A very somber and beautiful album

Neil Diamond - Dreams

Four of five stars

Neil Diamond's music has always been one of my guilty pleasures. I don't own a huge catalog of his albums but prior to this release I did have two volumes of greatest hits on CD and vinyl. Neil Diamond is one of the great singer-songwriters we have left in the 21st Century, a true legend in his own time.

Dreams is a special compilation of some of the greatest songs of the rock era, hand-chosen by Neil Diamond as the music that's personally touched him, recorded in a very honest and stripped-down fashion. Dreams is a great disc, especially if you happen to be in a reflective mood. However, if you feel like tapping your toes to "Brother Love's Traveling Salvation Show," this ain't your record.

Highlights for me are "Alone Again (Naturally)," originally recorded by Gilbert O'Sullivan, "Randy Newman's "Feels Like Home," the Everly Brothers' "Let It Be Me," and "Don't Forget Me," originally by Nilsson.

A long walk

The kids & I took Daisy for a long walk last night. After about 15 minutes the conversation with my five-year-old daughter turned philosophical: "Dad, why are there people? How'd they get here?"
 
I took a deep breath and said, "There are a lot of ideas about that, but nobody here now was around then, to know for sure. Basically there are two main ideas: either God created people in one day, or people became what they are today by very slowly changing over millions of years from apes to apelike people to caveman-type people and eventually to us."
 
My eight-year-old son interrupted: "The first one is right. God created everybody. At least all Americans, but not people from other countries." D'oh! It was then I saw this was going to be a longer conversation than I'd originally anticipated. Good thing it was a LONG walk.
 
"Okay, why would you say that? Why didn't he create people from other countries?"
 
"Because they don't believe in God."
 
"Ash, if you believe God created people, then you have to believe that he created ALL people, not just the ones who believe in him. Whether THEY believe or not is immaterial."
 
Ash says, "I guess, but some people don't believe in our God. They believe in other stuff."
 
I agreed and reminded him of the poster at school that shows at least a dozen different versions of the Golden Rule from faiths around the world.
 
Calliope, quiet most of this time, chimed back in: "Dad, how many gods ARE there?"
 
"Well, most people will tell you there is only one. The problem is agreeing on WHICH one. Lots of faiths claim to worship what they call the true God, but as it turns out, they are not all the same God and each faith denies the existence of the other 'true' gods."
 
That's when Ash steered the conversation naturally toward the Greek pantheon. That was more solid ground for me. And soon the conversation was over. Whew. I should have just answered Calliope's original question with a simple "42" and quickly changed the subject to cartoons or something.

I welcome another writing opportunity

A couple of years ago I wrote a few reviews on iTunes then promptly forgot about them. Lately, with the launch of Ping, I started thinking about those reviews again. I reread them the other day and really liked the content. That's when I decided to add another branch to my regular writing. If you're interested in what I'm listening to or what my musical opinions are, please check me out on iTunes. Just go to iTunes Ping and search people for me. More reviews to come.

Who's the new guy?

Savatage - Edge of Thorns

Two of five stars

Savatage minus the vocal style of Jon Oliva has always been a disappointment to me. Edge of Thorns begins that trend and as such it holds a special place in my own private hell. That having been said, I’ll admit the disc is not without its high points. The title track is a solid tune and Stevens does a mighty fine job fitting in with the band’s signature progressive, melodic style.

 The next two or three tracks leave a lot more to be desired. Here is where the presence of a new vocalist brings to mind the difference between Sabbath with Ozzy and Sabbath with Tony Martin. In other words, you’re listening to a decent band, but it no longer resembles the band you’ve come to love.

The instrumental tracks give a little glimpse of hope, the penultimate three tracks deliver the goods, and the final song, “Sleep,” is a very good acoustic ballad that is not at all reminiscent of Savatage. Remember those high points I mentioned? In the end I can’t help but think of how much higher those highs would be if Oliva were at the helm instead. This is not Savatage.

A defining change of direction

Savatage - Gutter Ballet
Five of five stars

This album is a conundrum for me. Being an early Savatage purist, I find Gutter Ballet is at once a complete change of direction into a decidedly more progressive (and in my opinion, overly melodramatic) sound, yet still one of my favorites in the band’s 25-year catalog.

Savatage’s first five albums, minus the more pop-driven Fight for the Rock, to me define that classic Savatage sound that the band has almost completely abandoned in the 21^st century. This album is the first stepping stone on the way down that path.

I remember purchasing Gutter Ballet on cassette in 1989, popping it into my Walkman (R.I.P.) and walking around my local shopping mall with the familiar sound of Savatage echoing in my head as the opening track, “Of Rage and War,” played. Sounded like a solid, classic Savatage tune, not too far at all removed from 1987’s Hall of the Mountain King.

It was the title track that woke me up to the fact that this band had matured immensely. So dynamic, so powerful and melodic; heavy on the piano. Too bad it would eventually morph into the melodramatic and self-important monstrosity known as Trans-Siberian Orchestra. As it stands on this album, though, the virgin outing of this new sound is incredible and highly recommended. For TSO fans and Savatage fans alike.

New banner is up!

I finally decided to throw together a header yesterday. I knocked this out after I finished another Photoshop job for a friend during the kids' gymnastics classes. Probably not done yet. I think it needs some more layering effects, but not sure what yet. Let's call it a work in progress.

New post at Examiner.com

http://www.examiner.com/family-entertainment-in-peoria/santa-claus-is-coming-to-spread-christmas-cheer-peoria-this-weekend
Okay, so I was a bit off as far as the weather prediction. I'm not a meteorologist.

More on Netflix + a film review

It's been a few weeks now since Netflix rolled out disc-free access on PS3 and I gotta say--I'm loving it. I prefer to browse now on my console rather than on the PC. Browsing for movies and managing my queue has never been easier.

I thought I was going to like it from day one, but it's way more than that. The best feature? If I had to pick a favorite it would be the new release function. I just added Disney's Alice in Wonderland to my instant queue today. The kids have been wanting to watch that one again, but I'm not going to be purchasing it because I wasn't too fond of it.

Anyway, I just had to offer a follow-up to my original post so you could see the impression I am left with a few weeks after the conversion. Still in love with Netflix. So in love that I'm adding to my queue faster than I can watch. 

Last week on instant view I checked out Call of Cthulhu, a 2006 short film (45 minutes) produced as though it were a '20s era silent film. This was easily the best Cthulhu mythos film I've ever seen. The silent film style perfectly meshed with Lovecraft's vision of creeping horror. I think the key is that the effects were not over-the-top and since there was no spoken dialogue, the mind of the viewer can fill in the gaps better than any movie could. It's the perfect synthesis of film and reading. What an original concept.

Okay, that's it for this week. Thanks for reading. If you have Netflix and are a Lovecraft fan, do yourself a favor and check out Call of Cthulhu. Catch you again soon.

Link to my Examiner.com page

As I mentioned before, I have become a writer for Examiner.com. I've totally flaked on this site because of everything else going on. I wanted to at least give out a link to my page, which will be updated weekly at least. My goal is two to three articles per week, but as it's all going to have to be on one topic, that might be a lofty number to keep up while maintaining originality.

If you're interested in checking it out, you can find my Examiner page at http://www.examiner.com/family-entertainment-in-peoria/shane-mcgraw. Wish me luck!

New online ad for my company's upcoming profitability workshop tour

Busy busy busy

New earlier work hours, application for promotion, kids, ballet, gym, dinners, pets, photography, blogging, writing for Examiner.com, Netflix, PS3 (now connected to wireless signal in the living room), full DVR, dishes, laundry, leaves to rake, spending more time with more friends . . . Holy crap! When did lazy ol' me get to be so damn busy? Somebody get me a beer! And a holiday.

I promise I'll post more soon. Oh, wait. I have one. I'll post it next.

Hooray!

Congrats to me! I just received notification that I will be joining the writing staff of Examiner.com as the local family & entertainment writer for Peoria! I'm stoked. As soon as I get my Examiner page up and running I will post more information here. Woohoo!

