A coaster compendium

In memory of Disaster Transport at Cedar Point in Ohio...

OK, so here it is... My list of the 65 coasters I have ridden so far. My definition of a roller coaster is pretty straightforward:

Roller Coaster: an amusement ride consisting of a car or train of cars that takes riders on a thrilling series of dips, loops, turns or other aerial maneuvers while progressing laterally on a track of some sort, usually fashioned from steel.

My list does include a couple of exceptions to this definition, and I will explain those on an individual basis when I get to their descriptions. I do not count motion simulator, dark-boat style, or Disney's "omnimover" rides.

For now, though, I present... The List.

• American Eagle (Six Flags Great America) [details]

• American Thunder / Evel Knievel (Six Flags St. Louis) [details]

• Avatar Airbender (Mall of America) [details]

• Batman: The Ride (Six Flags St. Louis)

• Batman: The Ride (Six Flags Over Georgia)

• Batman: The Ride (Six Flags Great America)

• Bizarro / Medusa (Six Flags Great Adventure)

• Blackbeard's Lost Treasure Train (Six Flags Great Adventure)

• Blue Streak (Cedar Point)

• The Boss (Six Flags St. Louis)

• Cedar Creek Mine Train (Cedar Point)

• Corkscrew (Cedar Point)

• Dahlonega Mine Train (Six Flags Over Georgia)

• Dark Knight Coaster (Six Flags Great Adventure)

• Dark Knight Coaster (Six Flags Great America)

• Demon (Six Flags Great America)

• Disaster Transport (Cedar Point)

• El Toro (Six Flags Great Adventure)

• Fairly OddParents Fairly OddCoaster (Mall of America)

• Gemini (Cedar Point)

• Georgia Cyclone (Six Flags Over Georgia)

• Georgia Scorcher  (Six Flags Over Georgia)

• Great American Scream Machine (Six Flags Over Georgia)

• Green Lantern (Six Flags Great Adventure)

• Iron Dragon (Cedar Point)

• Iron Wolf (Six Flags Great America)

• Kingda Ka (Six Flags Great Adventure)

• Little Dipper (Six Flags Great America)

• Magnum XL-200 (Cedar Point)

• Mantis (Cedar Point)

• Maverick (Cedar Point)

• Mean Streak (Cedar Point)

• Millenium Force (Cedar Point)

• Mind Bender (Six Flags Over Georgia)

• Mr. Freeze (Six Flags St. Louis)

• Mr. Freeze Reverse Blast (Six Flags St. Louis)

• Ninja (Six Flags St. Louis)

• Ninja (Six Flags Over Georgia)

• Nitro (Six Flags Great Adventure)

• Opa! (Mt. Olympus Indoor Theme Park)

• Pandemonium / Tony Hawk's Big Spin (Six Flags St. Louis)

• Pepsi Orange Streak (Mall of America)

• Ragin' Cajun (Six Flags Great America)

• Raging Bull (Six Flags Great America)

• Raptor (Cedar Point)

• River King Mine Train (Six Flags St. Louis)

• Rolling Thunder (Six Flags Great Adventure)

• Rolling Thunder (Six Flags Great America)

• Runaway Mine Train (Six Flags Great Adventure)

• Screamin' Eagle (Six Flags St. Louis)

• Shockwave (Six Flags Great America)

• Skull Mountain (Six Flags Great Adventure)
• Space Mountain (Walt Disney World)

• Spongebob Squarepants Rock Bottom Plunge (Mall of America)

• Superman: Ultimate Flight (Six Flags Over Georgia)

• Superman: Ultimate Flight (Six Flags Great America)

• Top Thrill Dragster (Cedar Point)

• Tornado (Adventureland)

• Twister (Six Flags Great Adventure)

• V2: Vertical Velocity (Six Flags Great America)

• Viper (Six Flags Great America)

• Whizzer (Six Flags Great America)

• Wicked Twister (Cedar Point)

• Wile E. Coyote Canyon Blaster (Six Flags Over Georgia)

• X-Flight (Six Flags Great America)

Adding to the list of H. P. Lovecraft stories I've now read...
The darker color is the previous list. The lighter colored entries are new additions.

• The Alchemist
• Azathoth
• The Battle That Ended the Century
• The Beast in the Cave
• Beyond the Wall of Sleep
• The Book
• The Call of Cthulhu*
• The Case of Charles Dexter Ward* 
• The Cats of Ulthar*
• Celephais
• The Challenge from Beyond 
• Cool Air
• The Colour out of Space*
• The Curse of Yig*
• Dagon
• The Disinterment
• The Doom That Came to Sarnath
• The Dreams in the Witch-House
• The Dunwich Horror* 
• The Electric Executioner
• The Evil Clergyman
• Ex Oblivione
• Facts Concerning the Late Arthur Jermyn and His Family
• The Festival
• From Beyond*
• The Haunter of the Dark*
• He 
• Herbert West: Re-Animator*
• History of the Necronomicon
• The Hoard of the Wizard-Beast*
• The Horror at Martin's Beach
• The Horror at Red Hook
• The Horror in the Museum
• The Hound
• Hypnos*
• Ibid
• In the Walls of Eryx
• The Loved Dead
• Memory
• The Moon-Bog
• The Music of Erich Zann*
• The Nameless City
• The Night Ocean
• Nyarlathotep
• Old Bugs
• The Other Gods
• The Outsiders 
• Pickman's Model*
• The Picture in the House*
• Poetry and the Gods
• Polaris
• The Quest of Iranon*
• The Rats in the Walls*
• A Reminiscence of Dr. Samuel Johnson
• The Shadow Over Innsmouth*
• The Silver Key
• The Slaying of the Monster
• The Statement of Randolph Carter*
• The Strange High House in the Mist
• The Street
• Sweet Ermengarde*
• The Temple*
• The Terrible Old Man*
• The Thing on the Doorstep*
• "Till A' the Seas"*
• The Transition of Juan Romero
• The Tree
• The Tree on the Hill
• Two Black Bottles
• Under the Pyramids/Imprisoned with the Pharaohs
• The Unnamable
• The Whisperer in Darkness*
• The White Ship
• Winged Death

Man, I gotta get some reviews churned out...

