A treasure of days long past and people forgotten

My grandmother's school autograph book from 1928

I was recently granted the privilege of examining an autograph book keepsake from 1928. The book belonged to my now deceased maternal grandmother, Doris Courson, née Foote, and it came into the possession of my mother after her passing. It is a quaint peek into early 20th Century schoolhouse life. I really enjoyed reading page after page of elementary & middle school writings.

The maturity level of some of these writings is very impressive, as is the overall spelling and penmanship. Unless otherwise noted, all entries were written by her schoolmates, children ranging from age 10 through age 12.

I don’t know which of these little witticisms and tributes are original works and which were commonplace elementary schoolboy platitudes of the era, so I’m going to give credit to the author of each just in case there’s an original, genuinely clever idea in here.

There are a few of these that I absolutely adore, but I felt compelled to share them all. Their original formatting has been kept intact as written. I have separated them into categories for my own reasons, which I assume will be obvious as you read them.

We start with some genuine well wishes from what I can only guess were very close friends:

Another friend made
May you ever be so good and pure as you are to-day
I will always remember you
as one of my friends
~Lila Blanche Goodell
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When the golden sun is setting
and your mind from care is free
and o’er a thousand things you’re thinking
Will you sometimes think of me?
~Mary Weff
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When twilight draws its curtain
and pins it with a star
Remember that you have a friend
tho’ you may wander far.
~Verda Clive Dahler
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In this corner I choose a spot
In which I write forget-me-not
Though it be cloudy
Or they be blue
Remember me as I do you.
~Bethol Paul

This moves us into the category of clever quips that make you stop and think:

This old world we’re livin’ in is mighty hard to beat.
We get a thorn with every rose,
But ain’t the roses sweet?
~Lois Miller
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Love everybody but trust few
And always paddle your own canoe
~Your sister, Leone Foote
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May your friends forever be
Numberless as the sands of the sea
~Aunt Rosa

The evolution of romance:

Happy may you live
Single in your station.
Happy be the little man
Who makes the alteration.
~Celia Lois Anderson
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Long may you live
Happy may you be
Sitting in the parlor
On your husband’s knee
~Vera Walker
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When you get married and live upstairs,
Please don’t come down and borrow my chairs.
~Bernadine Pearl McFarland
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Forget the moon,
Forget the stars,
Forget buzzing of the cars.
Forget your husband’s socks to mend,
But don’t forget your old true friend.
~Vera Schoonover
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When you get married
And your old man gets cross
Come over to my house
And eat applesauce
~Dale Roberts
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When you get married and
your old man gets mad and
hits you with a stove poker
Run away to your old friend.
~Vera Marie Varner
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May you forever be happy
and never get married.
~Uncle Aschel
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Sure as a grape vine grows
around a rafter
Woodrow Goodell is the
fellow you are after.
~Lorraine Wheeler

Funny stories:

We mortals have to swat and shoo
the flies from dawn ‘til dark—
‘cause Noah didn’t swat the two
that roosted in the ark.
~Irene Thompson
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Mary had a little lamb
She sat it on the shelf
And every time it would wag its tail
It spanked its little self.
~Mildred Goodell

Funny bits that are probably NOT original to the writer:

When you see a donkey
tied up to a tree
pull his tail and think
of
me
~Mary Lou Ellen Landon
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When you see a monkey
tied up to a tree
pull his tail and think of me
~Russell W.F.
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I pity the baker
I pity the cook
I pity the one
who steals this book
~Gladys Hammond
~Your sister, Ruth Foote
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I pity the river
I pity the brook
I pity the one
that steals this book
~Mary Gebbetti
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Way out yonder upon a stump
Just think of me before you jump.
~Avo Ford
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Here I stand upon a stump
Come and kiss me before I jump.
~Emmilou Nelson
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Roses are red, violets are blue
Sugar is sweet and so are you
~Hagel Horr
~Alberta Schoonover

Which leads me to the next one, a perfect segue into the "Say what?" category:

Roses are red
violets are blue
Coal is black
and so are you.
~Frances Young
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Remember me now.
Remember me late.
Remember your friend
Who writes up hill.
~Ruth Miller
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I bet  you a nickel,
I bet you a kiss,
You cannot guess
What little girl wrote this.
~Miss Mary Miller
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I like bedbugs, I like fleas
I like you if you like me.
~Aunt Elma
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When I stand up high, what do I only see?
But when I see it
It breaks my heart in to
Your friend
~Mary Margaret Marie

And the prize winner for biggest WTF moment goes to:

Pull in your neck
When you’re going through a town,
~Francis Roofner

And finally, since I couldn't end on that one, here's the best wish you can give someone:

I wish you health,
I wish you wealth,
I wish you gold in store.
I wish you Heaven when you die.
How could I wish you more?
~Aunt Pearl
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I hope you enjoyed these relics of a bygone day as much as I enjoyed sharing them with you. Happy holidays to you and yours.

Shane

Thankful

What am I thankful for this holiday season?

1. I am thankful that I have three healthy, talented and creative children to carry on my name into future generations. They have each made me proud in their own ways and I couldn't ask for a better set of youngsters to perpetuate the family name and genes into the future.
2. I am thankful for my parents and the upbringing they gave me. I was taught by example the difference between right and wrong and how to be a good person and a loving husband and father.
3. I am thankful that I have the love of a good woman who not only puts up with all my shit but also challenges me to be a better person than I was yesterday.
4. I am thankful that I have a steady job where I feel appreciated and the goal of the company is to help people. In this volatile climate I am fortunate to be celebrating my five-year anniversary at the same place of employment when many companies are downsizing.
5. I am thankful to have not only a family of my own that supports me but also a family of in-laws that have made me feel a welcomed member of the family from day one. I owe an enormous debt to the Saffords, as they have also helped shape who I am in these last 14 years. I would not be the person I am today were it not for their love and support.
6. I am thankful that I have the opportunity to send my children to a top-notch school where they are getting an education that will serve them well throughout their educational careers and put them in a category above most public school students.
7. I am thankful to be living in this wonderful (though sometimes frightening and occasionally terrifying) Information Age. Gaining new knowledge and insights has never been easier for any previous generation, and I feel fortunate to have entire libraries of knowledge at my fingertips whenever I want it.
8. I am thankful that there is so much left to learn, see and do in this life before I leave it behind. I grow more in my skin each day and I find that each year finds my outlook on life growing more and more positive. I am finally beginning to shed some of that angst that was so close to my heart for many years.
9. I am thankful for my ability to make others laugh. A sense of humor is important, and making others forget their worries, even for a moment, and blast out a healthy guffaw or two is a gift I cherish. Seriousness has its place, but it's good for the soul to be able to let your hair down now & then and to help others do the same.
10. I am thankful for the holidays such as the ones fast approaching, which bring family and friends together to celebrate their love and respect for one another while creating memories to not only last a lifetime but to pass down to future generations. Thanksgiving and Christmas are a wonderful way to end each year, in the company of the people you love, giving one another gifts and sharing warm & fuzzy feelings with one another.