Disc-free Netflix!

http://blog.netflix.com/2010/10/wii-and-ps3-to-be-disc-free.html?trkid=1629653

I knew it was coming, and today's the day! After a free app download tonight, I can say goodbye to that silly Netflix Instant Streaming Disc for my PS3. Playing a game? Decide to stop & watch a movie instead? No more disc swapping! Taking the PS3 on a trip out of town for some entertainment? No need to worry about taking that stupid disk and possibly losing it!

Looks like Netflix has made some more updates to the Wii and PS3 experience as well, such as adding the browsing experience to the console interface. That's helpful. If I decide to watch something on the PS3 but I'm not sure what, I can now check recent releases right from my PS3.

Loving that 5.1 surround addition as well. Now if the dumb PS3 could only pick up a wireless signal worth a crap I'd be able to watch movies on the PS3 in my living room where the 5.1 system is installed.

Thank you, Greg Peters, VP of Product Development at Netflix. You made me happy today.
:)

They don't make 'em like they used to.

I still have these book & record sets.

I went to a used music sale this weekend for the local university's radio station. Guess it was time they cleaned house. I can't even begin to tell you how many thousands of LPs, cassettes, CDs, 78s, 45s, and books of sheet music I saw there. And get this: "Fill a bag with LPs for only $5! As much as you can carry!" Oh, bliss and heaven.

So among the huge stack of LPs I purchased were a few comedy albums. Several Firesign Theater platters (whom I've never really "gotten," but I wanted to try again anyway), a George Carlin record (which includes the original "seven dirty words" bit), an old Cosby one and an older Bob Newhart one.

As a kid I loved playing records on my record player. I listened to music all the time, just like now. I didn't have enough records to satisfy my thirst, so I naturally scoped out whatever was in the house. That led me to my sister's K-Tel gems and my parents' extensive collection of country & western and sock hop tunes. And a few comedy albums. There was the payoff.

My folks had a good half dozen each of the Smothers Brothers and Bill Cosby albums. It was an easy warm-up; I had already grown up with Fat Albert, picture pages, pudding pops and Himself. There was no introduction needed to the Cos. I was already a fan. I remember being fascinated listening to those familiar Cosby speech patterns, hearing stories of ol' Weird Harold and chicken hearts and go karts. Funny stuff.

And these Smothers Brothers . . . I had to investigate them, man. Since this was decades before wikipedia, I had to do the old-fashioned thing when it comes to finding information--the oldest-fashioned thing, as a matter of fact: I had to ask someone who knew. That meant Mom. She was happy to fill me in on Tom and Dickie, sibling rivalry, "Mom always liked you best!" and folk music with a twist. I took a listen, and I was hooked. Since then I've loved the Smothers Brothers.

They don't make comedy albums today like those treasures of the '60s. They don't make comedians anymore like the ones in those albums. These albums were before my time, but give me a 40-year-old Bob Newhart LP over a brand-spankin'-new Adam Sandler CD any day of the week. That old stuff all seems more cerebral to me. Maybe it's the lack of extensive profanity; maybe it's the way the comedy speaks for itself rather than relying on gimmicks; maybe it's the fact that jokes which are stale now sound so much fresher and even funnier in the setting of their day.

That's why I love hitting garage sales, thrift stores and sales like the one this weekend. I never know where I'm going to be able to procure my next golden oldie, whether it be a Peanuts paperback from Fawcett or a Flip Wilson LP.

See you later, Emo's

Okay, so it's not media-related news, but it still matters to me.

It's that time of the year again when the neighborhood ice cream shops start closing down for the season. Tonight I bid adieu to Emo's on War Memorial Drive. Tomorrow is the last day of business this season. However, this closure is punctuated by an enormous, bold question mark. You see, the business is for sale, as well. What's going to happen to Emo's in the Spring '11 season? Tune in to find out. Hopefully Peoria will not be deprived in 2011 of Emo's legendary Coney Dogs and 24+ flavors of soft serve.

Next to close up shop: Dudley's. After those two have gone, I'll be forced to hit the local Baskin Robbins throughout the winter, because Cold Stone is garbage. :p

Incredible Shrinking iPad?

Just read an article on Bloomberg about how Apple may be preparing to unleash a newer, smaller iPad with a seven-inch screen versus the current 9.7-inch model. Anyone else see where this is going? Smaller and smaller? If they start this trend with the iPad as they did with iPod, then before you know it the iPod shuffle will be roughly the size of a toothpick and the iPad will end up about the same size as the 5th gen iPod video.

I don't get it. Can smaller even be better when dealing with something like the iPad? Isn't part of its appeal the fact that you can actually see movies and text on it? Why make them harder to see by shrinking the damn screen? Oh, Apple, how you confound me sometimes. But I could gripe about them more later. And I will. Yes, iWill.

Videos video videos

Sorry. No groin shots or pranks. Nothing in danger of going viral or being featured on Tosh.0. Just some stuff that's more portfolio-oriented.

In March of 2010, I was fortunate enough to take a rare business trip to Anaheim, California for the Commodity Classic agricultural trade show. My purpose there was to shoot some video on the floor, at my company's booth, on the convention center campus, and at a panel discussion. The main focus was the panel discussion.

This panel comprised four successful and respected men in the ag and finance fields, including the CEO of the company I work for. We were fortunate enough to get the one and only Max Armstrong to host the panel. The project was to be a series of short online video clips sponsored by Water Street Solutions and the ag media publishing behemoth known as the Farm Progress Companies.

My task was to set up, shoot, edit, produce and post all the clips to a new YouTube account which I had created. So here they are. Surely not very entertaining, but quite informative and valuable to the farmers who attended. Water Street & Farm Progress were happy, so that's good enough for me. I was hoping to do something a but more upbeat, as I'd shot all this B-roll footage, but this is what the clients wanted. Farm Progress posted the videos on several of their web sites, and Water Street included links on its blog page as well.

Aw, hell no.

The movie you've all been waiting for is finally coming! That's right, it's Paranormal Activity 2. (wah wah waaaaaah) Sorry to let you down.


Seriously, though. I can't believe I got a message in my inbox today asking me to DEMAND it. I fell for that marketing ploy once, and I fell hard. I demanded the first Paranormal Activity, and I recruited some of my social networking buds to do the same. Of course, none of the towns I demanded actually made the cut, but my demands helped fuel the nationwide release.


That was some clever marketing on their part. I hadn't seen a social networking/viral kind of campaign like that before. And showing key clips interspersed with audience reactions--genius. I was so pumped to see that damned movie when it came to Peoria, I could hardly contain myself. Then the night came.


I went into the theater and after the commercials, movie trailers, a quick nap and two bathroom breaks the film started. I remember clapping my hands together, rubbing them like a handlebar-mustachioed villain and thinking, here we go! Haha!


And I waited. And waited. Day after day. Night after night. "My keys are on the floor! I didn't leave them there." Are you shitting me? This better get scary pretty soon. Another couple of days go by. Isn't there anyone else in this movie?


Then the actual scares came, but they were so few and far between and already spoiled by the ad campaign, that even as much as I wanted this film to work--after all, I had a vested interest; I had DEMANDED IT--it just didn't do anything other than waste my time and piss me off.


Note to filmmakers: If you only have three or four "scares" in a movie, don't blow your wad on the trailers. It's like seeing a trailer for the Exorcist in which Regan stabs herself in the privates with a crucifix, throws up pea soup on the priest, spins her head all the way round, flashes into a demon, levitates, screams "Nowonmei" and howls in thirty simultaneous voices, tosses around furniture with her mind and impersonates a dead old Jewish lady burning in hell. After people see all that in the trailer, the first 90 minutes of the movie are gonna suck.


Like Jurassic Park 2--the only movie I ever walked out of. "Where the hell are the dinosaurs trashing the city streets? This was supposed to be a movie of dinosaurs running rampant on the public! Screw this."


So, sorry Paranormal Activity 2, but you can count me out. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, it's worth two in the bush. Or something like that.

Vacation photos, Photoshop style

Usually if I post photos you can also find them on my Flickr page, which is a better option for higher quality view or slideshow format.

Anyway, here's a quick look at my family photo album. Usually at some point during a special trip, I'll want to do one good photo of the four of us. Problem is, most people in the world are useless when it comes to digital cameras, so you always end up with a blurry, horrible photo if you hand your camera to a stranger and ask them to take your picture.