I am coaster crazy

Meet El Toro, the most bad-ass wooden coaster I've encountered yet!

Here's a departure from the norm on this page.

I just realized that I have ridden 65 roller coasters in my lifetime so far. You know what? My bucket list just got an item added: To ride 100 coasters before taking on that big thrill ride in the sky.

Soon I will post a list with the 65 I've ridden, complete with locations, descriptions and very brief reviews. And this summer I will add at least number 66, in Six Flags St. Louis' latest addition, the currently-under-construction Boomerang!

More online activity than you can shake a virtual stick at

Can't get enough of me? Yeah, that's what my wife said too. Head on over and check out my Instagram feed at http://instagram.com/shanemcgraw1. I have 393 photos uploaded so far, but only 31 followers. Please take a quick visit. If you like what you see, click the FOLLOW button. It will make me happy. :D 

Do not photoshop this image

Yeah right. The US government releases an image of President Obama firing a rifle while "skeet shooting" to bolster his claim that he shoots "all the time" at Camp David. And then they insist that the image is not to be manipulated in any way.
Guess what, White House? All photos created by the federal government are by default in the public domain. We can do with them as we wish. And we have. Many times over. For instance:

Even more HPL short summaries

SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!!!

The Doom That Came to Sarnath - A race of people who lived in the land of Mnar along the River Ai decide their domain is not large enough and settle a new city, Sarnath, on the edge of a great lake. Its citizens are irked that there is a city on the other side of the lake called Ib which is populated by ugly sentient creatures who worship a great lake lizard named Bokrug. So they overthrew Ib and burned it to the ground, killing all its citizens. Every year after that for the next 1,000 years the citizens of Sarnath celebrated the destruction of Ib as an unparallelled victory. In the 1,000th year, however, the title of the story took place and Sarnath was swallowed as the water level in the lake suddenly and mysteriously rose to destroy the metropolis during its annual festivities. From then on, the surrounding cities in the land of Mnar began worshipping Bokrug out of fear of meeting the same fate as the city of Sarnath. Meh.

Not a particularly bad read, but there wasn't anything even remotely scary or creepy about it either. In addition, the title's kind of a spoiler in itself, isn't it? Still, though, it's at least a decent, very short and innocuous introduction to the geography of many of the Dream Cycle stories to come.

The Dreams in the Witch-House - A math and arcane studies student at Arkham University named Walter Gilman takes a room at a boarding house known to have been occupied centuries ago by a convicted witch named Keziah Mason. Gilman, whose dreams become increasingly more bizarre and frequented by the old hag and her hideous ratlike companion "Brown Jenkin," begins delving into the occult as well, and he asserts that math (particularly geometry) and the occult are inexpicably intertwined with one another. Eventually Gilman's dreams take him to unearthly realms where he witnesses Keziah Mason fraternizing with a mysterious Black Man (not negro) and strange monsters. One night he dreams that he accompanies the three others in kidnapping an infant from town. When Keziah Mason tries to sacrifice the baby during the subsequent night's sojourn Gilman attempts to stop her, but Brown Jenkin carries out the sacrifice. The next day Gilman's body is found in his bed, apparently having been partially devoured by Brown Jenkin. Years later, the landlord razes the building and finds evil tools and souvenirs between the walls adjacent to Gilman's (Mason's) room.

I liked this story. It was a bit longer than most, but entertaining all the way through. Brown Jenkin is a truly creepy little critter. Imagine a sneaky, filthy, magical ratlike creature the size of a large housecat, only with a human face and sharp little teeth. Now imagine him creeping around town at night, nuzzling people's necks as they sleep. (shudder)

The Dunwich Horror - In the New England town of Dunwich, Wilbur Whately is born of Lavinia Whately (daughter of the local mysteriously creepy old guy known as "Wizard Whately") and an unknown father. From the beginning, Wilbur matures at an alarming rate, not only in size but also in intellect. He's scary enough as is, but once his grandfather gets him deep into witchcraft Wilbur is not only hated by animals (especially the neighborhood dogs), but each and every townsperson shuns him out of fear. For years the two of them cultivate some sort of project in the Whately house. They are forced more than once to renovate and expand the home to accommodate the increasingly larger project. Only after Wizard Whately dies and Wilbur is killed by guard dogs in his search for the Necronomicon with the goal of unleashing the horrible primeval entity Yog-Sothoth does the true nature of their "project" come to light. With no one left to feed it, the horror breaks free to terrorize the town of Dunwich. It's then that Professor Armitage of Miskatonic University assembles a small ragtag team of demonbusters to come to the rescue of the small town (and indeed the world).

Great story! I understand why this one has endured as a fan favorite for 80+ years. It's very suspenseful, intriguing and expertly written. I especially love some of the dialect work in this story, and the clever storytelling methods employed, particularly near the end of it. A MUST READ.

A Lovecraftian Christmas tale

Those of you who are Lovecraft fans like me will definitely appreciate this creative and hilarious Lovecraftian twist on the 12 Days of Christmas. It's a short story written by Eric Lis; this story was published in Weird Tales magazine in 2008, and this particular reading was broadcast on the Drabblecast podcast by Norm Sherman.
The link you are about to click on will launch the high quality 15-minute sound clip on YouTube. It's 15 minutes you'll be glad you invested.
My True Lovecraft Gave To Me
Merry Christmas!

More HPL short summaries

Once again, SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!!!

Celephais - This story is, I suppose, part of the Dream Cycle of H.P. Lovecraft. In it a man, called Kuranes in his dreams (we know not what his real name is), becomes obsessed with his dream world, where life is so much nicer and more exciting than the real world. He begins spending more and more time asleep, visiting a city called Celephais that seems to represent a cross between Arabian Nights and King Arthur. Anyway, he starts taking drugs to spend more time in the dream world and eventually, in the real world, ends up a penniless junkie. A knight comes to him in real life at the end to escort him to Celephais so he can rule as their king and god. Kuranes goes with him, where he rules for all eternity. Meanwhile, his mortal body is found smashed on the rocks below a high sea cliff. Meh. I don't really like the dream world stuff. At least, not so far. However, this is a notable story for being the first mention of Innsmouth (though a diffferent Innsmouth, as it's set in the UK) and it's the origin of Kuranes, who will make a brief appearance later in "Dream Quest of Unknown Kadath" (which, as Lovecraft's longest work and a dream world story, I am dreading reading).