Online Christmas shoppers beware

I thought it was a misprint meant to read "8.5 centimeters in width." Guess not.

I see an opportunity

I send my kids to what I guess you could consider a very enlightened and EXTREMELY diverse private school. Diversity is celebrated there, sometimes overly so in my opinion. Every little holiday that each culture at the school celebrates is noted in school emails, commons area decorations, and even sometimes it's reflected in the curriculum. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I recognize that it's *my* problem to deal with.
 
But this is one instance that put a special kind of bug up my ass. This is an excerpt from the latest school email. Let me preface this by saying that I realize the way I feel is not necessarily correct. It's a gut feeling that is being perpetuated every day in this country by well intended, god fearing, flag waving patriots with no intention of opening themselves up to the possibility that they could ever have been misinformed or misled with regards to their knowledge of other cultures.
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Sacrifice
Some of our families will commemorate and celebrate sacrifice in very different ways this upcoming week.  
Eid-Al-Adha, one of the major holidays of Islam, will be celebrated on Sunday, November 6. According to Muslim tradition, it celebrates the sacrifice that Abraham was willing to make of his own son Ishmael when he was commanded to show his commitment to Allah. The name of the holiday, Eid Al-Adha, means "The Feast of the Sacrifice." Students celebrating will be excused from homework and no tests should be given on Monday to them.  
November 11 is, of course, Veterans Day (official celebration on November 12). We wish to honor all of you who have served our nation, and those grandparents who also served. I am reminded of the quote from journalist Elmer Davis, journalist, who wrote  

"This nation will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave."
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My initial reaction to this section is one of disgust. My gut tells me that these two holidays are at odds with one another, and to remind us of a Muslim day of sacrifice immediately preceding a reminder of the honor we bestow upon our dedicated soldiers is a slap in the face to not only those soldiers of ours who sacrificed their lives in our most recent military confrontations, but also to our nation and each of its citizens.
 
I'm going to go out on a limb here, though, and open myself up to the possibility that my gut is wrong. That makes me very uncomfortable, but I think that discomfort might be a growing pain of sorts.
 
Are the Russians evil? Are the Japanese evil? Are the Germans evil? Are Southerners evil? Are the English (British) evil? I say "no" to each of these, but over the last couple of centuries, I guarantee there was a time when the common answer in this part of the country would be a resounding "yes."
 
During the Cold War, all the propaganda was anti-communist. "Better Dead than Red." And I believe many Americans would have considered themselves enemies of the USSR. A Russian was a communist, therefore an enemy of the USA and its citizens. I don't think I'm far off in carrying these sentiments back in time through WWII ("Krauts" are evil), WWI ("Japs" are evil), Vietnam, etc., all the way back past the Civil War and even the American Revolution.
 
Today is no different. We have been engaged in a conflict for many years with an enemy who happens to be represented by people who claim the Muslim faith. To many of us, that translates to "Islam is evil." That's what my gut tells me. Perhaps my gut is caught up in the game just as many others are. Islam is the world's second-largest religion. It's not going anywhere so we might as well learn to tolerate it, maybe even welcome it as this country welcomes everyone.
 
Just as there are assholes in the world who claim Christianity as their faith, there are assholes in the world who claim to represent Islam. Assholes should be judged by their behavior as representing assholes, not as representing people of color or of a specific religion. By that standard, the IED-wearing asshole who blew up some military motorcade in the desert near Kabul would be a first-degree asshole rather than a lowlife Muslim.
 
I understand there are passages in the Quran which might demean women or represent them as lower-class people. I have news for you, there are similar sentiments shared in the Bible. Not to mention all the flogging, stoning and sacrifices endorsed by the Holy Bible. It's what we do with these words and the rest of them as a whole that is the issue.
 
The Bible directs its adherents to abide by the laws of the land in addition to the higher laws of God, as "the powers that be are ordained of God." (Romans 13:1). Does the Quran? I don't know. But there's always the possibility that some asshole is going to take the parts they identify with best and turn them into a holy crusade. Look at Fred Phelps. He's king of the Bible-twisting assholes in this country. Again, this makes  people like this ASSHOLES. When it's a government or an army, it's just a BUNCH OF ASSHOLES. Nothing more. We shouldn't judge and punish the normal folks who live by the virtuous parts of these writings by the actions of the rogue assholes.
 
I'm going to make a better effort to not become a slave to my gut, but to keep it in check with continued education and enlightenment.

Older photography stuff

Throwing up some of my favorite photos I shot at a construction site a couple of years ago, just because. If you like them, click on over to www.flickr.com/darkseid to see more.

Design update

Hey there! Been a long time, huh? Sorry about the delay, but things have been super busy at work and at home. Here's one of the things I worked on at the office since last I posted.

I was charged with designing a "mascot" for the company, to be used internally to bring awareness of security issues. We needed a face to go with internal messages that pass along proper procedures for keeping sensitive information safe from intrusion, keeping the building and personal property secure from theft, and maintaining a safe culture.

They wanted someone part Sherlock Holmes, part Inspector Clouseau. I came up with this inspector-type guy.

A country-pop crossover that everyone should have

Little River Band - Greatest Hits
Four of five stars

You know that one late '70s country-ish rock song? By that one band? Yeah, chances are it was a Little River Band song. And it's probably on their 1982 collection, Greatest Hits.

This is one greatest hits collection that should be in any classic rock or country music fan's catalog. If you're over 35, track after track you're going to be like, "I remember this song! I didn't know this was Little River Band."

There really is not a dud track on this disc, but the ones you'll probably recognize immediately are "Reminiscing," "The Night Owls," "Lonesome Loser" and "Cool Change." Every track brings back pleasant memories of the 1970s. I love this disc.

Fantastic album - going to be HUGE

Lady Gaga - Born This Way

Five of five stars (because six is impossible)

Lady Gaga has once again broken new ground and proven herself a pop superstar to be reckoned with. This album is going to just explode. Born This Way is one CD that incorporates the best of many different influences, mainly electronic and dance.

Highlights include the three singles you already know ("Edge of Glory," "Born This Way" and "Judas") as well as the title track, the aggro-tech-tinged "Government Hooker" and "Scheiße," the retro-Madonna-esque "Fashion of His Love," "Electric Chapel," which smacks a bit of Goldfrapp, and Gaga's love song to her Nebraska beau, "You and I," easily one of her best tracks ever. That's a lot of highlights for one album. She set the bar high with The Fame, but any Gaga fan will be extremely pleased with this purchase. Highly recommended.