"It's the big silver button on top. You have to hold it down halfway, then all the way down when you want to take it. And please use the Rule of Thirds for framing, because I don't want to have to crop this--Aw, forget it. Thanks anyway." Grumble, rumble, gripe.

How to solve the problem? Compositing in Photoshop! So here are a couple of examples, one from Metropolis, Illinois and the other from Six Flags Over Georgia.

The Great Switch-Off?

A recent Reuters article expressed the concern of Comcast and Time Warner that more people are and increasingly will be cutting their cable service in favor of streaming services from Apple, Netflix and others. I don't know about you guys, but I have Netflix and I love it. However, I am not yet even close to going without traditional (does digital now qualify as "traditional"?) cable.

I love having access to the Netflix library and being able to stream all the episodes of Red Dwarf, Doctor Who, South Park or what-have-you, but what about those new episodes of current programs? Not every network is as quick on the draw as CBS, with its next-day posting of a free stream in case I forgot to DVR that episode of Survivor. (Which I did--Wednesdays now? Really?) And let's not forget all that great original Showtime or HBO programming. How else can you access that, if not with cable or satellite?

Besides, my DVR remote works hella better for ffwd & rewind than the stupid Netflix interface-doohickey. And I've never had my Dish tell me my "connection has slowed" and fake like it's trying to let me actually watch the show while I know it's completely bailed on me & I'll have to restart the bleedin' thing.

And isn't TV on iTunes a premium service? Why would anyone pay extra to watch a TV show they've already paid the cable or satellite company for the right to watch? I don't get it. If you want to own it, just wait for the damn DVD. It's a more permanent medium for storage anyway. But that's just what I'd do.

No, despite my love/hate (mostly love) relationship with Netflix, or as it's become affectionately known in our house--"Assglue," I am not yet ready to sever my ties with Dish Network. At least not until the current season of Weeds is over.

A place for my photos

Okay, so if I'm going to make a name for myself in the graphic arts business, I suppose I should show off some of my photography examples. Bear in mind, I've never had an SLR camera at my disposal; always point-and-shoot. Here's a link to my Flickr page, which contains some of the digital photos of which I am most proud.

"Stairway to Hell" -- my final visit

Apparently, demons like to inhabit the bodies of roleplayers because they like to
drink Mountain Dew, eat Doritos and Totino's Party Pizzas, roll funny-shaped
dice and talk in cockney accents. Oh, and they HATE getting laid.

Okay, here we go. This is long overdue. Back into the trenches of paranoia and nonsense. Might wanna roll up your pant legs; it's gonna get pretty deep.

D&D: JUST A GAME? It's supposed to be just a board game, but kids play it for life and death on the street.

Mr. Rick Jones... No, you know what? His real name is probably Richard; I'm just gonna start referring to him as "Dick" from now on. As a matter of fact, he holds so little authority and importance in my life, that I'm not even going to bother capitalizing his name anymore. This author is now just another dick to me.

So this particular dick fills a couple of pages with stories from newspapers (wherein other Satanic Panic spreaders are quoted) about teens who play D&D killing others or themselves. Not DURING A GAME, mind you. Just that they happened to be players. Of course, the one MUST be causing the other. But to this dick it's not a mere story of kids losing touch with reality and playing the game in real life (which, of course, is also bullshit anyway), but here's his explanation:

Through D&D, demons entered his body and drove him to commit the murders. It was Satan's evil demons that were interested in killing those innocent children, not the boy. He was just a human vessel the demons used.

That's the purpose of the 'game.' When a player begins worshiping a new deity (Satan) and asking help of characters in the game (demons), they are doing exactly what Satan worshipers do.

I have to stop here to at least point out an easy-to-spot logical fallacy in all of these so-called "D&D-related murders and suicides." Anyone ever heard of the logical fallacy called questionable cause? It refers to when you have two unrelated happenings and you make the irrational conclusion that one caused the other. Like this: There are six cases of teen homicide or suicide in this folder. Each one of the killers was a known Dungeons and Dragons player. Obviously D&D caused them to behave this way. Case closed.

You know what? I bet they all brushed their teeth at least twice a day, too. Maybe that made them flip out and kill. Oh, you know what? They are all teens, after all; you know how that sex drive can be. I bet masturbation made them go nuts and start killing. Yeah, that could be it, too. Huh? What do you mean those things can't be the cause? Oh, how do I explain all the teenage masturbators with clean oral hygiene who DON'T kill? Well, the same way dick explains all those D&D players who haven't killed. They just haven't gotten around to it yet? It's bullshit, also known as the logical fallacy of questionable cause.

You say you don't think D&D has anything to do with Satan or religion? Then turn to page 25 of the 'Deities & Demigods Instruction Manual' and see what it says. > Surprise D&D player! Guess which deity you are serving? Satan!

Hello? It's called a "ROLE PLAYING" game, dick. It's your CHARACTER'S deity of worship. Use your imagination for something FUN for a change! And besides, I don't recall seeing "Satan" in the manual as a deity to choose from.

I remember talking with a boy who had played D&D for several years. It started as a game, but didn't stay that way for long. To progress in the game, he asked D&D 'creatures' to help him win battles. He had no idea, but those creatures were literal demons. When he asked them to help him, he was inviting demons into his body.

Really? Okay, what game is this kid playing? This is an argument dick uses a few times, about the premise of the game being "asking creatures for help to complete tasks or progress in the game." It's been many years, but I recall that my CHARACTER did most of the task completion either on his own or with the help of other characters. How goddamn BORING would every campaign be if the key to "progressing" was always asking an NPC for help??? These kids they were talking to needed some friends to play with, man.

To find out if D&D used authentic occult materials, the CBN television network assigned an investigator to study the question.

Nothing like an impartial jury, huh?

They concluded that D&D does contain authentic occult materials. Rituals, magic spells, charms, names of demons, etc. were all authentic.

Damn, wish I still had that book. I'd love to cast a few magic missiles at work. Perhaps I could enlist Pazuzu to do some copy editing for me next week. Dick should have done; his copy is ATROCIOUS. Also, tell me one D&D book that came with ANY magic charms, authentic or otherwise. And answer one more question: Why should Gary Gygax INVENT names for demons when there is a centuries-old public domain literary treasure trove of them to rip off?

Many teenagers have committed suicide when their D&D character died. Others have murdered friends, parents and others because they played the 'game.' Rapes, tortures and untold other sick and gruesome crimes have also been linked to D&D.

If they are untold crimes, how can they a) be defined as sick or gruesome, or b) be linked to D&D? And the suicides thing. The CDC, the American Association of Suicidology, and Canadian Center for Health & Welfare have all concluded that there is no causal link between fantasy gaming and suicide. See, they didn't fall into that questionable cause trap.

Okay, I think I've had enough of this drivel. It was fun while it lasted, but now it's just... not.

Logic is fine but hysteria's quicker: "Stairway to Hell" part three

Ooooo! This is some scary stuff! Better go burn my Ozzy CDs.

Evening, folks. I'm going to start tonight with the chapter on drugs. Mr. Jones begins this chapter with an alleged letter from an adult who claimed when he was 18 and tripping balls on LSD, he realized that, "the devil was inside of me and quite systematically taking over control of my will... A voice inside of me kept saying, 'This time I will have you fully!' I was completely terrified... I knew this was Satan."

Jones draws the conclusion: "Many drug abusers hear voices, but most don't know they are the voices of demons."

This poor kid was just having a BAD TRIP! Happens to every LSD user at some point or another. No demons but those of his own invention. But not if you ask Rick Jones, certified expert of... well, nothing really. Contributing to the Satanic Panic of the day, he claims,

"Experts are continually finding drug abuse linked to this growing demonic possession problem."

Ah, that's right. I remember seeing all those high profile DEMONIC POSSESSION cases in the paper that year. It was almost as big an epidemic as all those parents selling their children as homosexual sex slaves for "pot" money. Oh, wait. That was just in his head, too. I keep forgetting that the author continually creates his own facts and, I suspect, his own "experts," much like Mr. Van Impe's "scientists."

