HPL Review: The Hound

This is a very short story about a couple of guys who are thrill seekers. It's similar to "Herbert West: Reanimator" in that our protagonist sort of paints himself as the willing accomplice following along on these insidious adventures instigated by the other guy.

Here's the synopsis: As I mentioned, these two guys have grown bored with life and even with the pursuits that exist on the fringe of society. Before long they realize in order to get excited about anything it must be dark, sinister or morbid activities. Eventually they resort to grave robbing for their adrenaline fix.

One day they get a line on this grave in Holland that is supposed to contain the body of a centuries-dead grave robber. He was purportedly buried with his last great prize, an amulet of some kind. They decide to target that grave next.

See, they consider themselves artists of a sort; they revel in the atmosphere of each plunder. And they see it as suitably poetic to rob the grave of a legendary grave robber.
They end up taking this gargoyle-looking amulet from the grave and hightailing it out of there, back to their elegantly and morbidly described museum of the disturbing known as their lair. That turns out to be a horrible mistake.

I really like this story. It's got some of the most unsettling stuff I've read in the descriptions of the loot they have in their hideout, (though I have discovered that one word I have in mine was a typo in the PDF translation**) and at the same time there are humorous passages that give a hint that Lovecraft penned this as kind of a parody. It's very reminiscent of Poe in certain parts, which is nothing new for Lovecraft, but this time it seems to be almost poking fun at not only Poe, but the whole Gothic horror genre in general.

There's this really cool bit of the story where Lovecraft shows that it's not supposed to be taken too seriously by doing this sort of "Rattling Bog" repetition about how the moon is full, the shadows are long, the trees are grotesque and drooping, there are huge bats flying around, there's a church steeple pointing like a finger into the sky, the fireflies are dancing, and there's a spectral howl of some sort of hound in the distance... He repeats that like three times nearly word for word during the story. I like that part. It's so graphically atmospheric, yet the way it's delivered is totally tongue-in-cheek.

"The Hound" is an easy, quick read that doesn't take itself too seriously. There's not much of a scare factor at the end, but definitely a worthwhile read. Highly recommended.

**I have to share this because it's kind of funny. When the protagonist describes the treasure trove the two villains have collected, at one point he says (in my ebook version), "Niches here and there contained... the flesh and radiantly golden heads of new-buried children." Picturing that, I cringed. Wow, I said to myself after reading that. Not only the heads of small children, but they flayed off the flesh too. God, that's horrible.

Once I heard an audiobook version of the story, I realized that my copy was wrong. It should have been the "...fresh and radiantly golden heads of new-buried children."
Ohhhh, I said to myself upon my new discovery. 'Fresh!' They were just cutting the heads off freshly buried children and taking them home as trophies; they didn't flay the flesh to keep as well. That's not quite so morbidly sinister. But honestly, in retrospect, is there truly any difference? LOL

Raising funds to help the local Arts scene

A non-profit near and dear to my heart, the Peoria Ballet, is currently attempting to raise enough donations to purchase a beautiful hand-painted backdrop for their annual performance of The Nutcracker at the Peoria Civic Center.

The rental fees on this thing are exorbitant, so owning a brand new one outright would be a wonderful boon for the organization, as the financial burden of putting on this traditional show (now in its 30th year) would be eased significantly.

More and more, arts programs are being cut from public schools due to lack of funding. The Peoria Ballet's Nutcracker has a day devoted to two performances just for our local schools. Many of those children will be seeing a production like this for the very first time. Each year I watch from backstage or the side aisles as a hush of wonder falls over those kids when the curtains open. It's an amazing feeling to be a part of inspiring so many young minds at once like that. That is what this production is all about.

Please help the Peoria Ballet maintain the majesty of this gorgeous production while exposing new generations to the classical beauty of the art of ballet, inspiring the dancers of tomorrow year after year. Make your pledge today, even if you have never been to the ballet or live too far away to come take in the show. You can still make a difference.

Visit the Kickstarter page and help the Peoria Ballet keep this Peoria family holiday tradition going strong. And check out the cool PowerPoint video featured on the page. That's my work. Only took about four hours to throw together. :)

HPL Review: Herbert West - Reanimator

Herbert West: Reanimator was originally written as a serial that was published in several installments in a weird fiction magazine.
Watching the Reanimator movie again prompted me to finally read this short story. As much as I love the movie with all its campiness and over-the-top gore effects, I think I enjoyed the written version even more.
The story is told by our protagonist, who was a colleague of Dr. West and can only speak of the events which he shared with West in the most hushed of tones and with some fear and trepidation.
A bit of a longer read than the other pieces I've discussed, this one took me two sittings to digest.
In a nutshell, West is a medical student who believes that a man's life force is purely chemical and physical in nature. To wit, if one could procure a body in decent shape, one could effectively reanimate that corpse artificially and prolong life indefinitely.
Shunned by the science and medical departments at Miskatonic University, West turns rogue and begins terrible experiments to prove his theory.
Through one ghastly failed experiment after another, his creations (the ones that technically work but appear to be devoid of any intellect) escape and pop up later as monsters of a sort. West repeatedly blames the lack of freshly deceased specimens, and he begins his quest to try his procedure on fresher and fresher corpses, until the day comes when he kills a man himself in order to try his reanimation serum out on the freshest possible corpse.
In the end he gets what's coming to him, but I don't want to give it away.
It was definitely an enjoyable read - well written as always, with some great descriptions, genuinely creepy moments and some surprisingly laugh out loud humor. That last attribute I was not expecting. Lovecraft was apparently a pretty witty fellow somewhere behind that grim, long face.

GLOSSARY:
Supernal: adj / of exceptional quality or extent / My second cousin Melvis is by far the most supernal numbskull with whom I ever had the displeasure of sharing a sham of a political discourse.

Sumptuary: adj / relating to laws limiting private expenditure on food or personal items / a communist society enacts sumptuary laws because a person's capital is best used on expenditures that benefit the community as a whole.