Cool Air - One of the first stories few stories I read in this collection, "Cool Air" still endures as one of my favorites. A guy who lives in this boarding house in New York develops an interest in (and a budding friendship with) the tenant above him, who turns out to be a scientist suffering from a malady that requires him to constantly be in a climate controlled atmosphere. To that end, he has invented air conditioning, using an ammonia-based cooling system. As time goes on, he requires cooler and cooler temperatures to maintain his health. In the end we find out it's because he's a zombie and he's begun rotting. It's very cleverly and descriptively written. I really like this story. I've read it twice so far and also listened to a fantastic reading provided by the H.P. Lovecraft Literary Podcast. I imagine this will be one of the first stories I will reread after completing my journey through all HPL's writings.

The Curse of Yig - I covered this one here.

Dagon - An American prisoner of war escapes from a German u-boat and gets lost at sea. After drifting in and out of consciusness, he awakens and finds himself on what he can only surmise is an incredibly large, sludgy segment of ocean floor that has broken off and floated to the surface. He gets out and explores his surroundings. Eventually he finds a great crevasse, which he scales downward to find the facade of an enormous temple. As he watches, an ancient, cyclopean monster comes to worship at the monolithic temple. After it leaves, the man makes his way back to his boat, but his mind has snapped and he remembers little. Waking in a hospital, he is told he was found afloat in his escape boat, where there is no sign of any chunks of the ocean floor floating on the water. But he knows it was real. And it scares him almost to the point of insanity to believe that there is possibly a race of great, monstrous beasts under the sea worshiping gods of their own. Meh. It was OK. I prefer "The Temple" when it comes to undersea adventures, but we'll get to that one later. Considered together, I think the two stories complement one another nicely, and when you throw in "The Call of Cthulhu" as well, so far that's a nice collection of stories that might have a deeper (no pun intended) relationship with one another.

As always, thanks for reading. Subscribe!

More short attention span HPL summaries

Once again - SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!!!

The Book - A guy finds a crazy old book at a messy secondhand bookstore. The proprietor refuses to take payment for it, seemingly relieved to simply be rid of the thing. The man takes the book home and studies it in his attic room dedicated to studying strange stuff. Crap gets weird. He looks at it more and crap gets weirder. Eventually crap gets so weirdthat during one of his readings/rituals the walls melt away and he finds himself in another reality, flying over an ancient stone city. That's pretty much it. I guess Lovecraft initially meant this to be the beginning of a larger story that would essentially be a prose version of his wonderful and hypnotic poem "Fungi from Yuggoth." Then he decided it was shit and ceased his effort. Kind of a shame; I liked it so far. Oh well.

The Call of Cthulhu - Quintessential Lovecraft piece introducing the Old Ones, particularly Cthulhu, to the world. Let's do a very boiled-down summary for this one. Part I: Guy inherits a chest full of stuff that points toward existence of some sort of supernatural force in the world, including a small idol of undetermined origin, construction and significance. Part II: Guy reads account of an explorer who finds two cults on opposite sides of the world and opposite ends of the technological spectrum which worship the same primordial being, represented by the aforementioned diminutive idol. Part III: After years of trying in vain to discover more about these clues, the guy finally stumbles upon the newsaper account that ties everything together in a horrible realization: Cthulhu does indeed sleep in the sunken sity of R'lyeh. And he is stirring, signifying that he will waken for good very soon. And when he does, if his cultists are to be believed, all the world as we know it will be devoured and a new aeon will begin, wherein the Old Ones will once again reign over all the universe. Great story. Read it.

The Cats of Ulthar - This one reminds me of a children's story, kind of like a tale by the Brothers Grimm. Could be at home in a collection with Red Riding Hood, Rumpelstiltskin and the Pied Piper of Hamelin. In this story, an old couple loves to torture and kill the cats of their neighborhood. Cat owners are, therefore, very careful to keep their feline companions indoors. When a band of Gypsies comes through town, no one thinks to tell them about the disgusting habits of the town's most hated (and feared) couple. After they kill a little orphan Gypsy boy's beloved kitten, he casts a Gypsy spell and all the cats get together to attack and devour the old couple. It's a revenge tale with cute little ears and tiny pink toes. I read it to my kids a while back, and my 10-year-old son seemed to like it as much as I.

That's it for now. More to come soon. Thanks for reading.

New IT Manager #7

The scariest part is that his absence leaves Beaker in charge of Muppet Labs.

An Atheist's Christmas Blessing

I wrote the following diatribe as a response to a Facebook friend's post about how much he loathes Christmas and what a scam it is. The gentleman in question and myself attended the same Baptist church when we were children, and we both have long since left the church and the supernatural world behind in favor of the pursuit of logic and science...

I consider myself an atheist, but I am an atheist who celebrates Christmas. For sake of argument, let's agree that everything you said above is completely accurate. With all that having been said, isn't there *something* special in the air this time of year?

Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's just nostalgia for the great Christmas memories of my childhood - family, good times, a feeling of unity with others, sweet and soothing music, pretty lights and bows, a cozy blanket on a cold, snowy day, the eagerness and magic of awaiting Christmas morning.

Maybe it's all that bundled into one magical month, along with the desire to leave my own children with magical memories of their own to treasure and pass down to their children.

But there's something... There's something in the strains of "Silent Night" that really makes my heart want to burst its seams when I hear a multitude of serene, reverent voices singing it in breathy unison, in a sanctuary full of lit candles. It's not unheard of for me to get a bit teary-eyed by the third verse or so. It could be a result of the mass mentality. It could be all those things I mentioned above flooding my brain at once, creating a tsunami of an emotional overload.