"Have you ever wondered why so many teens kill themselves while high on drugs? Now you know. Demons get them high, take control of their bodies, then drive them to kill themselves."

And here I thought it was because being a teenager is a difficult time in life, and some just don't know how to deal with it. Teens are constantly being judged, ordered around, pressured, and scrutinized. This all while they are trying to learn how to function independently in the world. Some turn to drugs, whether for recreation or as an escape from a world they feel is against them. Some of those searching for escape instead find that the world does not improve through drug use. it just gets worse, only now their mind is all screwed up & they can't think straight. Blammo.

And dipshit Jones blames it on song titles without even reading the lyrics or listening to the songs in question. Example:

"Ozzy Osbourne's song, 'Suicide Solution,' was not written by accident. Every word came directly from Ozzy's evil master. (Sharon?) A teenager blew his brains out after continuously listening to Ozzy's dangerously demonic death march. The song was still playing when police found the body."

Then maybe someone should have listened to or read the lyrics before blaming the Ozzman. This song is a cautionary tale of the dangers of The Drink (or as Ozzy will call it in a song many years later, "the Demon Alcohol"). The "solution" is not an answer to a problem, it's a homogenized liquid substance: liquor.

Do a little research before you write such an inflammatory book, for crying out loud. Stupid people are hanging on every word you say as legitimate advice for understanding the dangers faced by their teenage children.

Okay, I'm getting sleepy. I promise I'll get to the D&D chapter very soon. I kinda skipped past it in making a point tonight, but I'll backtrack to it tomorrow. It's too good to leave out. Here's a teaser:
"Literally millions of young people are unknowingly participating in genuine occult practices and opening the doors for demons to enter their bodies through this seemingly innocent game." HA!

See my review concluded here.

Once more into the fray - "Stairway to Hell" part two

"Satan's gonna get you, gonna drag you to hell. Hells Bells" - AC/DC

Among the "epidemic parent-related problems teens are facing today," the wise Mr. Jones lists:

- Children introduced to homosexuality and lesbianism by their parents

- Being forced into prostitution by their parents for the money

- UNTOLD THOUSANDS of youngsters are sold to Satan worship by depraved parents

---------------------------------------------

Yes, folks, this book is chock-a-block full of paranoid, conspiratorial ideas.

Remember how that last one in the list turned out to be almost completely unfounded? How many documented and corroborated instances were there of such activity? As far as those other two, what did this guy do- watch a single episode of 48 Hours or something and declare the investigative cover story AN EPIDEMIC?

Moving on...

-----------------------------------------------------------

If you love rock music, the devil's bloody claws are already firmly wrapped around your neck. Look at these lyrics. The rock stars who sing them are sold-out servants of Satan, preaching to their master.

-----------------------------------------------------------

We are then treated to several excerpts of early 1980s heavy metal songs, many taken completely out of context, to prove the point. Mostly from that horribly Satanic band AC/DC, which we all know stands for "Anti Christ/Devil's Child." HA!

I'll give him one, though. He did throw in a Mercyful Fate song. No secret there about the band's background. Not a record you'll be hearing played at the local daycare, you know. But then he goes on to this little gem: (LOL)

-----------------------------------------------------------

A former rock music worshipper once told me about an Ozzy Osbourne concert he went to. THOUGH HIS MIND WAS SIZZLED ON DRUGS (emphasis added), his heart nearly stopped when he turned around and saw a man wearing a black hooded robe, standing behind the crowd with his arms outstretched. This shocked teen suddenly realized he was in the middle of a Satanic service!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Okay, where is this kid's credibility? We've already established he was completely SIZZLED, so how can we believe what he "saw?" Hell, the dude in the robe was probably twice as fried as our witness. He thought he was LEADING a Satanic service!

My next beef with this chapter is that he actually wastes time discussing backmasking (this one is deliberate) on the Venom album "Welcome to Hell." HELLO? There's plenty of fuel for your argument on that album WITHOUT having to ruin your needle. Try playing the damn thing FORWARD. In his argument he calls Venom a "famous rock band." What a numbskull. I know exactly 4 people who have ever even HEARD of Venom. I am the only one I know who owns any of their albums (first 5 studios and double-live on vinyl, as well as a 12'' single, 33 rpm single and a picture disc, then the most recent 3 on CD - love me some Venom!)

He wraps up the chapter with several stories ("true accounts") of teenagers hacking their families up or committing suicide because they listened to violent, Satanic AC/DC or Iron Maiden songs. Classic Satanic Panic at work. I love this shit. It's like watching Reefer Madness.

Coming up: The chapter on Dungeons & Dragons. Oooooooh. Can't wait. This guy reminds me of that dumb-ass "expert" dude that testified at the WM3 trial. The one who got a mail-order degree. I wonder if the author has any Chick tracts listed in his bibliography?

See my review continued here.

LMAO: "Stairway to Hell" by Rick Jones

Got this book recently for the fun of it. It is just nuts to think that people bought this shit hook, line and sinker in 1988. I'm literally laughing out loud only three pages into the introduction.
----------------------------------
"The real message is heard when that part of the song is played backwards. Here are the devilish lyrics Led Zeppelin has been sneaking into your brain all these years:

'I sing because I live with Satan.
The Lord turns me off.
There's no escaping it.
No other made a path.
Here's to my sweet Satan.
Whose power is Satan.
He will give you 666.
I live for Satan'

Millions are deceived by this song. They don't know that every time they play it, two things are happening:
1. They are listening to servants of Satan pledge their allegiance to their master.
2. Listeners are being programmed to accept Satan as the master and destroyer of their own lives."
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HAHAHA! The sad thing is, bullshit like this was EVERYWHERE in the mid- to late-'80s. And parents were SCARED. Remember bands on trial? Repressed memories of ritual abuse? Remember the PMRC? This whole stupid-ass "subliminal messages" idea? Incredible. What I want to know is, if we, the kids at that time, knew these nimrods were just spouting cockamamie theories, how the hell were the adults so easily duped?

Of course, we now know that perceived "messages" on records when played in reverse are probably in most cases nothing more than an auditory form of pareidolia, or the same property of the brain that lets us see clear pictures of things in cloud formations. Our minds crave order, like to see patterns in chaos. Even if the patterns aren't really there- we'll unconsciously make leaps and create connections where there are none.

And for those messages which were INTENTIONALLY placed... Who gives a crap? I've yet to see some proof that backs up the fact that behavior alteration is even possible through "subliminal" messages, particularly REVERSED ONES. All I know for sure is that the English language sounds effing creepy when you play it backwards. But is it sinister? No more so than the same thing said forward.

I can't wait to dig into this book some more. I need a good laugh.

By the way, if you're interested, they still sell this book at Chick.com for $10.95, in English or Español.

See my review continued here.

Jack Van Impe is a ruh-TARD

Heavens to Betsy! All three of them!

I was watching the Apprentice on DVR tonight, and when it ended, this ancient, Bible-thumping nitwit came on the television. Here's a direct quote:

"The astronomers now tell us that there are three heavens, and that agrees with the Bible. The first runs 600 miles into space, the second runs 187 trillion billions of miles into space. Unfad'nable! And then there's a third heaven where God rules."

--HUH? First, the atmosphere kinda trails off into space around 300 miles or so above the earth, so I'm not sure where the 600 comes into play. Second, I suppose he's just pulling numbers out of his bum for that second part. Third, just what the hell is, "unfad'nable?" I know the word, "unfathomable," but that isn't what he said. And, fourth, WHAT?? Exactly which, "the astronomers," are they who are now saying "there's a third heaven where God rules???" I must have missed that bit in my college astronomy class.

But there's more:

"Let's talk about that second heaven. Do you know that they now tell us that there are galaxies like our own, into the hundreds of thousands? And they've increased it to a million, and recently to a billion. A billion different galaxies! Each with 200 to 400 million stars. It's unlimited! And our God created it all. And for these people who can think it just happened through (claps) a big bang? ...You ...don't have much of an education."

--HUH? Which is it? Do they "now tell us" a few hundred thousand, a million, or a billion? If it's a billion, then why even mention hundreds of thousands? Say, "they now tell us there are a billion." It's more efficient; you can make your point sooner (or at least attempt to) and then get back to your silent prayer or whatever. As long as it's silent, it will be an improvement.