Acidulous: adj / sharp, bitter or mean-spirited / My seventh-grade social studies teacher had an acidulous way of responding to challenges to her flawed essay grading methods.

Lubberly: adj / big and clumsy; oafish / My supernally idiotic cousin Melvis was a lubberly fellow who reminded me a lot of John Coffey or the death-by-hugs guy from Of Mice and Men.

HPL Review: Pickman's Model

I had no idea what to expect when I started reading Pickman's Model. I was afraid it was going to be a dreamlike tale of building a model ship and sailing away to distant esoteric shores and such. I hate that "walking on moonbeams" crap. I'm happy to report, though, without spoiling anything, that it certainly ain't about model ship building and it ain't no boring Dream Cycle story. It's a doozy, too.
This story is told in a different fashion than any other Lovecraft tale I've read as yet, or any other story I've ever read come to think of it. We are told the story through the words of the narrator as he holds a conversation with a business acquaintance whose side of the discussion we are never privy to as readers. Think Bob Newhart's old phone call standup bits, or Clint Eastwood and his chair. I like the way Lovecraft used this style of narrative. It's a nice change of pace from his usual modus operandi.
The narrator is Mr. Thurber, a man nervously relating to his friend the story of why he suddenly and unexpectedly cut ties with a close friend of his who happened to be one of the hottest and well-known painters on the Boston art scene. He was particularly highly regarded for his ghoulish and fanciful pieces that were unlike any other current style in the market.
That painter's name was Richard Upton Pickman. And some time after the narrator cut ties with him, Pickman went missing.
Thurber describes to his friend the happenings of the time when he went to visit Pickman's studio space. He saw canvas upon canvas of very realistic and sometimes serene backgrounds crawling with horrific monstrosities, each one more disturbing and violent than the last.
The descriptions of the paintings made me think of the website dedicated to showing the works of people who procure art prints from rummage sales or thrift stores and then paint over them with foul creatures swarming a pristine farmhouse, squamous tentacles emerging from a placid lake, dead and rotting flesh dripping off the cheek of a previously innocent portrait subject, etc..
The scene in which he describes in detail the various horrible paintings in Pickman's studio, though not the climax, is definitely the highlight of the piece.
The "model" in the story relates to an artist's model. Pickman has a camera in his studio which he says he uses to photograph the backgrounds so he can look at the photos later in his studio and paint them without lookers-on or interruptions.
I will describe no more for fear of revealing spoilers. Please read the story yourself if you are interested. It can easily be consumed in one sitting, and it's worth the short amount of time invested.
This is one of my favorites so far because it skirts the line between simple, creepy dude story and infinitely powerful, cosmic monster from the void story. It doesn't lose itself in lengthy, circuitous descriptions of unimaginable things or places. Any color copy or descriptive text feels completely in place and helpful. And I only had to look up two words:

GLOSSARY:
Parvenu: noun / someone who has recently or suddenly risen to a place of wealth or power but has not yet gained the prestige or manner associated with it. / To witness the true parvenu in action, observe the character Roseanne Conner, post-lottery win, as she orders an armload of greasy burgers at the drive-through window.

Mephitic: adj / Foul-smelling / Two hours after consuming an armload of greasy burgers in her car, the air trapped inside the enclosed vehicle became so mephitic as to throw the cameraman into full-on vomiting convulsions.

HPL Review: The Beast in the Cave

This story begins with an adventurous yet ill-prepared explorer lost in a cave after having made the poor decision to split off from his tour group. He soon discovers he is not alone, and his mind races at what sort of ferocious oddity of nature must live in such a secluded atmosphere, cut off from all sunlight and contact with the outside world. It's not long before his torch sputters out and he is left in complete darkness, wrestling with his own imagination and the frightening sounds of the unseen beast shuffling toward him.

No spoilers, but I will say that it's one of those twist endings that might at one time have shocked readers, but by today's standards is rather predictable. It's like if someone were to watch Hitchcock's Psycho for the first time today. Set against its modern contemporaries, how much would Psycho, a complete mindfuck in its day, surprise anyone? No one. It's still a valuable piece of the American/English film heritage, but it no longer holds the same power for today's jaded audiences. A few of Lovecraft's stories in this collection suffer from that same peril, and "The Beast in the Cave" is one of them.

Bearing in mind, though, that Lovecraft was only 14 years old when he wrote this story, it is an incredibly well told tale, and thankfully not too cryptic in its construction. It is sufficiently exciting, propelled on by expertly (yet by a novice) drafted descriptions of the story's setting and atmosphere, as well as the wild meanderings of the main character's imagination and memories.

GLOSSARY:

Consumptive: noun | a person with a wasting disease, especially pulmonary tuberculosis  | ex. During a tour of the primitive village, we came across the hut where the tribe's consumptives go in their final days.

Salubrious: adj  |  health-giving  |  ex. After spending my whole life in the smog of urban California, the salubrious Colorado mountain air was a welcome change.

Prognathous: adj  |  having a projecting lower jaw or chin  |  ex. When it attacked his puppy, Jerome kicked that prognathous, antagonistic American Bulldog right in its massive underbite of a mouth.

HPL Review: The Music of Erich Zann

Art by David Reuss

"The Music of Erich Zann" was the first story of this collection that I read. It's a tale about a man in a boarding house who befriends a mute viol player that keeps a portal to another dimension at bay with his bizarre, dissonant music. Very Lovecraftian without delving into any Cthulhu mythos specifics. No night-gaunts, shoggoths, Great Old Ones, R'lyeh or Dreamlands; just a first-person account of the narrator's maddening encounter with a gateway to a dimension of complete emptiness which may or may not be attempting to spawn eldritch creatures borne of the horrible, unfathomable chilly depths of space itself.
It's a quick, easy read that can be tackled in one sitting. I quite enjoyed it.

As always, the atmosphere is conveyed with skillful mastery by the author. The description of the Rue d'Auseil paints a vivid picture. For some reason, in my mind the town seems to have been designed by Tim Burton or Dr. Seuss, or perhaps it was some sort of collaboration. I see impossibly angular and vertically superlative buildings teetering, yet inexplicably stable, on their practically 90-degree cobbled slope.