Some would say it's a beneficent, supernatural, holy deity trying to push its way through and make its presence known in my heart, and they would pray for me to accept it. It'll never happen. I'm too scientifically minded and rooted in PROOF = TRUTH to trust much of anything on faith alone, or even that coupled with the "evidence" detected by my own feeble, fallible, manipulable mind. But is it so bad for those people to want that for me?

I readily accept people's prayers these days when they feel that I am in need of them. There's no harm to me, and it comforts those people to put their faith in a higher power.

Many horrible things have been done in the past in the name of religion. John Hinckley shot Reagan in the name of Jodie Foster; I have nothing against Jodie Foster.

Many wonderful things have also been done for humanity in the name of religion. Despite the "sordid past" (and present) of many churches, most of the churchgoing people I know are wonderful, trustworthy, non-judgmental, generous and pleasant people to work and socialize with. I can’t bring myself to attend a weekly church service because when I do I feel like sort of a wolf in sheep’s clothing; I feel like I’m dishonestly representing myself as something I’m not.

But I’m perfectly willing to let down my protective walls a bit during this time of the year, take part in the showmanship and trappings of the season, and enjoy a little bit of Christmas spirit. I happily gather with family, friends and loved ones to exchange gifts and make joyful memories that will endure for years to come. And whenever possible I take my family to a late night Christmas Eve service where we completely enshroud ourselves with a sometimes overwhelming flood of feelings of camaraderie, love, forgiveness, selflessness and joy.

It may all be an illusion, but damn it, it’s a magical one that I’m happy to perpetuate. And from one atheist to another, I am dreadfully sorry that you seem to have lost the ability to be in touch with that magic.

New IT Manager #6

 

#Skyfall was freaking awesome, so I had to dedicate a week to my most favorite 007 ever. Daniel Craig, you kick ass!

This weekend: Peoria Ballet presents The Nutcracker

Seats remaining for the Dec 8 show as of this morning (Dec 3) are shown in blue.

If you are in the Peoria-Bloomington area and need a dose of culture or Christmas spirit, head on over to Ticketmaster.com and purchase some tickets for Peoria Ballet's 30th annual presentation of The Nutcracker. There are two shows only -- Saturday December 8 at 7:30 PM and Sunday December 9 at 2:00 PM. Tickets start at only $10, and they're going FAST, especially for the Saturday evening show!



Seats remaining for the Dec 9 show as of this morning (Dec 3) are shown in blue.

Come see my kids and me perform in this seasonal show that has become a holiday tradition in Peoria.
Start a tradition with your own family! Ring in each Christmas season with the premiere classical ballet of the yuletide season.

This year's production features many brand new costumes, all new choreography, and a brand new backdrop that the ballet acquired thanks to a successful Kickstarter campaign that I helped put together!

Short-Attention Span HPL summaries

SPOILERS! SPOILERS!

Ever wonder what all the hubbub is about H.P. Lovecraft stories, anyway? Curious, but never cracked one open yourself? Tried a few times but couldn't get past the style or outmoded language? Here be spoilers. I will attempt to summarize and review each one I've read in two to three succinct sentences, something of which I believe Lovecraft himself was likely incapable.

The Alchemist - A guy living on his family estate is cursed as his family has been for generations, hunted and haunted by an enemy of his ancestors, an alchemist who, centuries earlier, learned the secret of eternal life. Not very good. I suspect he wrote it as a young teen.

The Beast in the Cave - Find this review here.

Beyond the Wall of Sleep - A guy mind melds with an apparently crazy Indian who goes to distant realms in his dreams, and he soon realizes they are actually astrally projecting themselves several astronomical units into the heavens and becoming some sort of star-eating cosmic mega-beings. Not a bad story. I kinda dig this one. Not scary at all, more like straight sci-fi with a disturbing image or two (and a fair bit of that endearing Lovecraftian racism) along the way.

That's it for now. This is going to take a while, but it's way more efficient than spending a whole entry on each one.

New IT Manager #5

HPL update

I am three months into my sojourn of the fantastical and weird. By that I of course am referring to my venture to read the complete works of HP Lovecraft.

I have read several stories at this point (favorites indicates with asterisks):

• The Alchemist
• The Beast in the Cave
• Beyond the Wall of Sleep
• The Call of Cthulhu*
• The Cats of Ulthar*
• Cool Air
• The Curse of Yig*
• Dagon
• The Doom That Came to Sarnath
• The Dreams in the Witch-House
• The Electric Executioner
• The Evil Clergyman
• Ex Oblivione
• Facts Concerning the Late Arthur Jermyn and His Family
• The Festival
• From Beyond*
• The Haunter of the Dark*
• Herbert West: Re-Animator*
• The Hound
• The Music of Erich Zann*
• The Nameless City
• Nyarlathotep
• Pickman's Model*
• The Picture in the House*
• The Rats in the Walls*
• The Statement of Randolph Carter*
• The Strange High House in the Mist
• The Terrible Old Man*
• The Tree
• The White Ship
• Winged Death

So much already read. I am really enjoying this collection. And to help me slog through the tales that don't quite tickle my fancy the way some do, I always do a wrap up session after each story with the corresponding episode of the HP Lovecraft Literary Podcast, at hppodcraft.com. I've become quite fond of Chad Fifer and Chris Lackey.

Lots of reading done, but so much more to be done. And miles to go before I sleep...

New IT Manager #4

So I had to put up a second name plate this week because I let a coworker take the previous one home with him after his last day on the job. Evidently it was Wil Wheaton's last day on the job as well.

 

Our newest IT Manager comes to us straight from Latveria, and he gives new meaning to the phrase "ruling with an iron fist."

 

 

New IT Manager #3

Not only is he a great boss, he's fun at parties too!

New IT Manager #2

Yeah, your supervisor... Is just a kiss away. He's just a kiss away.

HPL Review: The Call of Cthulhu

I really liked this story. It's one of the dozen or so longer stories Lovecraft wrote, coming it at around 11,000 words or so, I believe. Not a huge undertaking, but with my busy schedule it took me about four sittings to get through it.