Graphic for local youth theater

This is the vector drawing I created for the t-shirts, fliers and posters of a play that my young son is in this spring. I can't take all the credit; I used Adobe Illustrator CS3 to recreate the work of artist Joseph Gleeson,which I found in a scan of a public domain printing of the stories on Project Gutenburg.

Still, it represents about 20 hours of work. I also acquired a new Genius G-Pen and I used the hell out of it. I'm looking forward to another project. Guess I can now finish the project I've been slowly working on for my teenage son's metal band.

The most engaging Alice Cooper album of all

Alice Cooper - From the Inside

Five of five stars

Alice Cooper has been reinventing himself and his sound over and over again for decades, but 1978's From the Inside stands out as the most transparent, personal and honest effort to date. Too, the musicality is unmatched in the Cooper catalog. A deeply introspective exploration of Alice's thoughts and of the characters he claimed to have met while in a sanitarium addressing his alcoholism, this is a rock album that everyone should give a spin.

Worthy of mentioning is that Cooper's songwriting collaborator on this album was Bernie Taupin, most famous for his long-time professional association with Sir Elton John. Personally, this particular Alice Cooper album ranks as one of my top three favorites, in such diverse company as Killer and Raise Your Fist & Yell, though it's more accessible than the other two for newbies to the Alice Cooper catalog or those who like their rock a little less hard. Be warned, though - it's definitely dated and a few tracks have a distinct, funky kind of '70s vibe.

Something that really grinds my gears (tip of the hat to Family Guy)

I’m only going to say this once. “Hysterical” is an adjective that refers to a specific medical/emotional condition, not an incident. As in “marked by or related to hysteria.” The root of the word is “hyster,” meaning “of or from the womb.” The word “hysterical” was originally used to describe women suffering from a neurotic ailment thought to have been caused by some sort of uterine dysfunction. Though some dictionaries will list “very funny” as a sixth or seventh definition, no doubt due to popular usage, sixth doesn’t count in my book. Screw popular usage. So although a HILARIOUS joke might cause a HYSTERICAL person to break out in unadulterated, HYSTERICAL fits of laughter, the joke itself is not hysterical.

Crazy, lazy, trippy, unforgettable chill fest

Cranes - Wings of Joy
four of five stars

This 1991 major-label debut from the alternative band Cranes is truly something to behold. Unique and hypnotic, Wings of Joy is unlike anything else you have ever heard. Though barely a single lyric on the entire album is decipherable, the songs have such a dark, flowing, trance inducing, creepy calmness that the marble-mouthed delivery is not only forgivable, but valued as an integral piece of the album as a whole. It reminds me quite a bit of some of Angelo Badalamenti's work on the Twin Peaks soundtrack. Standouts are "Watersong," "Leaves of Summer" and "Sixth of May."

Cranes have undergone an interesting metamorphosis over the years since this disc's release, now leaning heavily toward an electronic based sound, yet over all that time and change they have maintained their one-of-a-kind "Crane-ness." Each album can stand on its own merits, but if you purchase only one, make it Wings of Joy - on vinyl if you can find it. This is one of those albums that really does have so much more character on vinyl.

Guillermo del Toro to work with THQ on Lovecraftian horror game

Okay, so I'm late to get some news. I just read about this in the latest Game Informer magazine. I can't be the last one to know, though, so I figured I'd share because this is truly exciting news.

Guillermo del Toro, whom you probably know best as director of the very original and eerily atmospheric film Pan's Labyrinth, has engaged the assistance of THQ and Volition to bring to life a video game he's been envisioning for years. The story will arc over three installments, the first of which, titled Insane, is scheduled for release in 2013.

In a Game Informer interview, del Toro confirmed that the game series, "falls squarely in the H.P. Lovecraft horror universe. We are talking about very nasty tentacle things." And it's not your typical survival horror game. Insane promises to be very immersive and strongly emotional. Think about beginning the game believing one thing and by the end, the entire game is reinterpreted in a different light. Del Toro says, "The game is called Insane for a reason. Let me put it that way. I was very attracted to the idea of insanity in-game. That's the origin."

Well, I am definitely interested. Check out this teaser trailer, first revealed during the Video Game Awards.

I can't imagine who would want to purchase this image

Hmmm . . . I've been working on a news story about a confused Alzheimer's patient swiping a huge laptop computer from the front desk at his nursing home and wandering out the door and into the corn field across the street, where he whiled away a couple of hours fondling ripe ears of corn and asking them to cough. Where on earth will I get a photo to illustrate that? Oh, here we go.

An initial impression of the new iPod Shuffle

Just got my new iPod Shuffle yesterday at Best Buy. I've been putting it off for a while, since my 30GB iPod headphone port went kaput last year. It still works fine on my dock or when connected to anything else via USB so I just muddled through until I could take it no longer.

So after one day, here are my initial impressions of the 2GB iPod Shuffle:

God, it's small! About 3 x 3 centimeters.
The comparatively large click wheel on the front of the unit is just big enough for ease of operation, but the main operation slide-button on top is a bit tiny for my fat little sausage fingers and gnawed nails.

Speaking of function, this Shuffle offers two play modes via that sliding button on top: straight play and shuffle songs. Additionally, it does support playlists via the voice-over button in the center of the top of the unit. Yeah, I said voice-over.

At any time during playback, you can press this button and hear a familiar (if you're an Apple owner) computer-generated voice telling you the song title and artist information. Hold the button down and you will hear a list of all the playlists you have stored on the iPod. Whenever you hear the one you want, simply press the play button.

As I unboxed this thing, one impression hit me immediately: it charges via USB through its 3.5mm headphone port. First time I'd seen that. No other comment on that, other than it just being a weird sight--a short little wire with USB on one end and 3.5mm headphone on the other.

The clip on the back presents a bit of a problem. It's tough to open without punching buttons accidentally. There's not enough casing on the front to attain the leverage you need to open it unless you press on the outer ring of the click wheel.

My other gripe is regarding the earbuds packaged with the unit. These earbuds are garbage. The last two iPods I got included decent buds with foam covers. This unit's included buds really needs those foam covers because there is no traction on the buds at all--they are very prone to dislodging easily. Keep 'em as a backup, but use only as a last resort; that's my advice.

All in all, this seems to be a pretty good deal for around 40 bucks. Can't get more portable than 2.5 square inches. Can't get much more lightweight. If only it stored more than 2GB.

If you're not a real audiophile and don't mind lower bit rate music, there is an option in the iPod management screen of iTunes that will automatically resample any higher bit rate music stored on the iPod to 128 kbps. That would allow for more music storage than the 200 or so songs that you can keep on it at 320 kbps. I'm not that desperate yet. Think I'll just keep a fresh rotation going constantly.