Also, WHICH IS IT? Is that second layer of space unlimited, as you just said, or is it "187 trillion billions of miles?" It can't be both! Or perhaps because it's so unfad'nable, it just SEEMS unlimited to your level of comprehension.

Additionally, I don't think anyone could argue against the thought that *technically* the Big Bang and a divine creator are not mutually exclusive. Even Stephen Hawking has said (or typed, as it were. INDICATED, anyway) that his belief in the Big Bang does not mean he doesn't believe in God. He could have been the one to cause the Big Bang, after all. (God, not Hawking.)

Finally, you should have seen the look in this guy's eyes when he said, "you... don't have much of an education." It even looked like he was going to swear during that stutter-pause: "You... gotta be effin' kidding me." Ooooh, was he heated up. Hee hee.

I've never seen this douche before, but I know he's been around quite a long time. I'm sure he could provide ammunition against himself like this all day long. He makes Pat Robertson look like Dan Rather. To quote a wise prophet named Bugs Bunny: "What a maroon!"

15 movies that I'll never forget

The challenge given to me (via Facebook):

Don't take too long to think about it. Quickly list 15 movies you've seen that will always stick with you. Take no more than 15 to 20 minutes.

My results:

1. Man Bites Dog - Black & white independent film from Belgium. Disturbing faux documentary in which a camera crew films the exploits of a psychopathic serial killer, then gets more involved than they originally planned.
2. Anguish - Spanish writer/director Bigas Luna's horror film with some really great gimmicks. Firstly, there's the intensely hypnotic scenes of terror. Then, there's the realization about halfway through that you are actually watching a movie of a terrified girl in a theater watching the movie you've been watching. The end doesn't quite live up to the initial setup, but it's definitely worth checking out.
3. Rosemary's Baby - Deceptively friendly old codgers dupe an innocent young woman into carrying the offspring of Satan himself. "Hail Hellfire! Hail Satan!" Awesome.
4. Death Italian Style - DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE, if you are unfortunate enough to find it. I don't even think it's listed on IMDB, it's that independent... or just that bad. It is truly torturous. Thanks a million, Mike.
5. Kingpin - Farrelly brothers' funny-as-hell comedy with Randy Quaid as an Amish bowling star and Woody Harrelson in his funniest performance ever, as pitiful has-been bowling champion Roy Munson.
6. A Clockwork Orange - Incredibly true to the book by Anthony Burgess, one of my absolute favorite repeat reads. Malcolm McDowell at his best.
7. Pink Flamingos - Divine. John Waters. Repulsive, vomit-inducing human tricks. "Is that the egg man?"
8. Hellraiser - Those Cenobites were soooo freakin' cool the first time you saw them. When this movie came out, there was nothing like it. Most of the sequels, though each contained at least a few kickass & memorable scenes, fell pretty flat compared to the original.
9. Blake Edwards' S.O.B. - Mary Poppins' boobies! 'Nuff said.
10. The Haunting - Original 1963 version, not that crap-ridden remake. Remember when a movie could pull off a scare without gore? This movie is all atmosphere and very little special effects. The meager $1 million budget wouldn't allow it. A breathing door. That's about it. Great movie for those who don't want their scares spoon-fed. You have to invest in the movie and go along for the ride.
11. Fritz The Cat - My first exposure to the X-rated cartoon world. I must have been about 14. Though extremely dated, it's deplorable, offensive, deviant, violent, vulgar and absolutely brilliant! A side of Ralph Bakshi I was delighted to discover. Skip the sequel, though.
12. Brokeback Mountain - Hey, screw you. It was a good movie. And memorable. That's what we're shooting for here.
13. Trick or Treat - Skippy from "Family Ties" is a nerdy metalhead who unwittingly raises a demonic rock star from the dead to terrorize first his high school tormentors, then the world. Cheesy as hell, but I loved it when I was in high school. Killer, must-own soundtrack by Fastway.
14. E.T. - I remember everything about this movie. It was the longest line I ever stood in to go to the movies with my family as a kid. It was at the Orpheum Theater in Galesburg. I laughed, I cried, I fell in love with Drew Barrymore... If you never liked E.T., your heart is black and dead.
15. The Blair Witch Project - Once again, screw you. A buddy of mine somehow got hold of a bootleg tape of this movie before it even hit theaters. None of us had even seen so much as a trailer for it yet. We had a viewing party at another friend's house and I gotta say, the bootleg tape factor really helped contribute to the atmosphere of the night. I was genuinely a bit creeped out. I don't care what anyone says, I think it was clever. There wasn't really anything like it done before.

So there ya go. I could give more. These are by no means my favorite 15 movies, just the 15 ones that made a real impression on me and came to mind first. Though some of them would populate that list as well. And, yes, I cheated a bit on the time part. The list itself came easily, and then after going back and adding descriptions & such, it ended up being more like 30 minutes.

A sad day :(

 

Say what you want about him; perhaps in his latter years he turned into a piece of shit, perhaps not. Either way, he definitely made some bad decisions. But he was also an INCREDIBLE entertainer. It saddens me that a childhood hero of mine has passed at such a young age without being even slightly vindicated in the world's eyes. Talk about a fall from grace. I talked my share of smack, but I'll truly miss u, Michael.

Another great one bites the dust

Naughty, buxom, supersexy post-WWII pinup girl & stag film star Bettie Page has died. She definitely left a legacy behind her. The woman is a legend. Man, imagine all the monkeys that have been spanked to her iconic images over the last 60 years... She definitely did her part to usher in the sexual revolution.

R.I.P. Bettie Page. Your body has passed, but the fantasy of your flesh lives on, forever young.

A couple of things are on my mind this morning

Okay, first off: did you know Dec 7-13 is National Handwashing Awareness Week? Please observe and teach your children proper handwashing techniques. What? Soap and water? Hell no, it's not that simple! Listen, you've got to count to twenty, scrub under your nails... It's a very complicated affair. Aw, fer cryin' out loud, just let Henry the Hand explain it!

Now, on to a movie review; something new for me. I rented and watched The Dark Knight last night... What's the big deal about this movie? Maybe I was expecting too much, but I thought it was too long, choppy in places with plot holes, and just overall a fairly good movie, but nowhere near as good as Batman Begins or even the original Batman.

For instance, how the hell did the Joker get out of police custody? He was in the interrogation cell with that cop, who was about to beat the crap out of him, then suddenly he was out of the cell with a knife to the guy's throat. What happened in between seems pretty important to me.

And way before that, there was the first scene when Joker was telling his scar story. He's got a knife to someone's mouth and just as he's about to cut, he drops the body instead. And the guy's already dead. Seems like there was a scene cut there or something, perhaps to attain a PG13? I thought the DVD had skipped, except I didn't get my usual "SKIPPING OVER DAMAGED AREA" notice on the MacBook screen.

Now, my first example I can explain away as having to do with Ledger's death. Perhaps they just hadn't gotten around to finishing that scene. I suppose a little choppiness is to be expected, and thus is forgiveable. To a point.

However, the second scene could have been done as a closeup gross-out scene. That would undoubtedly have pushed it to an R rating, but I think the film suffered for its exclusion. There's all this tension built up in that scene, and then it just falls flat, literally, without that explosive release. What a letdown.

And Joker escapes time and again from the clutches of the Bat and police. How did he get out of Wayne's fundraiser? We don't know. The list goes on.

Let's not forget the death of Harvey Dent. I just don't understand the idea of introducing a kickass character like that and offing him in the same movie. For me, this was like the premature demise of the most kickass Sith Lord ever, Darth Maul. I wanted to see that sumbitch wipe the floor with Jedis for another two movies. It's such an anticlimax to see a seriously evil dude get killed so soon. I'd hoped they were setting up Two-Face to be a key player in the next film.

How the hell does Batman fly... sorry, "glide" like that? Was it in the other movie & I just don't remember it? Was the movie too dark to see it?

And apparently, placing some kind of a super-strong bat-cable across the road in front of an oncoming semi trailer is enough to transfer its forward momentum into enough upward momentum to flip it end-over end! WTF?!?! Those damn movie physics...