The story sucks you in slowly with a stranger coming to town and getting settled. It gradually builds interest as he inquires about the man playing the strange music. The pace begins to quicken as the characters meet and we realize there is probably more to the music than meets the ear. There is no doubt about where the climax comes, as the frantic music is playing, the wind is blowing, the colors are dancing, the lead character is shouting and fighting against the forces which pull from this world into the next... Whew.

What brought the story to my attention in the first place was the song titled "Erich Zann" from the Mythos album by C.G. Gross. I recommend both this story and that CD, especially for the Lovecraft initiate.


GLOSSARY:

Garret: noun | a top-floor or attic room, especially a small, dismal one  |  ex. We took Grandma's rocking chair and tea set to the garret as she instructed in the letter we received prior to her arrival.

Declivity: noun |  a downward slope  |  ex. Seeing Jones' helpless expression and the declivity of the graph he was about to present, the Board of Directors had a pretty solid notion that he was not delivering pleasant news.

Capricious: noun |  given to sudden and unaccountable changes of mood or behavior  |  ex. There is very little in nature than can be as unpredictable as the capricious nature of a premenstrual Tasmanian She-Devil.

Crabbed: adj |  contorted and difficult to understand  |  ex. Due to the arthritis and Parkinson's disease, her crabbed sign language was a nightmare to decipher.

HPL Review: The Curse of Yig

My first exposure to the name Yig was in 1989 when GWAR released their seminal album Scumdogs of the Universe, which included the track “The Horror of Yig,” a song which gave little if no indication of who or what Yig was. Years later, I’ve run into the name a few times here and there in reading or gaming sessions. Now, after finally having read this story, I can finally say I know what Yig is.

The Curse of Yig is a tale within a tale; a doctor at an asylum relates to an American Indian anthropologist in 1925 the story of a married 19^th century settler couple and their run-in with the mystery surrounding the legend of the Indian Snake God and “half-human father of serpents,” Yig.

This is the origin tale of Yig, initially written by Zealia Bishop but referred to Lovecraft in 1928 for fleshing out. Accepting it as a paid job, Lovecraft did so, and returned the story to Bishop, who promptly sold it to Weird Tales magazine under her own name; it was subsequently printed in 1929.

No spoilers here, but there are a few key plot points I can reveal.

1. The settler husband, Walker Davis, is terrified of snakes, with an “almost epileptic fear.”

2. Yig is a snake god who watches over his progeny on earth, vowing vengeance on all who harm them.

3. An old Indian squaw told Walker, when he was small, that he would meet his end owing to snakes.

4. The Indians in the story are preoccupied with appeasing and sating Yig to avoid his wrath.

5. In the beginning, the anthropologist is shown some sort of horrifying snake/human hybrid creature locked away deep in the asylum underground, and it is the precursor to revealing the Davises’ story.

The story is expertly woven, the atmosphere portrayed with horrifying detail. As the story progresses, you can almost hear the ritual pounding of the Wichita Indians’ tom-toms in the distance. When they finally and suddenly stop, you can really feel the same dread felt by the main character. That entire scene is a nailbiter.

The other image that drills its way into your brain and nests there for a few hours after you’re finished is what happened (in a story within the story within the story) to the man who suffers dozens of venomous bites from an entire horde of rattlesnakes. I will say no more. (shudder)

This story is written in a far less arcane manner than most of the other HPL tales I’ve read to this point. I would venture to categorize it as a wonderful place to begin if you’ve never exposed yourself to Lovecraft’s writings before but are curious about them. You’ll spend far less time during the reading of this story looking up words in the dictionary or struggling to understand them through mere context clues than you will with most of the others I’ve had a chance to look at.

The toughest bits of reading were really the passages of dialog exchanged between the Davises. Remember Stephen King’s role in Creepshow? The country bumpkin covered with alien meteorite-spawned moss? Yeah, it’s like two of him talking to each another only missing maybe three more teeth each. It’s a consistently illustrated dialect, to be sure, but a hard one to decode at times.

The Curse of Yig is a fantastic story. Of the seven or eight I’ve read so far, this is the most accessible and easily one of the most enjoyable. It took me two sessions of reading to get through it.

GLOSSARY

Sententious: adj | given to moralizing in a pompous or affected manner | ex. I could no longer stand the sententious lecture of the Southern Baptist preacher, so I quietly excused myself from the congregation.

Squamous*: adj | covered with or categorized by scales | ex. Wonder Woman never got it on with Aquaman because she was completely turned off by his squamous genitals.

Salient: adj | most noticeable or important | ex. I understand now why jumping off this bridge is a poor idea; the gravity issue you bring up is a salient point.

Saltatory: adj | archaic | relating to the action of leaping or jumping | ex. I wanted to dance with the strangely beautiful mutated grasshopper woman, but I found it hard to keep up with her saltatory style.

Bluff: adj | direct in speech or behavior but in a good-natured way | ex. Uncle Marty was a bluff man, sure to tell it like it is and probably make you laugh in the process.

*this one I actually looked up after coming across it in a game of Cthulhu Gloom

E-book review: A protracted, wearisome endeavor

I purchased, weeks ago, a voluminous electronic collection of the myriad writings of one Mr. Howard Phillips Lovecraft. It is my intention to painstakingly forage my way through this immense volume story by story, poem by poem, letter by letter, until I stand victorious over my 9,163-page conquest, wiser as a reader and substantially more learned in the mythos of the Ancient Ones and related eldritch phantasmagoric creatures.

I shall, after having devoured each of the collection's offerings (if I myself have not been devoured instead), post in this forum my impression of the piece at hand, along with any newly discovered arcane diction I have added to my working lexicon as a result of said reading.

I am already several tales into this compendium, though to be fair you should know I have been consuming the offerings in a nonlinear fashion, skipping around pointedly to the stories that most pique my interest (weighing that, of course, against the heft of the tale itself, for sake of calculating the required time investment).