You might scoff before you hear it, but it really is very good

Darius Rucker - Learn to Live

Five of five stars

I am personally more of a fan of classic country (1960-1990) than the contemporary stuff, but I think Learn to Live is easily one of the best modern country albums out there. Darius Rucker, former singer for soulful pop band Hootie and the Blowfish, couldn’t be a better fit for the genre. In my opinion this is another one of those must-have albums for anyone who loves music. If you love country music specifically, do not hesitate to purchase this one immediately. Every song on it is a potential hit.

A very somber and beautiful album

Neil Diamond - Dreams

Four of five stars

Neil Diamond's music has always been one of my guilty pleasures. I don't own a huge catalog of his albums but prior to this release I did have two volumes of greatest hits on CD and vinyl. Neil Diamond is one of the great singer-songwriters we have left in the 21st Century, a true legend in his own time.

Dreams is a special compilation of some of the greatest songs of the rock era, hand-chosen by Neil Diamond as the music that's personally touched him, recorded in a very honest and stripped-down fashion. Dreams is a great disc, especially if you happen to be in a reflective mood. However, if you feel like tapping your toes to "Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show," this ain't your record.

Highlights for me are "Alone Again (Naturally)," originally recorded by Gilbert O'Sullivan, "Randy Newman's "Feels Like Home," the Everly Brothers' "Let It Be Me," and "Don't Forget Me," originally by Nilsson.

A long walk

The kids & I took Daisy for a long walk last night. After about 15 minutes the conversation with my five-year-old daughter turned philosophical: "Dad, why are there people? How'd they get here?"
 
I took a deep breath and said, "There are a lot of ideas about that, but nobody here now was around then, to know for sure. Basically there are two main ideas: either God created people in one day, or people became what they are today by very slowly changing over millions of years from apes to apelike people to caveman-type people and eventually to us."
 
My eight-year-old son interrupted: "The first one is right. God created everybody. At least all Americans, but not people from other countries." D'oh! It was then I saw this was going to be a longer conversation than I'd originally anticipated. Good thing it was a LONG walk.
 
"Okay, why would you say that? Why didn't he create people from other countries?"
 
"Because they don't believe in God."
 
"Ash, if you believe God created people, then you have to believe that he created ALL people, not just the ones who believe in him. Whether THEY believe or not is immaterial."
 
Ash says, "I guess, but some people don't believe in our God. They believe in other stuff."
 
I agreed and reminded him of the poster at school that shows at least a dozen different versions of the Golden Rule from faiths around the world.
 
Calliope, quiet most of this time, chimed back in: "Dad, how many gods ARE there?"
 
"Well, most people will tell you there is only one. The problem is agreeing on WHICH one. Lots of faiths claim to worship what they call the true God, but as it turns out, they are not all the same God and each faith denies the existence of the other 'true' gods."
 
That's when Ash steered the conversation naturally toward the Greek pantheon. That was more solid ground for me. And soon the conversation was over. Whew. I should have just answered Calliope's original question with a simple "42" and quickly changed the subject to cartoons or something.

I welcome another writing opportunity

A couple of years ago I wrote a few reviews on iTunes then promptly forgot about them. Lately, with the launch of Ping, I started thinking about those reviews again. I reread them the other day and really liked the content. That's when I decided to add another branch to my regular writing. If you're interested in what I'm listening to or what my musical opinions are, please check me out on iTunes. Just go to iTunes Ping and search people for me. More reviews to come.

Who's the new guy?

Savatage - Edge of Thorns

Two of five stars

Savatage minus the vocal style of Jon Oliva has always been a disappointment to me. Edge of Thorns begins that trend and as such it holds a special place in my own private hell. That having been said, I’ll admit the disc is not without its high points. The title track is a solid tune and Stevens does a mighty fine job fitting in with the band’s signature progressive, melodic style.

 The next two or three tracks leave a lot more to be desired. Here is where the presence of a new vocalist brings to mind the difference between Sabbath with Ozzy and Sabbath with Tony Martin. In other words, you’re listening to a decent band, but it no longer resembles the band you’ve come to love.

The instrumental tracks give a little glimpse of hope, the penultimate three tracks deliver the goods, and the final song, “Sleep,” is a very good acoustic ballad that is not at all reminiscent of Savatage. Remember those high points I mentioned? In the end I can’t help but think of how much higher those highs would be if Oliva were at the helm instead. This is not Savatage.

A defining change of direction

Savatage - Gutter Ballet
Five of five stars

This album is a conundrum for me. Being an early Savatage purist, I find Gutter Ballet is at once a complete change of direction into a decidedly more progressive (and in my opinion, overly melodramatic) sound, yet still one of my favorites in the band’s 25-year catalog.

Savatage’s first five albums, minus the more pop-driven Fight for the Rock, to me define that classic Savatage sound that the band has almost completely abandoned in the 21^st century. This album is the first stepping stone on the way down that path.

I remember purchasing Gutter Ballet on cassette in 1989, popping it into my Walkman (R.I.P.) and walking around my local shopping mall with the familiar sound of Savatage echoing in my head as the opening track, “Of Rage and War,” played. Sounded like a solid, classic Savatage tune, not too far at all removed from 1987’s Hall of the Mountain King.

It was the title track that woke me up to the fact that this band had matured immensely. So dynamic, so powerful and melodic; heavy on the piano. Too bad it would eventually morph into the melodramatic and self-important monstrosity known as Trans-Siberian Orchestra. As it stands on this album, though, the virgin outing of this new sound is incredible and highly recommended. For TSO fans and Savatage fans alike.

New banner is up!

I finally decided to throw together a header yesterday. I knocked this out after I finished another Photoshop job for a friend during the kids' gymnastics classes. Probably not done yet. I think it needs some more layering effects, but not sure what yet. Let's call it a work in progress.

New post at Examiner.com

http://www.examiner.com/family-entertainment-in-peoria/santa-claus-is-coming-to-spread-christmas-cheer-peoria-this-weekend
Okay, so I was a bit off as far as the weather prediction. I'm not a meteorologist.

More on Netflix + a film review

It's been a few weeks now since Netflix rolled out disc-free access on PS3 and I gotta say--I'm loving it. I prefer to browse now on my console rather than on the PC. Browsing for movies and managing my queue has never been easier.

I thought I was going to like it from day one, but it's way more than that. The best feature? If I had to pick a favorite it would be the new release function. I just added Disney's Alice in Wonderland to my instant queue today. The kids have been wanting to watch that one again, but I'm not going to be purchasing it because I wasn't too fond of it.

Anyway, I just had to offer a follow-up to my original post so you could see the impression I am left with a few weeks after the conversion. Still in love with Netflix. So in love that I'm adding to my queue faster than I can watch. 

Last week on instant view I checked out Call of Cthulhu, a 2006 short film (45 minutes) produced as though it were a '20s era silent film. This was easily the best Cthulhu mythos film I've ever seen. The silent film style perfectly meshed with Lovecraft's vision of creeping horror. I think the key is that the effects were not over-the-top and since there was no spoken dialogue, the mind of the viewer can fill in the gaps better than any movie could. It's the perfect synthesis of film and reading. What an original concept.