Rant, rant, rant. Sorry. I know, I know. I expect too much. But, just like I enjoy a kung fu movie as long as there's no wire work, I like a good action shoot 'em up, as long as there is some grounding in basic reality, like the laws of physics (gravity, momentum, space-time continuum). Even for a comic book movie. When you do more than bend one of these laws for effect, you're now making a science fiction movie, and the suspension of that law should be the latest plot point. Batman should have stood there and said, "Holy shit. That semi just flipped over. That was weird. I just hoped to slow it down, but that just plain shouldn't have happened. At all. Not on this planet, anyway." Then he'd realize he was levitating three feet off the ground.

But I digress. My review: Maybe rent it if you haven't seen it. But don't buy it. If you have seen it, watch Batman Begins again instead. Or American Psycho for an even better Christian Bale movie. And one more thing. To the Academy: Please don't give Ledger a silly posthumous Oscar. His performance was good, but not Oscar-worthy.

But these are just my opinions. Have a great Christmas everyone.

Happenin's

Hooray for me! I just successfully installed my first wireless router. My new home is finally wireless, at least for Internet purposes. Too bad I had to discover a leaky roof today as well. DAMN YOU, GUSTAV! Oh well, at least this way I know about it and can get it fixed.

Man, home is startin' to come together: wireless web surfing from any location, the kids have a playroom in the basement that can keep them out of our hair when we need alone time, DVRs connected to every TV... I watched Metalocalypse in the kitchen today while I cooked lunch, fer cryin' out loud! How cool is that?

Now, to finish unpacking the rest of these damned boxes...

Cleanliness is next to godliness

My wife, Heather, called me at work today and said, "I'm at Target and this monk just walked in." Of course I asked her how the rest of the joke went; was he was alone, or did a priest and rabbi walk in with him?

I also asked if he was carrying around a wooden plank, and if so, how was he pushing his shopping cart. (pie jesu domine, dona eis requiem -SMACK-)

We determined on the phone that it was a legit monk and not a dude in a Ruby's Halloween costume, though we decided he could just as easily have been a friar because we don't know the difference. They seem to have the same uniform.

Then we wondered what exactly a monk would buy at Target, so she kept an eye out for him or followed him around or something. I don't know. We joked about the things he could buy that would be most entertaining, condoms being on the top of the list. Also, sneakers, sandals, razors, rope, a bell, a bookmark, candles, you get the idea.

How does a monk get to Target, anyway? Is there a monastery anywhere near Peoria? I pictured him thumbing a lift from some Amish folk in a wagon. LOL.

Heather called me back after a bit. "A mop, a toilet brush, and Pine-Sol." Well, whaddaya know. They have indoor plumbing at the dirty monkery.

Summer vacation 2008, part 5

Thursday:

We waken around 7:00 and all get up and dressed. We begin gathering our stuff and I go grab the van so we can hop right in after breakfast. All five of us go to the dining room and have some grub. After breakfast, Ashley, Calliope, Brandon & I hit the miniature golf course while Heather goes to get her fired pottery. Brandon whoops me at mini golf.

After the game, everyone piles into the van & it's off to Swansea. A couple hours later, we're at Heather's parents' house & trading vans again so we can take our newly repaired van home. Of course, though, it doesn't start. I stick the battery on the charger for 90 minutes or so, and we eventually get it started. Heather takes the van to NTB and replaces the battery. Then, we have dinner at Outback with Sharon & the little kids beg to stay a couple more days.

We go along with it and leave Ash & Calliope there with Nana. After a brief trip to the newest metro east Target store, in Swansea, Brandon, Heather & I head home. We finally arrive around 10:30pm and head STRAIGHT to bed. Exhausted!

Summer vacation 2008, part 4

Wednesday:

Today is the day we pick up Ashley from minicamp! We miss him and can't wait to see him, and Calliope has even said she misses him.

We rise at the typical 6:30 or so, take our time getting around and ready for breakfast, and eventually make it to the dining hall about 8:00. For breakfast, I set my sights on bacon, eggs, toast and oatmeal with cinnamon and honey. Milk to drink, as always. Yum.

After eating, Brandon & I take Calliope to her Adventurer Camp, where we learn she will have playmates today. Three other kids are attending this time (she was all alone on Monday). While we take care of that, Heather arranges for us to stay an additional night, so we can do some stuff with Ashley. Afterward, we head over to the Arts & Crafts building so Heather can finish her pottery. While she works on that, Brandon & I shoot some hoops. Once Heather is done, I run up to the parking lot to grab the van & the three of us go to Camp Lakewood to get Ash.

When we open the cabin door, he's hiding under a bed. He's one of the last two boys in his group to be claimed. We give hugs and kisses, see lots of smiles and hear about all kinds of cool stuff he did. After chatting with the counselors a bit, we gather up the last of his stuff and pack into the van. We decide to make a stop at the Trading Post to burn up the rest of his account there (and spend a bit more as well). We get Nerf-type slingshot missiles for Ash and Calliope, as well as a squishy Koosh ball for each. He also gets a Lakewood tee shirt and Brandon and I get a pair of those blaster balls that explode when you smack 'em together.

Back to the room, and we get Ashley a shower (he hasn't had one since Monday) and get cleaned up to grab sissy and go to lunch. I have ham & turkey sandwich with white American on Rye, salad and a couple of chicken rings. After lunch, the kids go down for a nap and Brandon & I take some down-time outside on the dock near our room. We sit and practice the Jew's Harp for an hour or so, goof around on video tape, then take a walk so I can snap some nature photos. It's a gorgeous day, a bit overcast, so the sun's not killing us. Swimming later will be nice since it's not extremely hot like it's been the past couple days.

After nap, at 2:00, comes the rocketry class we signed up for. We build four rockets and walk down past the tennis courts to launch them at 3:00. My nosecone and Heather's stay attached, but Ashley's and Brandon's blow completely off. Fun time.

Next, we gather laundry (especially Ashley's smelly camp duds) to take to the on-site laundry facility. While Heather gets that started, Brandon, Ash & I have an archery appointment. Calliope comes along to watch.

First round, Brandon hits the target a few times, I hit three of five, and Ash (with the help of the instructor) misses completely. Ashley gets to try again, since there are only two lefties in the group, and he gets closer, again with the instructor's help. Next time up, I adjust my aiming technique and manage to hit the target all five times, even getting two bullseyes. Brandon does about the same. By the last go round, I get four of five bullseyes, with one being in the next ring out, Ashley hits the target TWO TIMES (boy, is he HAPPY!), and Brandon is hunting in the woods behind the targets for a couple of his arrows. LOL.

After finishing our final activity, it's about 5:00. We reconnect with Heather and go to the lodge for dinner. Afterward, it's down to the beach with all of us. There's not a soul in sight, other than lifeguards. I guess right after or during dinner is not a prime swimming time slot. We spend a good hour or so swimming & Ash even goes down the little slide into the water a couple times. Just as we decide get out & run over to the Country Store for some ice cream, an enormous horsefly chases us out of the water. It's freakin' hilarious to watch.

While the rest of the family eat their cones, I retrieve our clean laundry from the on-site facility. Then, it's off to our room for showers, jammies & bedtime for all, even me. Another awesome day. One morning left to go, then it's back to work on Friday.

Summer vacation 2008, part 3

Tuesday:

We wake up this morning around 6:30, as usual. Everyone gets dressed and I bring some clothes in that we had set outside wet, to dry. We gather the dirty clothes together in bags, so we can take them into town to launder today. It is to be an adventure day today, with spontaneous activities instead of planned ones. Well, except for the pony ride. That comes after breakfast.

So we head down to breakfast at our usual 8am. I go for two sausage patties, a scoop of scrambled eggs, two biscuits (one covered with gravy) some OJ and milk. Yummilicious. Then, it's off to the Triangle-Y Ranch for Calliope's pony ride. Whee! Fun! Done.