I shall begin my series of reviews with the tale I most favor of those I have taken in thus far. That shall be my forthcoming subsequent missive on this site, assuming the consumption of these tales does not drive me to madness. I thank you for your readership and await our next meeting in this Other World the gibbering hordes know as Cyberspace.

Draw Something... Draw anything! Just draw already!

My addiction has moved to the next level. I killed the Facebook album I mentioned earlier and started a Tumblr page to share my coolest drawings.

Check out McDraw Something at
http://mcgrawshane.tumblr.com
and feel free to comment, reply, post your own versions, or whatever!

While you're at it, subscribe! :)

REVIEW: Manowar's newest LP hits some high notes

I have been in possession of Manowar's latest full-length offering, The Lord of Steel, for about a week now, and I've given it several spins in that time. I wanted to be able to give a fair review for this record; I'd say I'm pretty familiar with it by now, and I finally think I can do just that.

First, let me say I'm pleased that the band seems to have abandoned the horrible concept of their Asgard Saga. It sounded cool on paper, but once I saw those dreadfully cheesy video clips of medieval battles and a village being overrun I thought, "Odin, help me."

This album seems to harken back to the type of tracks you might find on 1996's Louder Than Hell. Now, those of you who have read my blog before should know that I don't have an extremely high opinion of that particular disc. Basically, a third of that CD, in my opinion, kinda blows. It's stale and recycled sounding, the songwriting kind of sucks, and the tracks do not take advantage of Eric Adams' insane vocal talents. The other portion, though, is pretty kick-ass, and including one of my favorite Manowar songs, "The Power," and the instrumental I'd like played at my funeral, "Today is a Good Day to Die."

This album is similar to me. There are a couple of real stinkers on the track list. Conversely, we also have two or three genuine treasures.

Track one, the title song, has a killer riff, punishing drum work by Donnie Hamzik, and the vocals are in line with their most recent stuff, though not quite allowing Adams to really shine and show off his power and range. It's a catchy tune in the vein of "Thunder in the Sky." The lyrics are fairly un-silly and straightforward. One of the better tracks.

Track two, "Manowarriors," is not only unnecessary, as we Manowar fans already have a solid and respectable theme ("Army of Immortals" from Hail to England), but the lyrics are downright laughable. (Sorry, Joey.) Get a load of this: "Never gonna change our style, gonna play tonight for quite a while." Wow. "Quite a while?" Boy, that's really in-your-face. And the chanting dudes are getting a bit old. We can sing along without the Kidz Bop for adults call-and-response bullshit. Second worst track on the album. Yep, sadly, there's one even worse yet to discover.

Track three is is the awesome song "Born in a Grave." It's fresh sounding (though reminiscent of "Gods of War"), lyrically unique, musically interesting, and not too repetitive. I'd like to point out that two of the tracks which immediately stood out to me as highlights on this disc were the only two tracks on which Joey DeMaio shared writing credits. I've been thinking for a few years now that part of the problem with this band is that it sometimes suffers from the well-meaning but massively overinflated ego of Joey DeMaio (liner notes: "all songs written, engineered, recorded, edited and produced by Joey DeMaio, [who plays] 4 string, 8 string, piccolo bass guitars and keyboards."). I think this album proves yet again that a little bit of new blood in the songwriting process would be beneficial to the band.

Track four is the other song on which Joey shared writing credits with Karl Logan. "Righteous Glory" is possibly one of the most musically beautiful songs Manowar has ever recorded. The vocal layering and power in the first chorus will bring you chills. It's not a new theme (Valkyries carrying slain warriors to Valhalla), but it's never been done quite like this... Except in "Swords In the Wind," of course. This one immediately stood out to me as the best track on the disc. It's the only one I listened to twice in a row during my first exposure to the album. Another testament to the idea that Joey needs to back off a bit and let some creative juices take the band wherever it should go.

Track five is DeMaio's writing highlight on the album and the third-best tune on it, "Touch the Sky." It is reminiscent of Louder Than Hell's "Number One," thankfully sans the stupid chanting crap. It's a solid track and a welcome addition to the Manowar catalog. I look forward to hearing it live even though it plays the vocals and lead guitars pretty safe all the way through.

"Black List" begins sounding like an instrumental, only an incredibly lackluster one. After two minutes in, I started thinking that maybe they forgot to mix in a vocal track or something. All it is up to that point is a plodding rhythm guitar and drums, perfect for adding vocals over but horrible as a standalone piece. Then it goes silent for a second at around 2:30 and the vocals kick in after the song starts back up. But it starts with the chorus. It feels very odd to have the chorus delivered to you after two and a half minutes of nothing leading up to it. Then we get a solo followed by a short bridge and two more choruses. WTF? This is a waste of seven minutes. I want them back. Worst decision since "Achilles, Agony and Ecstasy in Eight Parts."

Track seven is "Expendable." This song was inspired by the brainless yet entertaining action movie The Expendables. This song could easily have been the theme song to that film, as they were both cut from the same cloth. Seriously, though, this is a pretty cool track. One of the better ones on the disc. And not a single mention of Norse mythology. Whew. On a side note, whoever spell checked the liner notes and lyric sheets should have their head removed. "...Your watching on the outside - Yea that's all you people know - So bring a knife or a gun - and I'll show you what their for..." and "...I will survive with no one left around me - cause your all gonna die..." Shame on you, Magic Circle. Hire me. I can proofread like a sonuvabitch.

The eighth track, "El Gringo," actually is the theme song from a movie. An independent, direct-to-video Western movie with a whopping budget of $7M. Christian Slater is in it. Third billing. You might recognize the top-billed star from his work in... Aw, never mind. Well, at least it makes for a cool tune. In keeping with the comparison of this album with Louder Than Hell, this is Lord of Steel's "Outlaw." Solid, with only a little bit of that Manowar cheese factor.