Okay, that's it for this week. Thanks for reading. If you have Netflix and are a Lovecraft fan, do yourself a favor and check out Call of Cthulhu. Catch you again soon.

Link to my Examiner.com page

As I mentioned before, I have become a writer for Examiner.com. I've totally flaked on this site because of everything else going on. I wanted to at least give out a link to my page, which will be updated weekly at least. My goal is two to three articles per week, but as it's all going to have to be on one topic, that might be a lofty number to keep up while maintaining originality.

If you're interested in checking it out, you can find my Examiner page at http://www.examiner.com/family-entertainment-in-peoria/shane-mcgraw. Wish me luck!

New online ad for my company's upcoming profitability workshop tour

Busy busy busy

New earlier work hours, application for promotion, kids, ballet, gym, dinners, pets, photography, blogging, writing for Examiner.com, Netflix, PS3 (now connected to wireless signal in the living room), full DVR, dishes, laundry, leaves to rake, spending more time with more friends . . . Holy crap! When did lazy ol' me get to be so damn busy? Somebody get me a beer! And a holiday.

I promise I'll post more soon. Oh, wait. I have one. I'll post it next.

Hooray!

Congrats to me! I just received notification that I will be joining the writing staff of Examiner.com as the local family & entertainment writer for Peoria! I'm stoked. As soon as I get my Examiner page up and running I will post more information here. Woohoo!

Disc-free Netflix!

http://blog.netflix.com/2010/10/wii-and-ps3-to-be-disc-free.html?trkid=1629653

I knew it was coming, and today's the day! After a free app download tonight, I can say goodbye to that silly Netflix Instant Streaming Disc for my PS3. Playing a game? Decide to stop & watch a movie instead? No more disc swapping! Taking the PS3 on a trip out of town for some entertainment? No need to worry about taking that stupid disk and possibly losing it!

Looks like Netflix has made some more updates to the Wii and PS3 experience as well, such as adding the browsing experience to the console interface. That's helpful. If I decide to watch something on the PS3 but I'm not sure what, I can now check recent releases right from my PS3.

Loving that 5.1 surround addition as well. Now if the dumb PS3 could only pick up a wireless signal worth a crap I'd be able to watch movies on the PS3 in my living room where the 5.1 system is installed.

Thank you, Greg Peters, VP of Product Development at Netflix. You made me happy today.
:)

They don't make 'em like they used to.

I still have these book & record sets.

I went to a used music sale this weekend for the local university's radio station. Guess it was time they cleaned house. I can't even begin to tell you how many thousands of LPs, cassettes, CDs, 78s, 45s, and books of sheet music I saw there. And get this: "Fill a bag with LPs for only $5! As much as you can carry!" Oh, bliss and heaven.

So among the huge stack of LPs I purchased were a few comedy albums. Several Firesign Theater platters (whom I've never really "gotten," but I wanted to try again anyway), a George Carlin record (which includes the original "seven dirty words" bit), an old Cosby one and an older Bob Newhart one.

As a kid I loved playing records on my record player. I listened to music all the time, just like now. I didn't have enough records to satisfy my thirst, so I naturally scoped out whatever was in the house. That led me to my sister's K-Tel gems and my parents' extensive collection of country & western and sock hop tunes. And a few comedy albums. There was the payoff.

My folks had a good half dozen each of the Smothers Brothers and Bill Cosby albums. It was an easy warm-up; I had already grown up with Fat Albert, picture pages, pudding pops and Himself. There was no introduction needed to the Cos. I was already a fan. I remember being fascinated listening to those familiar Cosby speech patterns, hearing stories of ol' Weird Harold and chicken hearts and go karts. Funny stuff.

And these Smothers Brothers . . . I had to investigate them, man. Since this was decades before wikipedia, I had to do the old-fashioned thing when it comes to finding information--the oldest-fashioned thing, as a matter of fact: I had to ask someone who knew. That meant Mom. She was happy to fill me in on Tom and Dickie, sibling rivalry, "Mom always liked you best!" and folk music with a twist. I took a listen, and I was hooked. Since then I've loved the Smothers Brothers.

They don't make comedy albums today like those treasures of the '60s. They don't make comedians anymore like the ones in those albums. These albums were before my time, but give me a 40-year-old Bob Newhart LP over a brand-spankin'-new Adam Sandler CD any day of the week. That old stuff all seems more cerebral to me. Maybe it's the lack of extensive profanity; maybe it's the way the comedy speaks for itself rather than relying on gimmicks; maybe it's the fact that jokes which are stale now sound so much fresher and even funnier in the setting of their day.

That's why I love hitting garage sales, thrift stores and sales like the one this weekend. I never know where I'm going to be able to procure my next golden oldie, whether it be a Peanuts paperback from Fawcett or a Flip Wilson LP.

See you later, Emo's

Okay, so it's not media-related news, but it still matters to me.

It's that time of the year again when the neighborhood ice cream shops start closing down for the season. Tonight I bid adieu to Emo's on War Memorial Drive. Tomorrow is the last day of business this season. However, this closure is punctuated by an enormous, bold question mark. You see, the business is for sale, as well. What's going to happen to Emo's in the Spring '11 season? Tune in to find out. Hopefully Peoria will not be deprived in 2011 of Emo's legendary Coney Dogs and 24+ flavors of soft serve.

Next to close up shop: Dudley's. After those two have gone, I'll be forced to hit the local Baskin Robbins throughout the winter, because Cold Stone is garbage. :p

Incredible Shrinking iPad?

Just read an article on Bloomberg about how Apple may be preparing to unleash a newer, smaller iPad with a seven-inch screen versus the current 9.7-inch model. Anyone else see where this is going? Smaller and smaller? If they start this trend with the iPad as they did with iPod, then before you know it the iPod shuffle will be roughly the size of a toothpick and the iPad will end up about the same size as the 5th gen iPod video.

I don't get it. Can smaller even be better when dealing with something like the iPad? Isn't part of its appeal the fact that you can actually see movies and text on it? Why make them harder to see by shrinking the damn screen? Oh, Apple, how you confound me sometimes. But I could gripe about them more later. And I will. Yes, iWill.

Videos video videos

Sorry. No groin shots or pranks. Nothing in danger of going viral or being featured on Tosh.0. Just some stuff that's more portfolio-oriented.

In March of 2010, I was fortunate enough to take a rare business trip to Anaheim, California for the Commodity Classic agricultural trade show. My purpose there was to shoot some video on the floor, at my company's booth, on the convention center campus, and at a panel discussion. The main focus was the panel discussion.

This panel comprised four successful and respected men in the ag and finance fields, including the CEO of the company I work for. We were fortunate enough to get the one and only Max Armstrong to host the panel. The project was to be a series of short online video clips sponsored by Water Street Solutions and the ag media publishing behemoth known as the Farm Progress Companies.