The story is told in three chapters. It is told through a manuscript left behind by a man named Francis Wayland Thurston, who details how he slowly put together pieces of various stories and news accounts to make a horrible discovery.

In part one we're slowly introduced to the idea that something weird has been going on. Thurston is called upon to rummage through his deceased granduncle's belongings, whereupon he inadvertently unearths evidence that unrelated people all over the world seem to have had similar nightmares on the same specific dates. He also finds a curious little statuette of a winged, crouching, tentacle-faced creature, bearing unrecognized symbols or writing. Notes accompanying it name the figure represented as "Cthulhu."

In part two we delve further into the notes and discover in the piles memoirs of a man named Inspector Legrasse, who made some related and similarly disquieting discoveries of his own. It seems that a swamp cult in Louisiana and a remote tribe halfway across the globe not only seemed to worship this same heretofore unknown (to Legrasse) deity or eldritch being named Cthulhu, but they also performed the same exact rites in the same exact, unknown language.

In part three we learn the story of a sailing ship which encountered opposition during one of its voyages. Presumably, they were attacked by pirates. In reality the opposing ship had been trying to not only same themselves and the other ship, but indeed all of reality by keeping the other ship from proceeding.

No spoilers, but I have to say this is one of my favorite stories yet of this collection. As I say, it's a bit longer but still easily doable. Any HPL fan has no excuse for not having read this one. I'm ashamed it's taken me until I'm 38 to do it.

New IT Manager #1

As my workplace is currently sans a manager in the IT department, I thought I'd have a bit of fun with the guys over there. When no one was looking I created a new nameplate for outside the doorway of the vacant office.

Productivity has really stepped up since they never know if he's waching them. He keeps using that damned One Ring.

Halloween hijinks abound on Draw Something

In honor of my favorite day of the year, all of my Draw Something drawings today were done with a Halloween theme. Here are a bunch, along with a few other recent Halloween-/horror movie-themed drawings, just to maintain the spirit of the season. Enjoy!

FOULBALL

CARRIE

JUGGLE

SNAIL

TRASHCAN

WHISKERS

 

BATHROBE

DOLL

FARM

GOBLIN

POPCORN

 

Don't forget! You can stay updated on my latest Draw Something masterpieces at http://mcgrawshane.tumblr.com

 



 

 

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

 

http://thewaltdisneycompany.com/disney-news/press-releases/2012/10/disney-acquire-lucasfilm-ltd

So long, Vader. It was nice knowin' ya.

Disney is un-friggin-stoppable. It's like that crazy Playstation game Katamari. Pixar, Marvel (I died a little that day too) and now Lucasfilm... What will that monstrosity of a Hollywood juggernaut devour next?

Three new Star Wars movies? Really? Why, for God's sake? Well, I don't care what they say. They won't be canon.

And let's not forget Indiana Jones. Any plans there, Disney? Actually, Lucas did a good job on his own of screwing up that franchise. It could use some fresh life.

If they remake Labyrinth I'll scream, I swear to God.

Bastards.

The Lord of Steel rises to the throne

OK, so this is the last I'll blog specifically about this album. Please indulge me one last time, and I swear you'll never need to hear one more time about The Lord of Steel.

I finally got hold of the retail version tonight--not gonna say where, but let's just say it was a great deal. (And not a SPECK of guilt, mind you.) Let's give it a spin:

1. The Lord of Steel - Still a quite solid track. Great mid-to-fast tempo, almost thrash-type song (reminiscent of "The Power") with an incredible riff that really grabs you. The lyrics are among the least silly on the album. Makes a decent title track and introduction to the album's direction.

2. Manowarriors - Definitely sounds better with this mix, that much is undeniable. Once again, Joey's fuzzy bass is appropriately buried, popping out every now and then for the spotlight. I still dislike the song, but not as much as before. I just really hate that one line, "Never gonna change our style, gonna play tonight for quite a while..." Oh, and I'm not crazy about "We come from different countries with metal and with might, we drink a lot of beers and play our metal loud at night" either. This song seems more camp than metal anthem. As an offhanded aside, Karl Logan's solo reminds me of Vinnie Vincent (what ever happened to that guy?)

3. Born in a Grave - HOLY SHIT! YES! The intro alone is a major improvement. I wish they'd have hit that single clock strike a bit harder after the whispered intro, and of course they drag out the chorus a few too many times at the end, but everything else about this tune is EPIC. This is what I'm talking about! ...And they finally figured out a decent way to end the song too. Perfect!

4. Righteous Glory - I loved this track before, when it was on what I declared an inferior album. This mix is simply amazing--fuller, more emotional, more raw, and more beautiful than just about anything they've ever recorded. This is just the most fantastic and personal song about Valkyries carrying a dead warrior into the sky ever. It's literally haunting, and the final 30 seconds actually brought tears to my eyes and a chill down my spine. This is the band I have grown to adore over the last 25 years.

5. Touch the Sky - Another good track turned great. The new mix is so much more balanced than the previously released version. I don't really care for the breakdown they implemented around 2:15 in the song, but I can get used to it. Being only 3:46 in length, I feel like a bunch of chorus repetitions wouldn't have hurt this song like it affects some of the others. They should have just let the momentum carry it out until the natural end. Still, a wonderful tune.

6. Black List - One of the two tracks I was not looking forward to listening to again, in any form, no matter the mix, especially after seeing that it's still 6:47 in length. It feels like perhaps Joey was unable to compromise on this one with the remixing team, and they left it more or less as-is to satiate his ego and insistence on having a bass-heavy, mostly instrumental song on the album. Whatever happened, at least the mix sounds more full and less tinny and cheap. I still don't "get it" in general, and I continue to dislike the song. I'll be skipping this one every time.

7. Expendable - I like it more now than I did before. Even the old mix has kind of grown on me since first I heard it, though. They didn't do a whole lot to this one in the remix; nothing major anyway except (I believe) making it a tad shorter. Hmmm... Single???