The penultimate track, "Annihilation," is a so-so effort that feels a bit empty. Some recycled lyrics pieced together from older songs. A confusing theme on this one. It starts out as a typical Manowar vengeance and justice vehicle, but at the end it seems to flirt with creeping into the metal anthem territory. At the last moment it seems to come to its senses and snap back into that "hand of justice" trope. I don't know. This song is actually kind of a mess.

By the time the final track rolls around, I'm ready to end it. It's rare that a Manowar disc ends with its worst track, but this is a fine example. This song just pisses me off. It's completely unnecessary, and it feels like an exploitation of their own work. Crafting an entire song out of the titles of previous songs is hard to do and make it not sound retarded. They already did it successfully with the classic, "Blood of the Kings," so why even attempt it again? This is just shit. Possibly one of the worst songs they ever recorded. It's a shame. When a band has the ability to round out an album with a barrage of bad-assedness like on Warriors of the World or Fighting the World, to fizzle out with a piece of shit song like this should be embarrassing.

Overall, I place this album somewhere near the bottom of my fave scale, which I included in my comprehensive post about Manowar back in February. Probably right above Louder Than Hell. That would make the updated list:

1. Battle Hymns MMXI
2. Warriors of the World
3. Kings of Metal
4. Hail to England
5. Fighting the World
6. Gods of War
7. The Triumph of Steel
8. Sign of the Hammer
9. Battle Hymns

10. The Lord of Steel
11. Louder Than Hell
12. Into Glory Ride

Note, though, that these are full-length releases only. 2009's Thunder in the Sky was technically an EP, but I'd place it pretty high on the list if I could, probably right below Kings of Metal. I think it's some of their finest work of late. If you could take the entirety of Thunder in the Sky and combine it with three of the strongest tracks from Lord of Steel, you'd have one hell of an album.

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Draw Something is amazing!

I have a confession. I am balls-deep into a Draw Something addiction right now. I cannot recommend a mobile app any higher than I do this game. It is so incredibly fun, even without purchasing the $1.99 premium upgrade, though I'm bound to do so at any time now.

I play this game whenever I have a chance. I currently have about 15 games going, and at times I find myself thinking that's just not enough. So far there are about half a dozen players I really enjoy volleying back and forth with (and one of those is an opponent that was randomly selected for me). I can still have fun with all the players in my games, but there is that handful whose drawings I truly anticipate receiving, not only to watch them guess my drawing, but to see what they have in store for me.

I try my best to avoid taking the easy way out on a drawing whenever possible. Of course, sometimes I am limited by the size of my iPhone, especially when coupled with the sausagelike fngers that are doing the drawing. But for the most part I have stuck to my plan of creating a challenge out of each round when I can, not only for myself, but for the guesser as well. For instance, last night the word I chose to draw was "red." I could have drawn a splotch of red paint and pointed to it with an arrow.

Instead--and I wish I'd done a screen grab of this now--I went with "red" as more of a theme. I drew (in this order) a wall splattered with blood, a huge puddle on the floor, a bloody, severed stick-man arm lying in the puddle, a kneeling, blood-spattered stickman sans one arm next to it, and the caption, "Oh dear. It appears my arm has fallen off."

One time for "blender" I drew (again, in this order) a nondescript green, red and slightly yellow swirl topped by a green splotch with what appeared to be two bulging eyes, a cup or jar surrounding it, a black base, some buttons, an electrical cord , and more colored splotches radiating out from the carnage; a frog in a blender.

Here are a few I did get screen grabs of. These are some of my greatest examples of not taking the easy way out. Once again, anyone can view my entire ongoing album of favorite original Draw Something screen grabs at this URL. Please stop by for a chuckle or two. Enjoy the preview below!

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Oh my gosh, I'm a copyright pirate

Ahoy there, mateys! Yer friendly neighborhood pirate here, plunderin' the seas of copyrighted classical music and gettin' notices in me YouTube account.Now, I don't do a whole lot of uploading to my YouTube channel, so maybe this kind of thing has been going on for some time and I was just unaware of it. I got an email notice this morning regarding a video I uploaded yesterday. __________________________________________

Dear SPR1N9H33L,
Your video may have content that is owned or licensed by UMG, but it’s still available on YouTube! In some cases, ads may appear next to it.
This claim is not penalizing your account status. Visit your Copyright Notice page for more details on the policy applied to your video.
Sincerely,
- The YouTube Team
_____________________________________________

Apparently I have so sufficiently violated a copyright as to restrict my video from even being viewed in some places.

Vivaldi died two and a half centuries ago. I don't think he's in the Great Beyond, patrolling the Interwebs to find copyright infringers. I say if he has no beef with people recording his music and making their own money off it ad infinitum, those people should have no beef with me posting a three-minute clip of his music (not theirs--I don't care who perfomed it) and gaining no profit. Copyright law is stupid sometimes.

YouTube's answer to the copyright claim makes even less sense. The video has been blocked in Germany, has ads running next to it in some locations, and has been disabled from viewing with mobile devices. I wonder why Germany specifically. Vivaldi was Italian. The Venice Baroque Orchestra is obviously Italian. UMG (Universal Media Group) is owned by Vivendi, a French company... I lose the trail there.

I also wonder why, in response to a copyright claim, YouTube's answer is to place ads with the clip in question. And really, what isn't a mobile device these days? Do desktop computers even exist anymore? (I'm exaggerating, of course. I'm one of the probably 20% of people at work who actually has a desktop PC at my cubicle)

And I like this option of replacing the audio with a song from the YouTube library. You can't change the musical accompaniment to a ballet piece! Though I wonder what I'd have to choose from. It might be worth an experiment to find out. Perhaps I could try replacing Vivaldi with "Chocolate Rain."

Finished another project for Peoria Ballet

As the title of the post indicates, I just finished putting together the program for Peoria Ballet's annual showcase. First they contacted me because they had no cover for the program. Got that done in about an hour. Today, they discovered they had major issues with the program content itself so I was tapped to recreate it and fix all the complications. It was a rush job, but I'm proud of how it turned out. Here's the cover image. (Photography by Ching)

By the way, tickets are still available for this show. It's the culmination of the academy's training over the last semester, and if past performances are any indication it will be a wonderful show. I did get a chance to observe a rehearsal last week, and there are some truly beautiful pieces involved.