After the ride, the plan is to head out to the Berryman Trail to see if we can find Heather's old Lakewood stamping grounds, in particular a stretch of creek that she used to stop at during horse overnights, and a general store they used to go to as well when she was a little camper herself. As we were about to leave the ranch, Heather spots Ashley with his camp group, playing in a stream over the hill from the ranch. We park the van and run across the road to hide behind a line of trees and watch him to see if he's having fun. I bring the video camera.

They are playing a game where one of the counselors is apparently a monster called "Crawdad," who like to kidnap children and take them down- or upstream. To quell his hunger for child flesh, they must all band together and beat him silly with pool noodles, while he throatily chants "Crawdad, Crawdad, Crawdad!" Ash is having fun. He's wearing his camouflage jammies for some reason, but he's smiling and having a good time. It makes me happy, but makes me miss him even more. I can't wait to see him again tomorrow. He's gonna be so grown up. Hope he doesn't greet us carrying a cigar and a snifter of brandy: "Hello mother. Good to see you again, father. How've you been?"

So we go for a drive, kinda blindly, through Mark Twain National Forest, looking for a specific but unnamed creek. It's kinda like looking for a needle in a needle stack. A good hour later, the immediate goal becomes getting out of the park and figuring out how to get back to Potosi so we can do our laundry and grab some lunch. By 1:00 or so, we make it back to town and stop at the laundromat to get some clothes in the wash.

Leaving the clothes there to launder, we run to Taco Hell for lunch, hoping it will be better than it is in Illinois. Not really any different. Oh well. Haven't had it in ages, so it was still kinda nice even though it was sucky. So we go back to put our stuff in dryers, then leave it there again & run to Walmart to return a shitty watch Heather got me a couple days ago.

Once we get back to the laundromat, of course only half of it is dry, so we pull out what's done, restart the rest, and run to gas up the van, cuz it's only $3.49 per gallon here. After the gas, we are able to retrieve the rest of the laundry and try one more time for the creek and general store.

We do find a general store that may or may not have been the right one, but Heather talks to the attendant and is told that the creek she's looking for is probably right up the road. She tells Heather as she leaves the store, "I hope you find your memories."

We drive down the gravel road she directs us to, and we find a kickass stream. Brandon, Calliope, Heather & I climb down the bank and hop in up to our ankles. We make our way along with the current and find an honest-to-gosh swimmin' hole, rope swing and all. Calliope has her bathing suit on, but the rest of us give in to the urge and hop in wearing our clothes. Wow. What a memorable experience. I am sooooooo glad we did this today.

Brandon swings out a few times and plops in the stream. Heather and Brandon float on their backs and have a race downstream. Calliope and I chuck rocks into the creek and swim around in the shallower bits. This may not be the right stream, or at least not the right area of the right stream, but it's definitely a fantastic find. It's hard to say how long we stay there, but it's at least an hour.

I feel the urge to take off, so we can get back for dinner, so we take off just as another family is showing up to our "secret swimming hole." Ten minutes after we leave, the rain starts. We get back to our room & unpack the clean clothes in enough time for dinner. I get chicken pot pie and green beans, lots of water again, and celery with peanut butter for dessert. After eating, we manage to beat the storm back to the Arts & Crafts building, where Heather plans to finish her mug. However, they are closed, so we decide to go to a barn dance instead.

The dance is fun. Heather & I do the Electric Slide & three or four other country line dances, the kids join in for the Hokey Pokey and the Chicken Dance, and we finish with the Cha-Cha Slide. When we leave, it's about 8:30 and the storm is in full force. Instead of going right to our room, we grab a couple of games at the front desk and take them to a lounge for all of us to play.

Calliope, Brandon & I play "Lucky Ducks" while Heather runs to the room to get our snacks. Upon her return, Heather, Brandon & I play Boggle for six rounds while Calliope draws a picture. I win. 54 to 43 to 21. Boo-ya!

Finally, back to the room for beddy-bye. And here I am, last one standing, at 11:30 pm, wrapping up this chapter of my blog for you. Done now til Part IV. Talk to you tomorrow.

Summer vacation 2008, part 2

Monday:

Up at 6:30, and I take a few pics of the sun on Lake Sunnen. We need to kill some time before our scheduled breakfast, and I decide to do some blogging. Thus is born Part I. We head down to breakfast a bit later-- for me, French toast, cheesy omelet, hash brown casserole, milk and cappuccino.

After breakfast, we all take Calliope to Explorer Camp (shhh- it's for 4 and up). She's the only little explorer today. One of the counselors is Daniel from last night's Musical Canoe adventure. Then, Brandon & I have the Alpine Tower to conquer at 9:30am. A three-sided tower with all the choices in the world as far as how you climb. We climb simultaneously, but I reach the first platform first, about 20 feet up. Brandon chose climbing up the side of the inclined cargo net- pretty hard. I wait for him a bit, then begin my climb up the inclined telephone pole with rock wall holds. Then I get to a straight vertical pole & have to climb up it. My muscles begin burning and my fear of heights is REALLY nagging me. I make it to about 40 feet and perch myself on a single cable, hugging my telephone pole to save my life.
Brandon hasn't really left the platform yet, my muscles are spent, and I realize I'm not gonna make it to the top. I wait it out a few minutes as Brandon climbs below me, but it's no use. I have to rappel down.
Brandon continues his climb and eventually makes it to where I was. I snap photos from the ground of his ascent. From there, he stutters, but keeps on truckin' all the way to the top. 50 FEET UP! Wow! Nice job, dude!

Only 10:00, and already it's HOT! We are drenched in sweat. We go back to the room to rest a bit & I practice my Jew's Harp a little. Brandon goes swimming for a little while, but I'm not movin'. Heather has run into town to get some more supplies, so Brandon & I chill a bit & check out some YouTube vids.

Once Heather gets back, we all go get Calliope and head to lunch. I have two bowls of chili and some milk. Then, it's off to Arts & Crafts to paint some pottery. Calliope makes the ugliest damned ice cream cone I have ever seen. Black ice cream? Really? Yuck. I go for a tiny chiminea, Brandon paints a monkey, and Heather begins work on an enormous mug.
We run out of time, because Brandon & I have the Summit Zip at 2:00. Heather is the only one not finished, so she places hers on the "unfinished" rack and we go back. Brandon & I do our afternoon zipline & then some rifle shootin' while Calliope lies down for a nap & Heathehr hangs out in the room.

Zipline was cooler this time vs. two years ago, cuz we got to race. They put in a parallel zip. So I climb up first, then wait for Brandon. We sit next to one another on the platform. It's FRICKIN' HOT! 3, 2, 1, Go! 30 feet up, 500 feet long. Awesome run, and Brandon wins. We get it done just in time, because at that point they begin shutting down the more strenuous activities due to the heat. The temperature today reaches 102, with a heat index of 116. Luckily, we have a less strenuous activity scheduled next- riflery.

So we drive partway down and walk the rest of the way to the rifle range. We take the second round for our turn and take a seat at the guns. It's hot, man. I have my glasses off and the safety glasses on, plus we have our ear protection-headphone-thingies on & the sweat is dripping down into our eyes while the goggles fog up from the inside. Aiming carefully, we let fly with our guns. Brandon hits the target all five times, including one bullseye. I manage all five bullseyes (again, just like two years ago), with two in the same hole, Robin Hood-style. Found something I'm evidently good at, despite the shitty vision. Perhaps I should hit the firing range sometime.

Brandon & I make our way back to the room where Calliope is still napping. We regale Heather with tales of our exploits & chill out for a bit. Once Calliope wakes, we all go out to the beach. Calliope & I build a sand castle and we all do some lake swimming. As it nears dinner time, we start to head in. We gather our stuff and come in for showers before going up to dinner.

I have a big salad with cottage cheese, chicken 'n dumplings, tater tots and corn, with Mountain Dew to drink. After mealtime, which of course was delicious, we come back to the room and pop "Robots" in the Mac, lie on the beds & kinda let Calliope have the run of things for a while. Come 9:00, Brandon & I head out for our final event of the day, the Moonlight Zip.
We go in a group of about 15 on a dark hike about 100 yards into the woods, to the site of a zipline. Here's the deal: You hook in, take off running down a pitch-black hill, and eventually the ground disappears out from under you. You zip over a valley for about 300 feet and rise up on the zip cable. Your only illumination is the stars in the sky, through the treetop canopy. Gravity brings you back down the line to your starting hill, where you go to the top and then run down to do the same thing over again. Three times each. Very cool, very enjoyable, worth the 90 minutes and $20 each we invested in it.