8. El Gringo - Well, my DVD still hasn't arrived from Netflix, but when it gets here I'll be watching it straight away. Gotta see if it's a good match for the song. I did notice that the spaghetti western type theme seems to be a but more buried than before, like in the background, less obvious. The bass is predominant in this one, more so than in the album's earlier tracks. And they figured out some way to stretch this one out to 6:53, which is about a minute and a half too long for me. It reminds me of Neil Young's song "Sample and Hold," from the album Trans, the only Neil Young album I can stand to listen to. I have the LP in my collection (complete with the track list typo), and that particular song is one of my favorites on the platter (remember when they were called that?). When the CD release came out, it had a version that's about twice as long and half as good as that originally released mix. Believe it or not, what I'm saying is that I like the earlier version of "El Gringo" better than this more recent mix.

9. Annihilation - The second track I wasn't really looking forward to listening to, but after listening to it, I'm not sure why I felt that way. It has great drums, kick-ass guitar solos, again reminiscent of Vinnie Vincent for me (are Karl's fingers getting faster?), and not incredibly silly lyrics. By all rights, this turned out to be a decent song.

10. Hail, Kill and Die - This was my absolute least favorite song on the Hammer edition of this album. I really tore this track a new one in my review. I called it shameful. Once I heard the 90-second iTunes preview of this new mix, though, this was the one I was most looking forward to hearing in its full, remixed glory. Man, oh, man. POUNDING rhythm, a simple repeatable chant for the chorus, a great riff, Eric's killer vocals... It now seems like a perfectly logical--and rather welcome--updated version of "Blood of the Kings." It's really a new generation's version of that song I heard closing out the fantastic and best-selling Kings of Metal album in 1988--that song which introduced me to song titles I did not know but I realized at that time I had to seek out no matter the cost. I owe "Hail, Kill and Die," Manowar and Joey DeMaio an apology for my previous comments about this track. Not only was I wrong; I can't wait to hear this one played live. It's going to tear the place apart.

11. The Kingdom of Steel - This is the bonus track which was not released on the Hammer version of the album. I don't know what to think going in, other than that the iTunes preview gave away very little, being the first 90 seconds (mostly Stairway to Heaven-type guitar instrumental lead-in). It's a seven-minute-plus epic that I am hoping will not be too self-indulgent... [Time lapse] It's very plodding in pace... I guess I could have done without most of that 90-second intro, for one... Not sure I care for the chorus, or for the musical direction it goes. I don't know much of anything about music and theory or how to explain what I'm hearing, but I guess the best way I can describe it is that the chorus "goes down" when I was expecting it to "go up." ...And then the song modulates down even more at around 6:00... Seems like the songwriting was not too bad or silly. That is, there's a certain amount of respect given to the subject matter. Where songs like "The Gods Made Heavy Metal," "Die for Metal," and this album's own "Manowarriors" are obviously a bit tongue-in-cheek, this one is more akin to "Master of the Wind." On a side note, twice now I've listened to this song, and both times at 1:52 I get the jeepers creeped out of me by a small, childlike voice calling in distress into my right ear from afar, "Daaaaad!!!" Haha. It's like that "Shaaaane!" that I still, to this day, hear my mother calling from within the frenzied electrical guitar cacophony at the end of "Blood of the Kings."

ALL IN ALL:
Yep. I was wrong. I take it back. Well, most of it, anyway. The Lord of Steel still carries with it a certain cheese factor. But what Manowar release doesn't? However, I stand by my convictions that between this album and Louder Than Hell you will find some of the most pedestrian examples of songwriting in the band's nearly 30-year catalog.

Surprisingly, The Lord of Steel turned out to be a solid addition to that catalog all the same. I still think that 2009's Thunder in the Sky EP is a stronger body of work, but I will definitely be listening to this one again very soon, and probably even singing along before too long. I already do so to at least three tracks. It's a good dog walking or lawn mowing companion.

Thank you, Manowar, for coming through in the end. Oh, but no thanks for that Hammer edition. I'm going to delete it now and never give it another thought (well, maybe when I'm listening to the last half of "El Gringo.")

New list (up two spots to number eight):

1. Battle Hymns MMXI
2. Warriors of the World
3. Kings of Metal
4. Hail to England
5. Fighting the World
6. Gods of War
7. The Triumph of Steel
8. THE LORD OF STEEL
9. Sign of the Hammer
10. Battle Hymns

11. Louder Than Hell
12. Into Glory Ride

Manowar update

This is a followup to my previous Lord of Steel post.

Now that the retail edition has released on iTunes and will be shortly released on CD to the world, and I've also had the opportunity to give the Hammer edition a few more spins, I can confidently say that I was right. :P That Hammer edition sucks balls.

I have heard the 90-second previews of all 11 tracks on iTunes, and just from that little bit of information I can safely say that the mix was the biggest problem with the preview release. Thank God they decided to tone down that overamplified, fuzzy, farting bass guitar in the new mix. Each song snippet I've heard is so much fuller and more powerful than before. Believe it or not, "Hail, Kill and Die" might be one of the stronger tracks on the album now that there's some true, thundering, visceral power behind it.

Now that this album's been out for a while it seems like there's a little bit of backpedaling going on, with the Manowar camp saying the Hammer edition was meant to be a rough cut preview of the final project. That's not what their own hype machine said in June. Back then they billed it as a special edition which, "blazes with pure power, untamed energy, and a sound as raw and wild as a force of nature...features sure-to-slay tracks like El Gringo, Hail, Kill And Die!, Annihilation and Expendable and is an essential album for every true metal fan's collection." It wasn't.

Well, regardless of that fiasco, at least we finally have the definitive version releasing worldwide in a couple of days. I'm curious to hear the rest of that eleventh track, too, as the iTunes preview doesn't really do it justice. I will end up downloading this one, but I doubt I'm going to pay for it if I can get away with it. I'll shore up my guilt by deleting the only copy of the shitty version I already have, never to speak of it again. I did the same thing with Metallica's Death Magnetic when the Guitar Hero version got out, since they really screwed up the mastering on that original release too. My conscience is clear.