My son, age 10, has been dancing with the Peoria Ballet for several years now. He's been working hard and is hoping to graduate to level 3 very soon, perhaps after his summer intensives.

It really is an excellent school of ballet, and Peoria is fortunate to have an instructor and art director like Servy Gallardo around to teach here. He takes a great amount of pride in what he does for the academy and its students.

Gallardo, who has also taught in major metropolitan ballet schools, frequently comments about how impressed he is with the eagerness of Peoria students to work hard and learn.

I'm proud that my son is one of those eager students. He's just like any other ten-year-old boy in many respects. He loves NERF guns, video games and Pokemon, but above all he has a genuine love of dance. Some kids like baseball, football or NASCAR, but not my kid. He's found his calling. No matter what he does or where he goes in life, dance is going to have a big part in it, I'm confident and proud to say.

For the joy that Peoria Ballet has brought my son, I am always pleased to help the academy out when I'm needed. Whether it's set-building, backstage crew, cast parties, shooting video, grinding out print work last minute or whatever else they throw at me, they can always count me in.

Hail and Kill

June 16 is the date I await. Digital prerelease of the new Manowar CD--with a new official title which was unveiled last week--Lord of Steel. This will reportedly be a departure from the epic metal sound and a return to raw, kick-ass metal, more in line with WOTW and Battle Hymns. That's exactly what I was hoping for. Nothing kicks more ass than Manowar when they are going balls-out. Joey promises this album will blow our heads off. Can't wait!

The return of the coney dog

So I know this isn't media related, but it is related to previous posts, so if you don't like it, suck it.

Oh happy day! My wife and I just stumbled upon the original owner of Emo's Dairymart in Peoria. A year or two ago she sold her business and her coney dog recipe. Being big fans of her coneys, we were sad to see her go--especially once the new owners failed to deliver upon reopening. I have nothing against the Ice Cream Shack (the other place owned by the new Emo's owners) but Peoria really doesn't need two of them.

So here we are a year or so later, and my wife decided to try a new ice cream and coney place that's been open for a while. It's called simply Coneys, and it's located on Willow Knolls Drive in Peoria. Turns out, it was built by Janice, the former proprietor of Emo's. Need I say how good the dogs are? Oh. My. God. And the ice cream! 34 flavors of soft serve just like old Emo's!

So anyone else who misses the old Emo's like we do, make your way out to Coneys on Willow Knolls for a familiar treat or three.

Fresh news from the camp of Manowar

Hot off the virtual presses comes the news that Manowar's new song, "El Gringo," is actually the theme song from a movie with the same name. Releasing soon, the movie appears to be a modern "B" western with tons of gunfire, exploding blood squibs and bad dialogue.

Perhaps it's prejudicial of me to give a review of the movie based solely on its trailer, but I'm pretty sure I'll be proven correct.

But I'm overlooking the point here. Manowar have finally made it onto a movie soundtrack! No, it's not the exposure they deserve; they should have been tapped for a song on the Thor soundtrack--that was a no-brainer. But for now, I'll take it.

The best news (for me) of yesterday's press release is the confirmation that the new album's direction will be similar to 2002's Warriors of the World, one of my favorite efforts by the band, and that we're still on track for a, "world premiere and digital pre-release in June 2012."

Hail and Kill. Gods of War, I await thy steel.

iReview the iPhone 4

Well, I've had my iPhone 4 for two weeks now, and in that time I've finally been able to form an opinion of the device. That's right, I said iPhone 4 - *not* 4S. What do you think, I'm made of money or something? The two iPhone 4s were pricey enough as it is.

So allow me to begin by saying that overall I LOVE my phone. Really though, I might not be a good person to ask. It is, after all, my first smart phone. I've never had a data plan or 3G availability before, so it could be that I'm merely smitten with having the Web at my fingertips whenever I want it.

I'm proud to say, however, that I have not gone apeshit buying apps. As a matter of fact I have spent less that $5 on apps and am quite pleased with the results. I do have my eye on an additional $2.99 app but I've been biding my time in case the urge passes.

So what apps are my faves so far? Glad you asked. First, there's the addictive doodle game Draw Something (see attached screenshot), which has proven to be not only fun but very easy as well. Admittedly, it would be MUCH easier on an iPad instead.

Another game followed me from Facebook--Words with Friends. I find social online gaming in general a lot easier to keep up with now that I'm always "jacked in."

In addition to gaming, there's my newly expanded presence in the world of social media now that I'm constantly plugged in to Facebook, Twitter, Flickr, Instagram and my newest obsession, Foursquare. (I have four mayorships already)

And believe it or not, I purchased my first electronic book in the iTunes store. It was the complete writings of H.P. Lovecraft--EVERYTHING--short stories, novellas, poetry, essays--for $5.99. Hard to pass up and even harder to not enjoy, even on my tiny iPhone screen. I've been reading one short story every night before bed. I even took back a library book without cracking the cover.

Anyway, I can now say that I understand the appeal of ebooks, and I will likely purchase an e-reader at some point in the future.

Drawbacks? The battery life sucks, BIG TIME. I'm accustomed to going three to four days without requiring a charge. Now it's daily. Of course, previously my phone was just a phone and texting tool. Now it's damn near a new appendage. I guess the drain on the battery should be expected when you use your phone as much as I have been.

Another gripe? This one's a legitimate complaint: The vibrate function is barely worthwhile. Most times it might as well be nonexistent because you can't feel it anyway.

So while I don't like not being able to tell if I'm getting notifications on silent mode or being tethered to my charging cable (or not being able to utilize perfectly good generic charging cables that worked just fine with my iPod--Apple bastards), I am certainly impressed overall. This phone has easily changed my life.

For the better? We'll see. By the way, this is the first post which I blogged entirely from my iPhone.

