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Friday, May 7, 2010

Logic is fine but hysteria's quicker: "Stairway to Hell" part three

Ooooo! This is some scary stuff! Better go burn my Ozzy CDs.
Evening, folks. I'm going to start tonight with the chapter on drugs. Mr. Jones begins this chapter with an alleged letter from an adult who claimed when he was 18 and tripping balls on LSD, he realized that, "the devil was inside of me and quite systematically taking over control of my will... A voice inside of me kept saying, 'This time I will have you fully!' I was completely terrified... I knew this was Satan."

Jones draws the conclusion: "Many drug abusers hear voices, but most don't know they are the voices of demons."

This poor kid was just having a BAD TRIP! Happens to every LSD user at some point or another. No demons but those of his own invention. But not if you ask Rick Jones, certified expert of... well, nothing really. Contributing to the Satanic Panic of the day, he claims,

"Experts are continually finding drug abuse linked to this growing demonic possession problem."

Ah, that's right. I remember seeing all those high profile DEMONIC POSSESSION cases in the paper that year. It was almost as big an epidemic as all those parents selling their children as homosexual sex slaves for "pot" money. Oh, wait. That was just in his head, too. I keep forgetting that the author continually creates his own facts and, I suspect, his own "experts," much like Mr. Van Impe's "scientists."

"Have you ever wondered why so many teens kill themselves while high on drugs? Now you know. Demons get them high, take control of their bodies, then drive them to kill themselves."

And here I thought it was because being a teenager is a difficult time in life, and some just don't know how to deal with it. Teens are constantly being judged, ordered around, pressured, and scrutinized. This all while they are trying to learn how to function independently in the world. Some turn to drugs, whether for recreation or as an escape from a world they feel is against them. Some of those searching for escape instead find that the world does not improve through drug use. it just gets worse, only now their mind is all screwed up & they can't think straight. Blammo.

And dipshit Jones blames it on song titles without even reading the lyrics or listening to the songs in question. Example:

"Ozzy Osbourne's song, 'Suicide Solution,' was not written by accident. Every word came directly from Ozzy's evil master. (Sharon?) A teenager blew his brains out after continuously listening to Ozzy's dangerously demonic death march. The song was still playing when police found the body."

Then maybe someone should have listened to or read the lyrics before blaming the Ozzman. This song is a cautionary tale of the dangers of The Drink (or as Ozzy will call it in a song many years later, "the Demon Alcohol"). The "solution" is not an answer to a problem, it's a homogenized liquid substance: liquor.

Do a little research before you write such an inflammatory book, for crying out loud. Stupid people are hanging on every word you say as legitimate advice for understanding the dangers faced by their teenage children.

Okay, I'm getting sleepy. I promise I'll get to the D&D chapter very soon. I kinda skipped past it in making a point tonight, but I'll backtrack to it tomorrow. It's too good to leave out. Here's a teaser:
"Literally millions of young people are unknowingly participating in genuine occult practices and opening the doors for demons to enter their bodies through this seemingly innocent game." HA!

See my review concluded here.

Once more into the fray - "Stairway to Hell" part two

"Satan's gonna get you, gonna drag you to hell. Hells Bells" - AC/DC
Among the "epidemic parent-related problems teens are facing today," the wise Mr. Jones lists:

- Children introduced to homosexuality and lesbianism by their parents

- Being forced into prostitution by their parents for the money

- UNTOLD THOUSANDS of youngsters are sold to Satan worship by depraved parents
Yes, folks, this book is chock-a-block full of paranoid, conspiratorial ideas.
Remember how that last one in the list turned out to be almost completely unfounded? How many documented and corroborated instances were there of such activity? As far as those other two, what did this guy do- watch a single episode of 48 Hours or something and declare the investigative cover story AN EPIDEMIC?
Moving on...
If you love rock music, the devil's bloody claws are already firmly wrapped around your neck. Look at these lyrics. The rock stars who sing them are sold-out servants of Satan, preaching to their master.
We are then treated to several excerpts of early 1980s heavy metal songs, many taken completely out of context, to prove the point. Mostly from that horribly Satanic band AC/DC, which we all know stands for "Anti Christ/Devil's Child." HA!
I'll give him one, though. He did throw in a Mercyful Fate song. No secret there about the band's background. Not a record you'll be hearing played at the local daycare, you know. But then he goes on to this little gem: (LOL)
A former rock music worshipper once told me about an Ozzy Osbourne concert he went to. THOUGH HIS MIND WAS SIZZLED ON DRUGS (emphasis added), his heart nearly stopped when he turned around and saw a man wearing a black hooded robe, standing behind the crowd with his arms outstretched. This shocked teen suddenly realized he was in the middle of a Satanic service!
Okay, where is this kid's credibility? We've already established he was completely SIZZLED, so how can we believe what he "saw?" Hell, the dude in the robe was probably twice as fried as our witness. He thought he was LEADING a Satanic service!
My next beef with this chapter is that he actually wastes time discussing backmasking (this one is deliberate) on the Venom album "Welcome to Hell." HELLO? There's plenty of fuel for your argument on that album WITHOUT having to ruin your needle. Try playing the damn thing FORWARD. In his argument he calls Venom a "famous rock band." What a numbskull. I know exactly 4 people who have ever even HEARD of Venom. I am the only one I know who owns any of their albums (first 5 studios and double-live on vinyl, as well as a 12'' single, 33 rpm single and a picture disc, then the most recent 3 on CD - love me some Venom!)
He wraps up the chapter with several stories ("true accounts") of teenagers hacking their families up or committing suicide because they listened to violent, Satanic AC/DC or Iron Maiden songs. Classic Satanic Panic at work. I love this shit. It's like watching Reefer Madness.
Coming up: The chapter on Dungeons & Dragons. Oooooooh. Can't wait. This guy reminds me of that dumb-ass "expert" dude that testified at the WM3 trial. The one who got a mail-order degree. I wonder if the author has any Chick tracts listed in his bibliography?