Moving on, here's some exciting news:

• Manowar has been tapped to do the soundtrack for an upcoming Jean-Claude Van Damme action flick.
• "Sons of Odin" has been appropriated as the theme song for an online PC RPG-type fighting game called Smite, wherein players take the roles of gods and goddesses from various cultures throughout the history of the world. The game is currently in beta version with over 500,000 players worldwide. A trailer with gameplay featuring the Manowar song can be found on YouTube.
• El Gringo releases on DVD today. It's at the top of my Netflix queue. I'll let you know how it is once I've watched it, and how well the Manowar tune fits it.
• Joey said in a recent radio interview with Eddie Trunk that the band has been approached by two major touring agencies in the US regarding tours that would give us around a dozen US dates each. No word on whether the band will be entertaining their offers yet, but the interest alone is a freaking FANTASTIC piece of news. They are finally making a mark in the States! The rest of 2012 is already on paper, but maybe 2013 can be the year of the Conquest of the Stateside Manowarriors.

Once I've given the retail edition of Lord of Steel a couple of listens, I'll share my views on it. Hopefully that will be by this time next week. I hate to pay for the damn thing, but if I have to I will. It won't be the worst 15 bucks I've ever spent. That would be the dough I coughed up for the Hammer edition.

HPL Review: The Hound

This is a very short story about a couple of guys who are thrill seekers. It's similar to "Herbert West: Reanimator" in that our protagonist sort of paints himself as the willing accomplice following along on these insidious adventures instigated by the other guy.

Here's the synopsis: As I mentioned, these two guys have grown bored with life and even with the pursuits that exist on the fringe of society. Before long they realize in order to get excited about anything it must be dark, sinister or morbid activities. Eventually they resort to grave robbing for their adrenaline fix.

One day they get a line on this grave in Holland that is supposed to contain the body of a centuries-dead grave robber. He was purportedly buried with his last great prize, an amulet of some kind. They decide to target that grave next.

See, they consider themselves artists of a sort; they revel in the atmosphere of each plunder. And they see it as suitably poetic to rob the grave of a legendary grave robber.
They end up taking this gargoyle-looking amulet from the grave and hightailing it out of there, back to their elegantly and morbidly described museum of the disturbing known as their lair. That turns out to be a horrible mistake.

I really like this story. It's got some of the most unsettling stuff I've read in the descriptions of the loot they have in their hideout, (though I have discovered that one word I have in mine was a typo in the PDF translation**) and at the same time there are humorous passages that give a hint that Lovecraft penned this as kind of a parody. It's very reminiscent of Poe in certain parts, which is nothing new for Lovecraft, but this time it seems to be almost poking fun at not only Poe, but the whole Gothic horror genre in general.

There's this really cool bit of the story where Lovecraft shows that it's not supposed to be taken too seriously by doing this sort of "Rattling Bog" repetition about how the moon is full, the shadows are long, the trees are grotesque and drooping, there are huge bats flying around, there's a church steeple pointing like a finger into the sky, the fireflies are dancing, and there's a spectral howl of some sort of hound in the distance... He repeats that like three times nearly word for word during the story. I like that part. It's so graphically atmospheric, yet the way it's delivered is totally tongue-in-cheek.

"The Hound" is an easy, quick read that doesn't take itself too seriously. There's not much of a scare factor at the end, but definitely a worthwhile read. Highly recommended.

**I have to share this because it's kind of funny. When the protagonist describes the treasure trove the two villains have collected, at one point he says (in my ebook version), "Niches here and there contained... the flesh and radiantly golden heads of new-buried children." Picturing that, I cringed. Wow, I said to myself after reading that. Not only the heads of small children, but they flayed off the flesh too. God, that's horrible.

Once I heard an audiobook version of the story, I realized that my copy was wrong. It should have been the "...fresh and radiantly golden heads of new-buried children."
Ohhhh, I said to myself upon my new discovery. 'Fresh!' They were just cutting the heads off freshly buried children and taking them home as trophies; they didn't flay the flesh to keep as well. That's not quite so morbidly sinister. But honestly, in retrospect, is there truly any difference? LOL

Raising funds to help the local Arts scene

A non-profit near and dear to my heart, the Peoria Ballet, is currently attempting to raise enough donations to purchase a beautiful hand-painted backdrop for their annual performance of The Nutcracker at the Peoria Civic Center.

The rental fees on this thing are exorbitant, so owning a brand new one outright would be a wonderful boon for the organization, as the financial burden of putting on this traditional show (now in its 30th year) would be eased significantly.

More and more, arts programs are being cut from public schools due to lack of funding. The Peoria Ballet's Nutcracker has a day devoted to two performances just for our local schools. Many of those children will be seeing a production like this for the very first time. Each year I watch from backstage or the side aisles as a hush of wonder falls over those kids when the curtains open. It's an amazing feeling to be a part of inspiring so many young minds at once like that. That is what this production is all about.

Please help the Peoria Ballet maintain the majesty of this gorgeous production while exposing new generations to the classical beauty of the art of ballet, inspiring the dancers of tomorrow year after year. Make your pledge today, even if you have never been to the ballet or live too far away to come take in the show. You can still make a difference.

Visit the Kickstarter page and help the Peoria Ballet keep this Peoria family holiday tradition going strong. And check out the cool PowerPoint video featured on the page. That's my work. Only took about four hours to throw together. :)

HPL Review: Herbert West - Reanimator

Herbert West: Reanimator was originally written as a serial that was published in several installments in a weird fiction magazine.
Watching the Reanimator movie again prompted me to finally read this short story. As much as I love the movie with all its campiness and over-the-top gore effects, I think I enjoyed the written version even more.
The story is told by our protagonist, who was a colleague of Dr. West and can only speak of the events which he shared with West in the most hushed of tones and with some fear and trepidation.
A bit of a longer read than the other pieces I've discussed, this one took me two sittings to digest.
In a nutshell, West is a medical student who believes that a man's life force is purely chemical and physical in nature. To wit, if one could procure a body in decent shape, one could effectively reanimate that corpse artificially and prolong life indefinitely.
Shunned by the science and medical departments at Miskatonic University, West turns rogue and begins terrible experiments to prove his theory.
Through one ghastly failed experiment after another, his creations (the ones that technically work but appear to be devoid of any intellect) escape and pop up later as monsters of a sort. West repeatedly blames the lack of freshly deceased specimens, and he begins his quest to try his procedure on fresher and fresher corpses, until the day comes when he kills a man himself in order to try his reanimation serum out on the freshest possible corpse.
In the end he gets what's coming to him, but I don't want to give it away.
It was definitely an enjoyable read - well written as always, with some great descriptions, genuinely creepy moments and some surprisingly laugh out loud humor. That last attribute I was not expecting. Lovecraft was apparently a pretty witty fellow somewhere behind that grim, long face.