--------5/22/2012--------
UPDATE!!! See some of my most cherished drawings from my turns at DRAW SOMETHING in my Facebook photo album located here. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll likely scratch your head. But you'll definitely laugh, or at least snicker to yourself quietly.

A practical use for Photoshop

As part of my job I am the staff photographer. I always clearly communicate the portrait dress code, but sometimes people either don't listen, refuse to comply, or as in a couple of cases, don't have the required attire in their wardrobe. Here's how I deal with that.

First, I thank my lucky stars that there are people who do comply. It gives me plenty of source material for the project. Then, I simply do a wardrobe transplant.

Here the gentleman to the left did not bring a jacket for the shoot. Now, we have some spare jackets lying around, but this guy's a stout dude--his neck's like a tree trunk, for crying out loud. I have nothing that will fit him. The other problem complicating things was that he is a remote field employee. He hardly ever visits the home office--maybe once a year. There was no way to reschedule a reshoot; I had to get his photo this time or there was no telling how long it would be before the opportunity presented itself again.

Lucky for me I had plenty of source photos to comb through and look for a jacket to match his ensemble. I chose one from the photo of another gentleman with broader-than-normal shoulders, but I still had to do a fair bit of transforming to make it match the contours of the first man. Then just for the heck of it I decided to lighten the color a tad to more of a charcoal.

Anyway, this wasn't my first time at the rodeo. In doing employee photos I've also had to composite up to as many as four shots into one final product, add a necktie, tighten a necktie, remove wrinkles (from clothing and faces), color hair, whiten teeth, add color to dead-looking, sunless, pale faces, remove cold sores and other blemishes... You name it. That's part of semi-professional portrait photography. You have to hope for the best but expect the worst and be prepared to address it.

New version of Audacity looks good so far

As you know, I have recently discovered a software release that got me quite excited, the newest incarnation of Sourceforge's open source audio editing suite, Audacity. I downloaded it yesterday and I have had a little bit of time to fiddle around with it since then. After that brief exposure I can now give my initial impressions of its capabilities, some of the more obvious differences since the last version, and maybe even a couple of things I don't like or that will, at the very least, take some getting used to.

THE GOOD:

• Much faster MP3 export
• Variable speed playback slider keeps you from mucking about in the effects menu just to play something back a bit slower
• Playhead indicator goes across all tracks when using the time shift tool, making it much easier to synch tracks to each other
• Includes a sliding time/pitch shift tool - I'm very excited about this one!
• I'm also excited about the new vocoder tool, but I have not yet had the chance to mess with it
• New vocal remover tool
• More tone generators
• And best of all, NO CRASHES YET!

THE BAD:

• The reverb option is gone - perhaps it's been integrated with the echo effect
• The project menu is gone and I suspect it's been split up between the new tracks menu and some of the other menu options, making it difficult to navigate at first
• The ID3 tagging was also tough to find - in this version it's called metadata, which I guess is an appropriate name anyway; I liked the interface though, once I found it

THE WTF?

This release includes a DTMF generator, for which I cannot imagine a proper use. If someone has any idea, please fill me in. If you don't know what DTMF is, it stands for Dual Tone Multi Frequency... Basically it's the sounds a touch tone phone makes when you press the buttons. The new generator in Audacity allows you to input a string combination and it will insert that string in DTMF format into your project at the indicated point. What for? I don't know. Please help.

So that's my initial impression. If I discover any other new gems (or headaches) in dealing with this software, I'll be sure to post them right here. Any way you look at it, this version is a major improvement on an already superior piece of programming. As I mentioned before, you can't beat free, unless it's free and of a superlative quality; Audacity is both. Thanks, Sourceforge.

Sourceforge releases new version of sound editor

I was stoked to learn this morning that our friends at Sourceforge have recently taken their wonderful sound editor, Audacity, from its latest beta version to a full, new version release! On March 13 of this year, they unveiled Audacity v 2.0!

A screenshot from Audacity 2.0

I've been using Audacity for many years, and I can't be happier with its performance. For a free product, you can't beat it. Audacity outperforms some premium products I've used. This release addresses, among other things, some of the bugs that have been driving me occasionally nuts, primarily the one that causes the program to sometimes crash for no reason after recording in Windows 7. Even though the product has admittedly brought me infrequent headaches over the years due to glitches like this, I would still wholeheartedly recommend it to any audiophile who wants a powerful piece of audio editing software on a budget.

I have not yet had time to explore all the upgrades in this release. If I end up having more feedback on the matter I will definitely forward it on to the Sourceforge team and post it here for the curious.



Manowar update re: Hammer of the Gods

I was looking at my posts today and noticed when browsing the analytics that the post that's brought in the most readers was the post I did about Manowar. With that in mind and my desire to become part of the "Circle," here's a fresh post concerning a 2012 album update.

Manowar today released the second preview from the upcoming Hammer of the Gods album release. The song is called "Expendable," and it sounds like a true metal masterpiece to me. Here's an exclusive clip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=koNYpiwHjHY&feature=colike

If you missed the first preview, for the song "El Gringo," you can find it here:

http://youtu.be/2JOqDxJ5trY

Both are some kickass sounding tunes. I am more excited for this release than any other album yet. The previews make the songs sound like they are not as full of the typical Manowar trope that has honestly made the band a bit of a joke with outsiders over the years.

Let's hope that 2012 will be the year that Manowar gains some much overdue respect in the rock world. Hail and Kill, brothers and sisters of true metal!

Sorry for the absence

See, I recently got my first smart phone, the iPhone 4 with Sprint's unlimited data plan, so I have been quite busy trying to clog the 3G pipeline with as much data downloading as possible.

I promise to have a proper post early this week yet.

"The Hunger Games" failed to satisfy my craving

"The Hunger Games" is now playing in theaters everywhere.