See my review continued here.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

LMAO: "Stairway to Hell" by Rick Jones

Got this book recently for the fun of it. It is just nuts to think that people bought this shit hook, line and sinker in 1988. I'm literally laughing out loud only three pages into the introduction.
"The real message is heard when that part of the song is played backwards. Here are the devilish lyrics Led Zeppelin has been sneaking into your brain all these years:

'I sing because I live with Satan.
The Lord turns me off.
There's no escaping it.
No other made a path.
Here's to my sweet Satan.
Whose power is Satan.
He will give you 666.
I live for Satan'

Millions are deceived by this song. They don't know that every time they play it, two things are happening:
1. They are listening to servants of Satan pledge their allegiance to their master.
2. Listeners are being programmed to accept Satan as the master and destroyer of their own lives."
HAHAHA! The sad thing is, bullshit like this was EVERYWHERE in the mid- to late-'80s. And parents were SCARED. Remember bands on trial? Repressed memories of ritual abuse? Remember the PMRC? This whole stupid-ass "subliminal messages" idea? Incredible. What I want to know is, if we, the kids at that time, knew these nimrods were just spouting cockamamie theories, how the hell were the adults so easily duped?

Of course, we now know that perceived "messages" on records when played in reverse are probably in most cases nothing more than an auditory form of pareidolia, or the same property of the brain that lets us see clear pictures of things in cloud formations. Our minds crave order, like to see patterns in chaos. Even if the patterns aren't really there- we'll unconsciously make leaps and create connections where there are none.

And for those messages which were INTENTIONALLY placed... Who gives a crap? I've yet to see some proof that backs up the fact that behavior alteration is even possible through "subliminal" messages, particularly REVERSED ONES. All I know for sure is that the English language sounds effing creepy when you play it backwards. But is it sinister? No more so than the same thing said forward.

I can't wait to dig into this book some more. I need a good laugh.

By the way, if you're interested, they still sell this book at for $10.95, in English or EspaƱol.

See my review continued here.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Jack Van Impe is a ruh-TARD

Heavens to Betsy! All three of them!
I was watching the Apprentice on DVR tonight, and when it ended, this ancient, Bible-thumping nitwit came on the television. Here's a direct quote:

"The astronomers now tell us that there are three heavens, and that agrees with the Bible. The first runs 600 miles into space, the second runs 187 trillion billions of miles into space. Unfad'nable! And then there's a third heaven where God rules."

--HUH? First, the atmosphere kinda trails off into space around 300 miles or so above the earth, so I'm not sure where the 600 comes into play. Second, I suppose he's just pulling numbers out of his bum for that second part. Third, just what the hell is, "unfad'nable?" I know the word, "unfathomable," but that isn't what he said. And, fourth, WHAT?? Exactly which, "the astronomers," are they who are now saying "there's a third heaven where God rules???" I must have missed that bit in my college astronomy class.

But there's more:

"Let's talk about that second heaven. Do you know that they now tell us that there are galaxies like our own, into the hundreds of thousands? And they've increased it to a million, and recently to a billion. A billion different galaxies! Each with 200 to 400 million stars. It's unlimited! And our God created it all. And for these people who can think it just happened through (claps) a big bang? ...You ...don't have much of an education."

--HUH? Which is it? Do they "now tell us" a few hundred thousand, a million, or a billion? If it's a billion, then why even mention hundreds of thousands? Say, "they now tell us there are a billion." It's more efficient; you can make your point sooner (or at least attempt to) and then get back to your silent prayer or whatever. As long as it's silent, it will be an improvement.

Also, WHICH IS IT? Is that second layer of space unlimited, as you just said, or is it "187 trillion billions of miles?" It can't be both! Or perhaps because it's so unfad'nable, it just SEEMS unlimited to your level of comprehension.

Additionally, I don't think anyone could argue against the thought that *technically* the Big Bang and a divine creator are not mutually exclusive. Even Stephen Hawking has said (or typed, as it were. INDICATED, anyway) that his belief in the Big Bang does not mean he doesn't believe in God. He could have been the one to cause the Big Bang, after all. (God, not Hawking.)

Finally, you should have seen the look in this guy's eyes when he said, "you... don't have much of an education." It even looked like he was going to swear during that stutter-pause: "You... gotta be effin' kidding me." Ooooh, was he heated up. Hee hee.

I've never seen this douche before, but I know he's been around quite a long time. I'm sure he could provide ammunition against himself like this all day long. He makes Pat Robertson look like Dan Rather. To quote a wise prophet named Bugs Bunny: "What a maroon!"