Then, back to the room where the girls are in bed. We take turns showering (still friggin' hot as hell out there) and hit the sack. Aaaahhhh......

Summer vacation 2008, part 1

Saturday:
Leave Peoria and head to Belleville to visit with Heather's parents. Get some work done on the van while we're there (since like the ONLY mechanic we trust lives there. -- FOSTER'S AUTOMOTIVE -- They do GREAT work.)
Have dinner with her folks that evening at Hometown Buffet in Fairview Heights. Tolerable food, as usual. Heather & the kids are in bed that night by 8:30. Brandon & I stay up shooting the breeze another hour.

Sunday:
Get up at 4am after a crappy sleepless night. Bed sucks, pillow sucks, hot as hell in that room of the house, cat hair in the air, ACHOO! Get the family in the van & leave around 5am for Missouri. Stop at 6:00 for breakfast at the Waffle House- YUM. We try to get breakfast there at least every other time we come down here.
Back on the road. Arrive at Trout Lodge in Potosi, MO around 9:00. We can't check in yet, so we pre-register and head to the Country Store to schedule our events. First event: Summit Cilmb & Rappel. Brandon & I begin gearing up at 10:00. Brandon goes first. Here are the details:
1. Climb 15 feet up a telephone pole to an attached log. Walk up the log, which is inclined, about 25 feet log with a rise of maybe an additional 5 feet, to another pole.
2. Hook into a new safety line, off the belay, and cross 20 feet to the next pole, walking across two WOBBLY cables (20 feet up, remember). It's called "Tired Two Legs."
3. Hook into a new safety line and cross about 10 feet on two parallel 2x6's, edge up.
4. Hook into a belay line & climb the next telephone pole an additional 10 feet up to cross a vertical rope 'X' that's about 20 feet long. The top rope & bottom rope cross in the center, where the top becomes the bottom & vice versa.
5. Off belay, on new safety line. Climb into the center of a rope web & rappel down thru the center from 30 feet.
Brandon does great. I... cheat, kinda. On "Tired Two Legs," I just decide to leap off the pole and see how far my body weight and momentum can carry me before I have to use my legs. I make it 3/4 of the way, then finish strong.
For step 4, I begin climbing out on the rope with my eyes closed, then about 4 feet out decide to go for the leap again. I pull myself along with the top rope until I can use both ropes again comfortably. Screw that stupid 'X'.
After that, lunch. Fried chicken, roast beef, mac n cheese, mashed taters, green beans, LOTS OF WATER.
Then we all go tie-dye some tee shirts together. Lots of fun and we all did a different pattern. After that, it's time to take Ashley to register for his overnight camp at YMCA Camp Lakewood. We get him to his cabin to meet his three counselors- Schizo, Violet and Mischief. I make up Ashley's bed and we get him all settled & give hugs & kisses & take off back to Trout Lodge.
Brandon, Heather, Calliope & I make a run to WalMart for supplies & then come back, register for new events at the Country Store. After that, we come back to the lodge & get checked in to our room, where we unpack. Soon after comes dinner. Yum. I love the food here. I have baked pollack filets with curry rice and taters au gratin with iced tea.
The four of us hop in a canoe after dinner & row across the lake to campfire, where we sing songs along with a guitar-toting Aussie camp counselor. On the last ditty, "Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)," I whip out my Jew Harp and twang along. Lots of grins round the fire.
Back to the room, where Heather & Calliope shower. Brandon & I head out for a moonlight hike at 9pm, for an hour. When we get back, a quick snack of trail mix, plus a shower, then... BED! Finally! What a fantastic day, though.

More to come.

Happy Pi Day!

What better day to celebrate that most elusive and mysterious of irrational numbers than on 3/14? Sure, you could think of Pi as simply a circle’s circumference divided by its diameter, but it’s so much more than that. That alone is crazy enough, since in a "perfect" circle, circ/diam will NEVER be anything other than 3.14yadayada..... Pi wouldn’t be as amazing if it were a whole number. We wouldn’t be nearly as amazed to see it recurring in nature if it were simply "3." Big deal.

Okay, I realize most folks don’t share my enthusiasm for mathematical wonders, so I’ll move on, but let me suggest some reading first. To learn a BIT more about Pi and Pi Day, see this article. Or, to be amazed on a deeper level about not just Pi, but the equally if not more amazing Phi, or the "Golden Ratio," check out this book. I own it and love it.

Alright, enough of that for the day. But I would like to know why the blog categories in the drop-down menu during blog creation lack something like "Science and Nature." I’m sure I’m not the first geek to write about something other than "Parties and Nightlife." Get on that, Tom! Someboody send him an email, because Tom is not my friend.

Re: Vatican releases new list of sins

Those crazy fuckers at the Vatican are at it again:

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Monday, Mar. 10, 2008 By AP

(VATICAN CITY) — A Vatican official has listed drugs, pollution, genetic manipulation and social and economic injustices as new areas of sinful behavior.

Sins increasingly manifest themselves as behavior that damages society as a whole, Monsignor Gianfranco Girotti said in an interview published Sunday by the Vatican's daily newspaper, L'Osservatore Romano.

"While sin used to concern mostly the individual, today it has mainly a social resonance, due to the phenomenon of globalization," said Girotti, who heads the Apostolic Penitentiary, a Vatican body that issues decisions on matters of conscience and grants absolutions.

Catholic teaching distinguishes between lesser venial sins and mortal sins.

Listing the new areas of sinful behavior, Girotti denounced "certain violations of the fundamental rights of human nature through experiments, genetic manipulations."

He also mentioned drugs — which "weaken the mind and obscure intelligence" — pollution, and the widening social and economic differences between the rich and the poor.

Girotti said the Catholic Church continued to be concerned by other sinful acts, including abortion and pedophilia.

He said Church authorities had reacted with "rigorous measures" to child abuse scandals within the clergy, but he also claimed that the issue had been excessively emphasized by the media. 

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What? Drugs? Like... wine? Doesn't it "weaken the mind and obscure intelligence"? Yeah, right, I really believe the Cathoholic Church is going to admit that alcohol is a drug--the most widely used psychoactive drug in the world, in fact. That'll be the day. Yet again, the church shows us its hypocrisy and knack for inconsistency.

And, "thy shall not POLLUTE THY ATMOSPHERE???" What the hell?! These guys just keep on making shit up, don't they? If their book is so damned holy and perfect, why do they have to keep issuing addenda to it? They've even redefined the meaning of "sin." Here I always thought it meant "to fall short of the mark; miss; err." Now they tell me it has to do with global-social responsibilities. I'm sorry, was that the King James or NIV that says we need to reduce our carbon footprint to get into heaven?

Hooray! Back to work for the WGA!

This means I'll get more episodes of LOST! ...And maybe Carlton & Damon will return to their podcast now?

Don't know the terms of their agreement, but I'm glad they reconciled. Although, I was starting to think it might be an interesting world if the WGA had been told to take a hike.

Imagine... A nation where novice writers control our entertainment and foreign films are suddenly number one at the box office. DVD sales go through the roof as people scramble to purchase the movies they love, because all the good stuff has already been made. The WGA members are blacklisted and are relegated to writing novels, black market scripts and novelizations of the rubbish the scabs send to the big screen. TV is only reality and reruns. MTV has to go back to showing music videos. Cats and dogs living together. Real "wrath of God"-type stuff. Apologies (but no royalties) to Mr. Aykroyd and Mr. Ramis.

Anyway, all I care about is that they finally end Prison Break and LOST with an actual finale that ties up all the loose ends. I know LOST will be another few seasons, but PLEASE, Fox, PLEASE end Prison Break next season. I don't think I can take much more of this on-the-edge-of-my-seat-cliffhanger-abuse. This has GOT to be the most suspenseful show on TV, ever! Seriously, let's end it while it's still good. I really don't want to see one of my favorite shows jump the shark. Kill it before you're tempted to air "tonight, on a very special Prison Break..."