My task was to set up, shoot, edit, produce and post all the clips to a new YouTube account which I had created. So here they are. Surely not very entertaining, but quite informative and valuable to the farmers who attended. Water Street & Farm Progress were happy, so that's good enough for me. I was hoping to do something a but more upbeat, as I'd shot all this B-roll footage, but this is what the clients wanted. Farm Progress posted the videos on several of their web sites, and Water Street included links on its blog page as well.

Aw, hell no.

The movie you've all been waiting for is finally coming! That's right, it's Paranormal Activity 2. (wah wah waaaaaah) Sorry to let you down.


Seriously, though. I can't believe I got a message in my inbox today asking me to DEMAND it. I fell for that marketing ploy once, and I fell hard. I demanded the first Paranormal Activity, and I recruited some of my social networking buds to do the same. Of course, none of the towns I demanded actually made the cut, but my demands helped fuel the nationwide release.


That was some clever marketing on their part. I hadn't seen a social networking/viral kind of campaign like that before. And showing key clips interspersed with audience reactions--genius. I was so pumped to see that damned movie when it came to Peoria, I could hardly contain myself. Then the night came.


I went into the theater and after the commercials, movie trailers, a quick nap and two bathroom breaks the film started. I remember clapping my hands together, rubbing them like a handlebar-mustachioed villain and thinking, here we go! Haha!


And I waited. And waited. Day after day. Night after night. "My keys are on the floor! I didn't leave them there." Are you shitting me? This better get scary pretty soon. Another couple of days go by. Isn't there anyone else in this movie?


Then the actual scares came, but they were so few and far between and already spoiled by the ad campaign, that even as much as I wanted this film to work--after all, I had a vested interest; I had DEMANDED IT--it just didn't do anything other than waste my time and piss me off.


Note to filmmakers: If you only have three or four "scares" in a movie, don't blow your wad on the trailers. It's like seeing a trailer for the Exorcist in which Regan stabs herself in the privates with a crucifix, throws up pea soup on the priest, spins her head all the way round, flashes into a demon, levitates, screams "Nowonmei" and howls in thirty simultaneous voices, tosses around furniture with her mind and impersonates a dead old Jewish lady burning in hell. After people see all that in the trailer, the first 90 minutes of the movie are gonna suck.


Like Jurassic Park 2--the only movie I ever walked out of. "Where the hell are the dinosaurs trashing the city streets? This was supposed to be a movie of dinosaurs running rampant on the public! Screw this."


So, sorry Paranormal Activity 2, but you can count me out. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, it's worth two in the bush. Or something like that.

Vacation photos, Photoshop style

Usually if I post photos you can also find them on my Flickr page, which is a better option for higher quality view or slideshow format.

Anyway, here's a quick look at my family photo album. Usually at some point during a special trip, I'll want to do one good photo of the four of us. Problem is, most people in the world are useless when it comes to digital cameras, so you always end up with a blurry, horrible photo if you hand your camera to a stranger and ask them to take your picture.

"It's the big silver button on top. You have to hold it down halfway, then all the way down when you want to take it. And please use the Rule of Thirds for framing, because I don't want to have to crop this--Aw, forget it. Thanks anyway." Grumble, rumble, gripe.

How to solve the problem? Compositing in Photoshop! So here are a couple of examples, one from Metropolis, Illinois and the other from Six Flags Over Georgia.

The Great Switch-Off?

A recent Reuters article expressed the concern of Comcast and Time Warner that more people are and increasingly will be cutting their cable service in favor of streaming services from Apple, Netflix and others. I don't know about you guys, but I have Netflix and I love it. However, I am not yet even close to going without traditional (does digital now qualify as "traditional"?) cable.

I love having access to the Netflix library and being able to stream all the episodes of Red Dwarf, Doctor Who, South Park or what-have-you, but what about those new episodes of current programs? Not every network is as quick on the draw as CBS, with its next-day posting of a free stream in case I forgot to DVR that episode of Survivor. (Which I did--Wednesdays now? Really?) And let's not forget all that great original Showtime or HBO programming. How else can you access that, if not with cable or satellite?

Besides, my DVR remote works hella better for ffwd & rewind than the stupid Netflix interface-doohickey. And I've never had my Dish tell me my "connection has slowed" and fake like it's trying to let me actually watch the show while I know it's completely bailed on me & I'll have to restart the bleedin' thing.

And isn't TV on iTunes a premium service? Why would anyone pay extra to watch a TV show they've already paid the cable or satellite company for the right to watch? I don't get it. If you want to own it, just wait for the damn DVD. It's a more permanent medium for storage anyway. But that's just what I'd do.

No, despite my love/hate (mostly love) relationship with Netflix, or as it's become affectionately known in our house--"Assglue," I am not yet ready to sever my ties with Dish Network. At least not until the current season of Weeds is over.

A place for my photos

Okay, so if I'm going to make a name for myself in the graphic arts business, I suppose I should show off some of my photography examples. Bear in mind, I've never had an SLR camera at my disposal; always point-and-shoot. Here's a link to my Flickr page, which contains some of the digital photos of which I am most proud.

"Stairway to Hell" -- my final visit

Apparently, demons like to inhabit the bodies of roleplayers because they like to
drink Mountain Dew, eat Doritos and Totino's Party Pizzas, roll funny-shaped
dice and talk in cockney accents. Oh, and they HATE getting laid.

Okay, here we go. This is long overdue. Back into the trenches of paranoia and nonsense. Might wanna roll up your pant legs; it's gonna get pretty deep.

D&D: JUST A GAME? It's supposed to be just a board game, but kids play it for life and death on the street.

Mr. Rick Jones... No, you know what? His real name is probably Richard; I'm just gonna start referring to him as "Dick" from now on. As a matter of fact, he holds so little authority and importance in my life, that I'm not even going to bother capitalizing his name anymore. This author is now just another dick to me.

So this particular dick fills a couple of pages with stories from newspapers (wherein other Satanic Panic spreaders are quoted) about teens who play D&D killing others or themselves. Not DURING A GAME, mind you. Just that they happened to be players. Of course, the one MUST be causing the other. But to this dick it's not a mere story of kids losing touch with reality and playing the game in real life (which, of course, is also bullshit anyway), but here's his explanation:

Through D&D, demons entered his body and drove him to commit the murders. It was Satan's evil demons that were interested in killing those innocent children, not the boy. He was just a human vessel the demons used.

That's the purpose of the 'game.' When a player begins worshiping a new deity (Satan) and asking help of characters in the game (demons), they are doing exactly what Satan worshipers do.