I took my 4th grader to see The Hunger Games tonight because he just finished reading the novel and had been asking to go. I've never read the books myself, and I don't plan on doing so either. After having seen the film, any limited interest I had in joining the Hunger Games bandwagon has evaporated. Ash enjoyed the movie, though he reminded me repeatedly throughout it that we were not watching a loyal adaptation of the book on film; the two were worlds apart based upon his description.

Here's my take: I saw the first trailer for The Hunger Games a few months ago, before I'd even heard of the book and all its hype. I remember turning to my friend during the trailer and saying, "Who is this movie's target audience? Seems like a kids' movie, but it looks kind of violent." And later on, after the trailer concluded, "Jeez, really? What do you think the odds are of that chick dying at the end?" I was implying that the movie looked formulaic and predictable, the kind of film where you can call every shot at least two minutes before it happens on screen.

Now it doesn't happen all the time, but this time I happened to be spot-on accurate in my estimation of what to expect on screen when that theater darkened tonight. But that wasn't the worst of it. Not only was the entire premise of the plot completely absurd, but it borrowed so much from other films as to be totally devoid of any originality or suspense. And the future world in which it took place was presented with laughable melodrama, failing to successfully connect or identify with the viewer on even the most basic level of being human. It was totally non-believable.

David Carradine starred in the 1975 film "Death Race 2000."

I can accept the notion of a future version of the U.S. which follows a second Civil War, breaking the country up from 50 states to 12 districts. However, regardless of the believability of the uprising that brought on the state of the former union, the idea that the citizens of the former U.S. would not only allow, but support, their government in requiring their children to take part in such a brutal bloodsport, even for food, is ridiculous. I've seen similarly themed movies that were actually more plausible--The Running Man, 1932's The Most Dangerous Game, Surviving the Game with Ice T, Logan's Run, Roger Corman's Death Race 2000 for crying out loud...

In a nutshell this world is like 1984 meets Logan's Run meets Robin Hood. As I said, no originality. We aren't ever told exactly what year the story takes place in, but certain parts initially led me to think perhaps the 22nd century. The movie begins in a small, dirty mining town surrounded by a lush forest. Later on in the film we move to a large city (via an Atlas Shrugged-style speeding super train) and certain other things struck me as severely anachronistic for only a hundred years or so in the future, so I started thinking it might be more like 500 years on.

The partygoers at the Frankenstein house had...unique...flair.

For one, there's the fashion. It's like the costume designer for the Rocky Horror Picture Show got together with Dr. Seuss and Prince Poppycock to come up with a clothing line for the future earth. Ridiculous, colorful, twisty, shiny and flashy clothing and accessories. And the city... Like a cross between Oz and Alderaan. The citizens fit right in.
Then there's the technology. I initially thought the games were taking place in some sort of forest, perhaps on a secluded, escape-proof island. When Katniss tries to escape, though, it turns out to be more like a Truman Show style, enormous enclosure. Remember when Truman Burbank tried to escape by driving in one direction until he couldn't any more? Katniss did that on foot. Remember how they stopped Truman? Forest fire. Guess how the eyes in the sky stopped Katniss? Yep. Forest fire. (facepalm)

Jim Carrey plays Truman Burbank in "The Truman Show."

So it's like the Truman Show--cameras hidden everywhere (even in trees), environmental controls, fire spraying weaponry that pops out of the ground like a lawn sprinkler, the ability to display a computer readout or TV feed on the sky (?)... But then the control operators start fiddling with some sort of hellhound hologram in their control room, and the next thing you know, a bunch of them just...APPEAR...in the forest. What??? What the hell is going on? OK, so I guess it's less Truman Show and more like a Star Trek holodeck. Oy vey.

Then there's the script. Let's just say it could very well have been written by whoever wrote any given Spy Kids movie and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised. Just one example. I'd hate to give away any spoilers (ha!). So Katniss is found by a gang of rival contestants who are working together. She's being tracked, and the group is led by her supposed teammate and friend (the boy who loves her). She outruns them and climbs a large tree to get away but they find her and decide to, "wait her out. She has to come down sometime."

Not exactly cinema gold.

They camp out directly beneath the tree and she sleeps 40 feet up, tethered to some large branches. Only in the morning does she notice the ENORMOUS nest of mutant hornets ten feet above her, conveniently hanging smack over the sleeping enemy. Katniss endures a few venomous stings in dislodging the nest, but the payoff is huge as thousands of angry "tracker jackers" swarm her murderous foes. Half of them don't survive the attack but her traitorous friend does. Later in the movie the two of them rejoin one another and it's like the incident never even happened. Are you kidding me? He tried to KILL HER. Who just forgets that?

Anyway, I guess you can tell I won't be recommending this movie to anyone over the age of 14, which is a shame because it is rather violent. It's a pity that the only people who should be able to enjoy this film are tweens on the edge of puberty and under the MPAA's (and my, as I agree with the rating) recommended viewing age. The film is rated PG-13 for violence and alcohol use. There might have been tobacco use--I don't remember for sure. There is very little to no objectionable language and no sexual content whatsoever.

Unfortunately, there's very little good to say about The Hunger Games either, other than my ten-year-old son said he loved it. However, even he commented that it was more violent than he's used to seeing. We're pretty conservative with our permissiveness as far as movie viewing. Normally a PG-13 would require a parental pre-viewing, but since he'd just read the book I decided it would be OK this time to skip that.

Monk is about to go splat in the original "Men in Black."

The difference with the violence in this movie compared to what he's seen before on film is that this was more grounded in reality. This isn't Agent K splattering Jeebs' head to snot in Men in Black only to see it grow back five seconds later; this is teens in a contest for their lives, killing other teens with knives, spears, bows and bricks. It's definitely more visceral than your average sci-fi violence against ugly aliens with laser guns. The only sci-fi parallel that comes to mind for the emotional weight of the violence in this movie is that in Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith.

My recommendation for parents: buy your kids the books and skip the movie(s?). The books may be violent too, but at least they'll be reading. It's becoming a lost art these days. I've heard a lot of great things about the series from kids and adults alike. And if it can get MY son to read, there must be something to the hype.