GLOSSARY:
Supernal: adj / of exceptional quality or extent / My second cousin Melvis is by far the most supernal numbskull with whom I ever had the displeasure of sharing a sham of a political discourse.

Sumptuary: adj / relating to laws limiting private expenditure on food or personal items / a communist society enacts sumptuary laws because a person's capital is best used on expenditures that benefit the community as a whole.

Acidulous: adj / sharp, bitter or mean-spirited / My seventh-grade social studies teacher had an acidulous way of responding to challenges to her flawed essay grading methods.

Lubberly: adj / big and clumsy; oafish / My supernally idiotic cousin Melvis was a lubberly fellow who reminded me a lot of John Coffey or the death-by-hugs guy from Of Mice and Men.

HPL Review: Pickman's Model

I had no idea what to expect when I started reading Pickman's Model. I was afraid it was going to be a dreamlike tale of building a model ship and sailing away to distant esoteric shores and such. I hate that "walking on moonbeams" crap. I'm happy to report, though, without spoiling anything, that it certainly ain't about model ship building and it ain't no boring Dream Cycle story. It's a doozy, too.
This story is told in a different fashion than any other Lovecraft tale I've read as yet, or any other story I've ever read come to think of it. We are told the story through the words of the narrator as he holds a conversation with a business acquaintance whose side of the discussion we are never privy to as readers. Think Bob Newhart's old phone call standup bits, or Clint Eastwood and his chair. I like the way Lovecraft used this style of narrative. It's a nice change of pace from his usual modus operandi.
The narrator is Mr. Thurber, a man nervously relating to his friend the story of why he suddenly and unexpectedly cut ties with a close friend of his who happened to be one of the hottest and well-known painters on the Boston art scene. He was particularly highly regarded for his ghoulish and fanciful pieces that were unlike any other current style in the market.
That painter's name was Richard Upton Pickman. And some time after the narrator cut ties with him, Pickman went missing.
Thurber describes to his friend the happenings of the time when he went to visit Pickman's studio space. He saw canvas upon canvas of very realistic and sometimes serene backgrounds crawling with horrific monstrosities, each one more disturbing and violent than the last.
The descriptions of the paintings made me think of the website dedicated to showing the works of people who procure art prints from rummage sales or thrift stores and then paint over them with foul creatures swarming a pristine farmhouse, squamous tentacles emerging from a placid lake, dead and rotting flesh dripping off the cheek of a previously innocent portrait subject, etc..
The scene in which he describes in detail the various horrible paintings in Pickman's studio, though not the climax, is definitely the highlight of the piece.
The "model" in the story relates to an artist's model. Pickman has a camera in his studio which he says he uses to photograph the backgrounds so he can look at the photos later in his studio and paint them without lookers-on or interruptions.
I will describe no more for fear of revealing spoilers. Please read the story yourself if you are interested. It can easily be consumed in one sitting, and it's worth the short amount of time invested.
This is one of my favorites so far because it skirts the line between simple, creepy dude story and infinitely powerful, cosmic monster from the void story. It doesn't lose itself in lengthy, circuitous descriptions of unimaginable things or places. Any color copy or descriptive text feels completely in place and helpful. And I only had to look up two words:

GLOSSARY:
Parvenu: noun / someone who has recently or suddenly risen to a place of wealth or power but has not yet gained the prestige or manner associated with it. / To witness the true parvenu in action, observe the character Roseanne Conner, post-lottery win, as she orders an armload of greasy burgers at the drive-through window.

Mephitic: adj / Foul-smelling / Two hours after consuming an armload of greasy burgers in her car, the air trapped inside the enclosed vehicle became so mephitic as to throw the cameraman into full-on vomiting convulsions.

HPL Review: The Beast in the Cave

This story begins with an adventurous yet ill-prepared explorer lost in a cave after having made the poor decision to split off from his tour group. He soon discovers he is not alone, and his mind races at what sort of ferocious oddity of nature must live in such a secluded atmosphere, cut off from all sunlight and contact with the outside world. It's not long before his torch sputters out and he is left in complete darkness, wrestling with his own imagination and the frightening sounds of the unseen beast shuffling toward him.

No spoilers, but I will say that it's one of those twist endings that might at one time have shocked readers, but by today's standards is rather predictable. It's like if someone were to watch Hitchcock's Psycho for the first time today. Set against its modern contemporaries, how much would Psycho, a complete mindfuck in its day, surprise anyone? No one. It's still a valuable piece of the American/English film heritage, but it no longer holds the same power for today's jaded audiences. A few of Lovecraft's stories in this collection suffer from that same peril, and "The Beast in the Cave" is one of them.

Bearing in mind, though, that Lovecraft was only 14 years old when he wrote this story, it is an incredibly well told tale, and thankfully not too cryptic in its construction. It is sufficiently exciting, propelled on by expertly (yet by a novice) drafted descriptions of the story's setting and atmosphere, as well as the wild meanderings of the main character's imagination and memories.

GLOSSARY:

Consumptive: noun | a person with a wasting disease, especially pulmonary tuberculosis  | ex. During a tour of the primitive village, we came across the hut where the tribe's consumptives go in their final days.

Salubrious: adj  |  health-giving  |  ex. After spending my whole life in the smog of urban California, the salubrious Colorado mountain air was a welcome change.

Prognathous: adj  |  having a projecting lower jaw or chin  |  ex. When it attacked his puppy, Jerome kicked that prognathous, antagonistic American Bulldog right in its massive underbite of a mouth.