I have to stop here to at least point out an easy-to-spot logical fallacy in all of these so-called "D&D-related murders and suicides." Anyone ever heard of the logical fallacy called questionable cause? It refers to when you have two unrelated happenings and you make the irrational conclusion that one caused the other. Like this: There are six cases of teen homicide or suicide in this folder. Each one of the killers was a known Dungeons and Dragons player. Obviously D&D caused them to behave this way. Case closed.

You know what? I bet they all brushed their teeth at least twice a day, too. Maybe that made them flip out and kill. Oh, you know what? They are all teens, after all; you know how that sex drive can be. I bet masturbation made them go nuts and start killing. Yeah, that could be it, too. Huh? What do you mean those things can't be the cause? Oh, how do I explain all the teenage masturbators with clean oral hygiene who DON'T kill? Well, the same way dick explains all those D&D players who haven't killed. They just haven't gotten around to it yet? It's bullshit, also known as the logical fallacy of questionable cause.

You say you don't think D&D has anything to do with Satan or religion? Then turn to page 25 of the 'Deities & Demigods Instruction Manual' and see what it says. > Surprise D&D player! Guess which deity you are serving? Satan!

Hello? It's called a "ROLE PLAYING" game, dick. It's your CHARACTER'S deity of worship. Use your imagination for something FUN for a change! And besides, I don't recall seeing "Satan" in the manual as a deity to choose from.

I remember talking with a boy who had played D&D for several years. It started as a game, but didn't stay that way for long. To progress in the game, he asked D&D 'creatures' to help him win battles. He had no idea, but those creatures were literal demons. When he asked them to help him, he was inviting demons into his body.

Really? Okay, what game is this kid playing? This is an argument dick uses a few times, about the premise of the game being "asking creatures for help to complete tasks or progress in the game." It's been many years, but I recall that my CHARACTER did most of the task completion either on his own or with the help of other characters. How goddamn BORING would every campaign be if the key to "progressing" was always asking an NPC for help??? These kids they were talking to needed some friends to play with, man.

To find out if D&D used authentic occult materials, the CBN television network assigned an investigator to study the question.

Nothing like an impartial jury, huh?

They concluded that D&D does contain authentic occult materials. Rituals, magic spells, charms, names of demons, etc. were all authentic.

Damn, wish I still had that book. I'd love to cast a few magic missiles at work. Perhaps I could enlist Pazuzu to do some copy editing for me next week. Dick should have done; his copy is ATROCIOUS. Also, tell me one D&D book that came with ANY magic charms, authentic or otherwise. And answer one more question: Why should Gary Gygax INVENT names for demons when there is a centuries-old public domain literary treasure trove of them to rip off?

Many teenagers have committed suicide when their D&D character died. Others have murdered friends, parents and others because they played the 'game.' Rapes, tortures and untold other sick and gruesome crimes have also been linked to D&D.

If they are untold crimes, how can they a) be defined as sick or gruesome, or b) be linked to D&D? And the suicides thing. The CDC, the American Association of Suicidology, and Canadian Center for Health & Welfare have all concluded that there is no causal link between fantasy gaming and suicide. See, they didn't fall into that questionable cause trap.

Okay, I think I've had enough of this drivel. It was fun while it lasted, but now it's just... not.

Logic is fine but hysteria's quicker: "Stairway to Hell" part three

Ooooo! This is some scary stuff! Better go burn my Ozzy CDs.

Evening, folks. I'm going to start tonight with the chapter on drugs. Mr. Jones begins this chapter with an alleged letter from an adult who claimed when he was 18 and tripping balls on LSD, he realized that, "the devil was inside of me and quite systematically taking over control of my will... A voice inside of me kept saying, 'This time I will have you fully!' I was completely terrified... I knew this was Satan."

Jones draws the conclusion: "Many drug abusers hear voices, but most don't know they are the voices of demons."

This poor kid was just having a BAD TRIP! Happens to every LSD user at some point or another. No demons but those of his own invention. But not if you ask Rick Jones, certified expert of... well, nothing really. Contributing to the Satanic Panic of the day, he claims,

"Experts are continually finding drug abuse linked to this growing demonic possession problem."

Ah, that's right. I remember seeing all those high profile DEMONIC POSSESSION cases in the paper that year. It was almost as big an epidemic as all those parents selling their children as homosexual sex slaves for "pot" money. Oh, wait. That was just in his head, too. I keep forgetting that the author continually creates his own facts and, I suspect, his own "experts," much like Mr. Van Impe's "scientists."

"Have you ever wondered why so many teens kill themselves while high on drugs? Now you know. Demons get them high, take control of their bodies, then drive them to kill themselves."

And here I thought it was because being a teenager is a difficult time in life, and some just don't know how to deal with it. Teens are constantly being judged, ordered around, pressured, and scrutinized. This all while they are trying to learn how to function independently in the world. Some turn to drugs, whether for recreation or as an escape from a world they feel is against them. Some of those searching for escape instead find that the world does not improve through drug use. it just gets worse, only now their mind is all screwed up & they can't think straight. Blammo.

And dipshit Jones blames it on song titles without even reading the lyrics or listening to the songs in question. Example:

"Ozzy Osbourne's song, 'Suicide Solution,' was not written by accident. Every word came directly from Ozzy's evil master. (Sharon?) A teenager blew his brains out after continuously listening to Ozzy's dangerously demonic death march. The song was still playing when police found the body."

Then maybe someone should have listened to or read the lyrics before blaming the Ozzman. This song is a cautionary tale of the dangers of The Drink (or as Ozzy will call it in a song many years later, "the Demon Alcohol"). The "solution" is not an answer to a problem, it's a homogenized liquid substance: liquor.

Do a little research before you write such an inflammatory book, for crying out loud. Stupid people are hanging on every word you say as legitimate advice for understanding the dangers faced by their teenage children.

Okay, I'm getting sleepy. I promise I'll get to the D&D chapter very soon. I kinda skipped past it in making a point tonight, but I'll backtrack to it tomorrow. It's too good to leave out. Here's a teaser:
"Literally millions of young people are unknowingly participating in genuine occult practices and opening the doors for demons to enter their bodies through this seemingly innocent game." HA!

See my review concluded here.

Once more into the fray - "Stairway to Hell" part two

"Satan's gonna get you, gonna drag you to hell. Hells Bells" - AC/DC

Among the "epidemic parent-related problems teens are facing today," the wise Mr. Jones lists:

- Children introduced to homosexuality and lesbianism by their parents

- Being forced into prostitution by their parents for the money

- UNTOLD THOUSANDS of youngsters are sold to Satan worship by depraved parents

---------------------------------------------

Yes, folks, this book is chock-a-block full of paranoid, conspiratorial ideas.

Remember how that last one in the list turned out to be almost completely unfounded? How many documented and corroborated instances were there of such activity? As far as those other two, what did this guy do- watch a single episode of 48 Hours or something and declare the investigative cover story AN EPIDEMIC?

Moving on...

-----------------------------------------------------------

If you love rock music, the devil's bloody claws are already firmly wrapped around your neck. Look at these lyrics. The rock stars who sing them are sold-out servants of Satan, preaching to their master.

-----------------------------------------------------------

We are then treated to several excerpts of early 1980s heavy metal songs, many taken completely out of context, to prove the point. Mostly from that horribly Satanic band AC/DC, which we all know stands for "Anti Christ/Devil's Child." HA!

I'll give him one, though. He did throw in a Mercyful Fate song. No secret there about the band's background. Not a record you'll be hearing played at the local daycare, you know. But then he goes on to this little gem: (LOL)

-----------------------------------------------------------

A former rock music worshipper once told me about an Ozzy Osbourne concert he went to. THOUGH HIS MIND WAS SIZZLED ON DRUGS (emphasis added), his heart nearly stopped when he turned around and saw a man wearing a black hooded robe, standing behind the crowd with his arms outstretched. This shocked teen suddenly realized he was in the middle of a Satanic service!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Okay, where is this kid's credibility? We've already established he was completely SIZZLED, so how can we believe what he "saw?" Hell, the dude in the robe was probably twice as fried as our witness. He thought he was LEADING a Satanic service!

My next beef with this chapter is that he actually wastes time discussing backmasking (this one is deliberate) on the Venom album "Welcome to Hell." HELLO? There's plenty of fuel for your argument on that album WITHOUT having to ruin your needle. Try playing the damn thing FORWARD. In his argument he calls Venom a "famous rock band." What a numbskull. I know exactly 4 people who have ever even HEARD of Venom. I am the only one I know who owns any of their albums (first 5 studios and double-live on vinyl, as well as a 12'' single, 33 rpm single and a picture disc, then the most recent 3 on CD - love me some Venom!)

He wraps up the chapter with several stories ("true accounts") of teenagers hacking their families up or committing suicide because they listened to violent, Satanic AC/DC or Iron Maiden songs. Classic Satanic Panic at work. I love this shit. It's like watching Reefer Madness.

Coming up: The chapter on Dungeons & Dragons. Oooooooh. Can't wait. This guy reminds me of that dumb-ass "expert" dude that testified at the WM3 trial. The one who got a mail-order degree. I wonder if the author has any Chick tracts listed in his bibliography?

See my review continued here.

LMAO: "Stairway to Hell" by Rick Jones

Got this book recently for the fun of it. It is just nuts to think that people bought this shit hook, line and sinker in 1988. I'm literally laughing out loud only three pages into the introduction.
----------------------------------
"The real message is heard when that part of the song is played backwards. Here are the devilish lyrics Led Zeppelin has been sneaking into your brain all these years:

'I sing because I live with Satan.
The Lord turns me off.
There's no escaping it.
No other made a path.
Here's to my sweet Satan.
Whose power is Satan.
He will give you 666.
I live for Satan'

Millions are deceived by this song. They don't know that every time they play it, two things are happening:
1. They are listening to servants of Satan pledge their allegiance to their master.
2. Listeners are being programmed to accept Satan as the master and destroyer of their own lives."
--------------------------------------
HAHAHA! The sad thing is, bullshit like this was EVERYWHERE in the mid- to late-'80s. And parents were SCARED. Remember bands on trial? Repressed memories of ritual abuse? Remember the PMRC? This whole stupid-ass "subliminal messages" idea? Incredible. What I want to know is, if we, the kids at that time, knew these nimrods were just spouting cockamamie theories, how the hell were the adults so easily duped?

Of course, we now know that perceived "messages" on records when played in reverse are probably in most cases nothing more than an auditory form of pareidolia, or the same property of the brain that lets us see clear pictures of things in cloud formations. Our minds crave order, like to see patterns in chaos. Even if the patterns aren't really there- we'll unconsciously make leaps and create connections where there are none.

And for those messages which were INTENTIONALLY placed... Who gives a crap? I've yet to see some proof that backs up the fact that behavior alteration is even possible through "subliminal" messages, particularly REVERSED ONES. All I know for sure is that the English language sounds effing creepy when you play it backwards. But is it sinister? No more so than the same thing said forward.

I can't wait to dig into this book some more. I need a good laugh.

By the way, if you're interested, they still sell this book at Chick.com for $10.95, in English or Español.

See my review continued here.

Jack Van Impe is a ruh-TARD

Heavens to Betsy! All three of them!

I was watching the Apprentice on DVR tonight, and when it ended, this ancient, Bible-thumping nitwit came on the television. Here's a direct quote:

"The astronomers now tell us that there are three heavens, and that agrees with the Bible. The first runs 600 miles into space, the second runs 187 trillion billions of miles into space. Unfad'nable! And then there's a third heaven where God rules."

--HUH? First, the atmosphere kinda trails off into space around 300 miles or so above the earth, so I'm not sure where the 600 comes into play. Second, I suppose he's just pulling numbers out of his bum for that second part. Third, just what the hell is, "unfad'nable?" I know the word, "unfathomable," but that isn't what he said. And, fourth, WHAT?? Exactly which, "the astronomers," are they who are now saying "there's a third heaven where God rules???" I must have missed that bit in my college astronomy class.

But there's more:

"Let's talk about that second heaven. Do you know that they now tell us that there are galaxies like our own, into the hundreds of thousands? And they've increased it to a million, and recently to a billion. A billion different galaxies! Each with 200 to 400 million stars. It's unlimited! And our God created it all. And for these people who can think it just happened through (claps) a big bang? ...You ...don't have much of an education."

--HUH? Which is it? Do they "now tell us" a few hundred thousand, a million, or a billion? If it's a billion, then why even mention hundreds of thousands? Say, "they now tell us there are a billion." It's more efficient; you can make your point sooner (or at least attempt to) and then get back to your silent prayer or whatever. As long as it's silent, it will be an improvement.

Also, WHICH IS IT? Is that second layer of space unlimited, as you just said, or is it "187 trillion billions of miles?" It can't be both! Or perhaps because it's so unfad'nable, it just SEEMS unlimited to your level of comprehension.

Additionally, I don't think anyone could argue against the thought that *technically* the Big Bang and a divine creator are not mutually exclusive. Even Stephen Hawking has said (or typed, as it were. INDICATED, anyway) that his belief in the Big Bang does not mean he doesn't believe in God. He could have been the one to cause the Big Bang, after all. (God, not Hawking.)

Finally, you should have seen the look in this guy's eyes when he said, "you... don't have much of an education." It even looked like he was going to swear during that stutter-pause: "You... gotta be effin' kidding me." Ooooh, was he heated up. Hee hee.

I've never seen this douche before, but I know he's been around quite a long time. I'm sure he could provide ammunition against himself like this all day long. He makes Pat Robertson look like Dan Rather. To quote a wise prophet named Bugs Bunny: "What a maroon!"